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Problems

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Summer1110, Nov 29, 2014.

  1. Summer1110

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    So Ive been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we are very happy together. I have one ongoing problem though. Since we first started going out, her guy friends have been asking and asking for a threesome. My girlfriend was very sexual before we got together, and apparently these men think I was as well, and therefore we would be open to bringing guys into our relationship. I have told these guys repeatedly that it is not going to happen but they dont seem to listen and still often ask or joke about it. Another problem is that I know my girlfriend would enjoy it if I was up for it. But Im not.
    I have a few reasons why..
    1. I have never been with a guy and refuse to have my first time be in a threesome.
    2. My girlfriend is beyond experienced than I am and I know I would probably just get left on th sidelines
    3. I believe in monogamous relationships. I know that if we brought someone else in I would not be okay with it and would not feel same around her ever again.

    I dont know if I am the one in the wrong here. Like I said Im not very experienced so I dont know if Im just being stupid or if I am okay in feeling how I am. But I just dont know what to do about any of it. So if anyone has any advice or comments it would be very helpful
     
  2. Really

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    Does she know these things you've outlined here? If you're not sure, tell her so she's on the same page and can tell these guys to forget it because it's not happening.
     
  3. Summer1110

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    Ive told her. Repeatedly Ive explained to her that I am not comfortable with it, and gave her the reasons I listed. She doesnt encourage it, and when they ask she turns them down as I do. I worry though that she is missing sex with guys (Im the first woman shes ever been with, all of her previous sexual encounters were with men) and that I am not taking into consideration her desires
     
  4. Really

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    It sounds like she's on the same page, then. I guess you could mention you're a bit worried about her missing being with a man and just ask that she tell you if she actually start to feel that way. I'm guessing she doesn't, though.
     
  5. EDMJunkie

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    Well, if she's in a relationship with you, than you should be it. Nobody else. Explain to her how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Be honest and open to her.

    I think that if you just told them to piss off, it would not turn out well, since it sounds like they're her friends and not yours. But if you can get her to make them stop, then that should keep everyone happy. :slight_smile:
     
  6. mbanema

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    I definitely understand how you feel -- I think I'd react pretty similarly. With that said, I think you just have to place more weight on your girlfriend's actions than what you think she wants.

    You say that your girlfriend is regularly propositioned for a threesome and knowing that this isn't something you're interested in, she declines. It doesn't sound like she's trying to pressure you to change your mind and I think that counts for a lot. Even if it's something that she'd otherwise want to do, it's more important to her that you be comfortable. She's placing more importance on your relationship than a short-term physical thrill so I think you have to take that at face value, continue to be honest about your feelings, and try to be happy with where you're at. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Summer1110

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    Thank you so much everyone. Yall are right. I think I was just over worrying. I'm going to talk to her about it and tell her how I feel