I'm an equal opportunity employer, so gender/sex is irrevelant. I just want someone who I don't have to nag into sharing household duties. Problems of quenderqueer people in hetero relationships Ugh. Just because I have XX chromosomes doesn't mean I enjoy housework, kid's stuff, laundry, and decorating. :dry: Unfortunately, someone has to do it ... Sometimes I wish I could go to work on the weekends, too...
Or, you can be like my partner and myself. Neither one of us like doing the chores. So they sit, we stare at each other, play a bit of chicken until finally one of us gives in and gets stuff done. At least at this point, we have learned to split the cooking responsibility at night. He makes the rice, veggies, what have you, and I make the meat, chicken or pork. I think it took us both of getting to the point of starving before we gave in and decided to split the responsibility. Now if only I can get him to put his shoes away.....
Theres me who is best of both, Don't want to do house-work but I like jobs which are predominantly female such as being in a nursery. :3
That's actually what usually happens at our house, except for the bare necessities which I usually end up doing because I want to eat decent food/have something clean to wear. It's kind of embarrassing sometimes because kids like to bring friends over, and DragonHusband is not the one who gets the grim looks from their parents. I just want someone who will do things without having a big discussion about it. It's seriously the one thing we argue about the most. Typical conversation: DragonHusband: It really looks bad in here. We should clean up x. (His tolerance level is lower than mine) Me: Yes. (Having already done cooking and laundry, and he saw me do it, so I remain seated.) An awkward silence follows. Husband: I need to lie down, my back hurts. If he's feeling really cheeky, he'll take responsibility by delegation. Husband: It really looks messy over here. Oh, look at the time, I have to go. (in a small voice as he runs out the door to pursue his hobby) Maybe you could clean up here a little. Not even going to get into the PTA Meetings and the fishing for compliments every time he cleans something voluntarily.
I have a housewife! He cleans and does the laundry and dishes since I just do it wrong if I try or hurt myself and my tolerance level is much higher than his. That's nice but he nags a lot. A lot. Maybe that whip would help. I have been thinking of getting another wife to share his duties. I just need to crochet more cute little animals. I use them to lure stray housewifes to my traps. Seriously. I used to suffer of stereotypes a lot and sometimes still do. It was worse when I got into relationships and had to deal with ex's families. I was seen as a straight stereotypical girl. Obviously certain duties were mine without conversation and obviously I couldn't change light bulbs or carry anything that weights more than 5kg. I was of course the one who can look after strange kids (kids of rude people who didn't even tell me where the off-switch was). Meanwhile all categorised as men could do something that would have been easier for me too and I could have been more useful. Even my previous boyfriends kept assuming these things no matter what.
Does that actually work? I can do that ... hmmm... Ah, yes. The in-laws. His mother took SO much better care of him than I do, as she likes to remind me. Other People's Children are spawns of Satan. That is all. I sometimes don't mind being underestimated, it means I get out of providing technical support to everyone and their dog for free. The only people who ask are the ones who know enough to recognise my expertise, and are generally more thankful about it.
Crocheted animals work if you make them cute and little enough and there must be enough of them. Traps must be kept in perfect condicion. It might take a while for perfect specimen to get caught. Yeah, in rare occasions it's kind of nice to be underestimated. A couple of times I have just let others carry heavy furniture while I keep the doors open and smile like they expected because obviously I am too weak to carry anything. Nice and not so nice at the same time. I really hate looking after kids. I have no idea of how they function. The only kid I don't mind looking after is my cousins son. He is extremely happy if I just carry him, run and pretend to be a space shuttle. I like being a space shuttle and explore strange planets and visit the mighty cat emperor. Or just be a train when I run out of super fuel.
I'm not an OCD neat person. But maybe a wanna be neat person. But I'm also a creative person.. that needs to be able to have some stuff spread out on my art table from time to time.. but my gf now, is, beyond, OCD. if she sees a few hairs ( I have really long hair) on the side of the tub because I didn't clean it immediately after I get out, she's MAD. She refuses to eat leftovers, I think it's wasteful not to.. we constantly argue about me having leftovers in the fridge. If her hypo-allergenic non shedding dog gets my (shedding) dogs' hair on his feet and tracks some into our bed (my dogs aren't allowed in bed anymore) she flips. She's scared of hair like some people are about spiders. I used to be with some slobs.. and hated having to constantly pick up after people. But now.. having to stress out all the time.. Im' not sure which is worse!
OP, your husband is a jerk. A caring partner would be willing to help with the chores without expecting a cookie. His behavior comes from his male socialization, and is reinforced by the other adults reactions towards you and not him to your messy house. I'd say get rid of him, but there are kids in the mix and obviously it's not that easy. Keep talking to him about it, and start putting your foot down. Wash only enough dishes for you and the kids. Start only cooking enough food for you and your kids. Wash only your's and your kid's clothing. Make it clear your not his mother or maid, and that you deserve respect.
I'm kinda odd. If I'm home alone, I'll probably do some chores. I can enter a zone where I gotta make everything perfect. The rest of the time I just don't care. This annoyed my ex a lot when we lived together xD on the plus side he did a cookery course and my knowledge was non-existent. He did teach me cooking stuff, but he did most of it
I'm one of the laziest people there is, but I still do my share of housework. laundry only takes effort to put away, machines do the actual work. cooking I don't find a chore at all. dishes are mostly boring, but I listen to my mp3 player while I do them (manually, no dish washer), so the time goes by quicker. your husband avoiding doing any clean-up, while headed out the door to go do whatever, sounds pretty selfish. this situation reminds me of my mother telling me I had to clean my room before I could go play with my friends. I may have complained the whole time, but I still did it.
He does do things if I bug him about it, but I'm kind of tired of having to nag. He promises to share things equally but it just never turns out that way. You'd think after over 15 years he'd know what to do without me having to tell him. I honestly gave up a while back, and we live like a couple of college roommates. I only do the necessary these days. If people think I'm a Horrible Wife and Mother than so be it. It seems to be worse since we had a kid, or maybe it's just my gender dyphoria is worse. Somehow pushing an immature human through your nether regions suddenly opens up a whole plethora of gender-related expectations, unfortunately a lot of them can't be ignored, because a small human is involved.
Do you have a house wife store near by? Catching wild ones might be considered unlawful and they don't come with insurance. Your husband seems to be a bit of insensitive, un-helpful pain in the rear. Toss him out the window. Just kidding. DinelodiiGitli does not condone harm of other beings. DinelodiiGitli will not be held liable for any injuries, lawsuits or window damage caused by following previously mentioned advice.
Your husband needs to pull his weight. Personally, I can't stand mess and clutter. If I had my own place I'm sure I'd be neat but what annoys me and makes me doubt myself at times is that when my family see me doing unmanly things like hoovering my room and doing the cooking, they are like 'Oh, you say you're a man but you don't behave like one. You like cooking and cleaning.' Actually, I don't. I just don't want to live in a mess and I want to eat decent food. But because all the men in my family are the typical can't and won't cook, clean, wash etc, unless I follow suit no one will believe that I'm a 'real man'. In fact, my mum said to me the other day 'You're not a real man. You must be a gay man because you don't behave like a real bloke.' How insulting, not only to me but to gay men in general. When is society going to change and when are men going to start taking responsibility instead of relying on women to do everything for them. :tantrum: (Sorry, rant over) Yeah, you should talk to your husband and explain that it would be 'nice' (for want of a better word) if he cared to lend a hand now and then since you have a lot to do.
We've discussed this so many times, either he brings up some thing he did a couple of weeks ago that's supposed to make us "even", or he promises to change which lasts a few weeks. I'm just tired of discussing it. We've never really had a "traditional" relationship, and it's not even a "manliness" thing because I do a lot of the "man" stuff as well. He's just doesn't want to do anything. I'm not saying I'm perfect, and he does do a few things for me, but I would like to feel like we have an equal partnership, and I don't feel that way. We used to be in love with each other, and a part of me wishes I could bring that back. Some days I still want to, but I'm slowly losing the desire to try, and many days I just don't care anymore. It's sort of depressing how it can end up like this, one broken promise and selfish act at a time. Now I mostly stay because it would take too much effort to leave, and I'm not sure I'd be any happier by myself. I didn't even realise I felt like this until I typed it out.
I am terrible in these kinds of situations! You could always make a schedule/chore chart, it sounds juvenile and college-y but it works. ---------- Post added 17th Dec 2014 at 07:59 PM ---------- The issue seems to be a deeper one though; it's not just about the chores right? Just about the best thing you could do is open the channels of communication, and have a level-headed conversation about how you both feel and what you could do to salvage the vestiges of love you once based the marriage on.
