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Self-harming getting worse

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Wilzyax, Nov 30, 2014.

  1. Wilzyax

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    I have been really depressed lately, and feel like I have no joy in life anymore. Almost 3 weeks ago my best friend abruptly shutted me completely out of his life. Now he won't even talk to me or look at me, and it's killing me.
    I've posted a tread earlier were I mention why I think he started his hate on me: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...328-really-depressed-because-best-friend.html

    Long story short, I think he struggles with is sexuality, and since he is both christian and a bit homophobic he can't accept his feeling for me. So in a way of denying his feeling he choosed to shut me out. Or at least that's what I think.

    The problem is, short after I lost him I started scraching myself, I didn't concider it as selfharm in the first few days, and it slowly become to be a routine for me. Every single time I tought of him I gave myself a scrach so the hurtfull thought of him would go away. First one scract, so a new one, and after almost three weeks I only feel numb when doing it. So yesterday I tried cutting myself, not deep, but I left three thin slices on my arm.

    I have tried seeking help, but everyone tells me to find the reason for my selfharm. And yes I do know why I do it. And some sad part of me know that the selfharm won't stop before I get my best friend back. I know it is sick and insane, but I can't bear the pain of not having him around anymore. He left me with no reason, and I have a hard time moving on. We did everything together. Talked each day, and we were so close, and had no shame or form of personal space when we were together...

    I try to look happy, acting like nothings wrong so no one would suspect I am selfharming. I am so ashamed and disguested with myself! I really see no good things in my life right now. I know I have family and other friends who care for me, but when I lost him 3 weeks ago everything got so dark that I can't find something bright about my life. I tried to tell people how miserable I am without him, but no believes me, they just tell me that it has to be something else bothering me, something else I might not even are awere of myself.

    Why the heck can't no one understand that the reason I am so depressed is the loss of my best friend!? Everyone tell me I should give him some space, but the more I wait and suffer, the worse my selfharming gets. And now I am afraid for leaving alot of scars...

    Plese help what do I do? I can't go on any longer without him? I feel so worthless, and see no point in life anymore....
     
    #1 Wilzyax, Nov 30, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2014
  2. RadioRoss

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    I understand losing close friends. It sucks more than almost anything in the world. What's important is realizing that you aren't alone in your struggles, and this might just seem like Im repeating something that you've heard millions of time, it really is important. Go to a therapist or counselor, or go to group therapy if it makes you feel less alone. I know those things wont bring your friend back, but I know that these things will help you cope. And even though it bothers you so much, I really think that either giving your friend space and time will help. Hopefully though, it will at least bring acceptance to either sides of this issue. If you can, try and recommend that he goes to one of these group things too, or something of the like.
    Instead of hurting yourself, do something to keep yourself busy. Play an instrument or learn how to play one, take a walk or run, draw, write.
    I'm sorry if my advice doesn't help, but I at least want you to know that life is worth living and that you have so much worth. recognize the people that love you, and let them help you through this, or try and find other great people to include in your life. tale care, and good luck.
     
  3. Jinkies

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    As someone who's in the same boat as you are (SHing and mental health issues), I can definitely say go and see a counselor/therapist about it. I did not do this for the longest time, and things are way harder for me than they should be. I really do not wish this kind of thing for you, so I do ask that you go and see a professional before it gets any worse than it is.
     
  4. Oh hai

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    I SH too, and all I can say is distract yourself. Is there a hot girl/guy at schoio? Think of them. Ice cream? Eat it. Chores? Do them.
     
  5. David21201

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    I just lost my bff too. She moved like 1000 miles away. I used to (ok i have my bad days where i still do) self harm and she knew and my gf knew. They literally stayed up talking with me all night when I got like that.
    When they arent around (past 2 months) (its been me and my gf) I slip into my dark state of mind.
    Listen to music to distract yourself from your thought. Cut your nails and just do something else.... i like writing down what im feeling or working on one of my novels. Draw on yourself where you want to self harm. Get help too