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This is why I don't see myself coming out to my family

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BettyBoopGuido, Nov 30, 2014.

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  1. BettyBoopGuido

    BettyBoopGuido
    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi all,
    For awhile I have felt invisible and different around my family. I try to do my own thing and it can get hard sometimes. My mom, brother and sister in law are all in the duck dynasty camo group and I am so not. I am closer to my mom, than my brother or sister in law. As it stands, anytime something about gay people is mentioned, the gist is that they dont want to see them kissing or being intimate with there partners etc. and I try to disagree but it gets very uncomfortable and they just don't want to hear it. Years ago when I came out to my mom as a lesbian, it got very uncomfortable and that made me not want to tell anyone else in my family because of her reaction and how she thought I only came out because one of my friends was gay it got to the point where she toLd me she didn't want to talk about it and we havenT in quite a few years. I don't feel comfortable talking to my family about who I like or why as when I have brought it up with my mom, the response I get is that she doesn't want to hear about it.

    I recently- a few years ago, realized I am bi, and choose to keep details about the guy I like and my sexuality to myself. One of the things I am working on is being myself and accepting that I am bi. I also am working on developing my spirituality and accepting my sexuality. We don't talk about the fact that I dont date over at my brothers and I try to limit the time I am over there because it sucks a lot of the time when we are.

    How do you accept yourself and be your own person when you are around family who you know wouldn't accept you and you feel invisible around?
     
    #1 BettyBoopGuido, Nov 30, 2014
  2. redghost

    redghost
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    Hi BettyBoopGuido,

    My response is probably going to sound insane, so apologies in advance. Being in the closet and hearing my parents' outraged rantings whenever anything remotely gay comes up (usually by TV) has made dinners very uncomfortable, especially when I'm expected (mostly by my dad, who seems to require validations for every statement he makes) to even jump on board. What's worked for me is confirming, in private, what I believe in and what I stand for, just to remind myself. Then when I'm around family, I psychoanalyze them the entire time they're being bigots. It's like a conversation with myself. I have spoken out before on these topics, not as much gay topics (I once mentioned how it sucks that so many people's happiness and status depends on the votes of people who have nothing to do with them and want them dead, and my mom got quiet and I haven't heard her say anything about marriage equality since). If you develop a sarcastic take on things and stick to your guns, you'll survive until you're at a place where their acceptance or intolerance has no effect on your life.
     
    #2 redghost, Nov 30, 2014
  3. BettyBoopGuido

    BettyBoopGuido
    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wow! Your post was dead on and didn't sound insane to me at all... I am definitely going to start confirming for me what I want and believe in. It sounds like it would make it easier to be over at my brothers and be able to ignore some things...
     
    #3 BettyBoopGuido, Nov 30, 2014
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