My first real big depression possibly

Hi there everyone,

So earlier I posted about a guy that I had gotten with again after he had dropped me completely. Last thursday, I saw he updated his status to "open relationship" and no longer looking to date or a relationship. I messaged him and he responded but has been flaky about meeting up. I wanted to confront him and ask in his face why he lied to me again and if this guy was the reason why we broke up after we began dating.

I last messaged him Sunday asking to meet but he said he was going out of town for a game, although he did ask me if I'd gone out the night before (I had texted him saying I was home, indicating i was free to head over to his place but he did not respond until the next day).

I've been feeling down and depressed ever since. When we first met, I remember how much he seemed to be into me and how he would always text me and seemed to be very happy when we were together. But after we got back together, I noticed he was different and didn't even want to touch as much while in bed.

The thing is, I really like him and given that he was my first bf, I can't stop thinkng about him. It hurts to know that he had me around again, even asking if we could try it again, to then find out he is now dating someone else and he is now just basically keeping me aside for sex. He said he'd be busy and when I asked when we should aim for he responded "play it by ear".

It just really hurts because I really liked him and I can't believe the guy who once used to really want to date me and be with me is now treating me like a plaything when his new bf is not around. How do I forget him? I can't concentrate on my school work and I'm even writing this now instead of paying attention to class.

I also want to meet with him and confront hi to see what he will say. I just am the type of person that needs closure, and that for me means seeing him face to face and finding out if he really is in a relationship, if they were seeing while we met, and why he wasn't honest about it even after I told him that I was okay to try things again but wanted him to be honest with me.

 

Yeah that's what I have been thinking but it's hard trying not to think about him. I also should mention that he is 42 and I am 21. We met through an app, and after he stopped talking to me I saw one morning that he and a 22 year old were looking to play with others. So I don't know if he replaced me with a 22 year old or maybe got back with his ex. I do want to point out that I wasn't that much into the idea of something other than an exclusive relationship and from what I understood, he didn't want that until we were deeply committed. I told him it was fine as long as we were honest and used protection. I'd also like to add that in his original profile he had written something like "looking for no drama" and such. I really don't get him. One minute when we first met he was all over me and seemed to really like me, but I'd never dated, and especially was not sure since he is twice the age. I finally did say yes though and three days later he broke contact. We got back together and we spoke a few things we didn't like so both made an effort to change. But he definitely no longer seemed to act as into me as when we first met.
That morning when we made up again, I also saw a text that he received saying "Morning love. How are you?". I asked and he told me he had no idea and that it was probably just a friend because who wouldn't love him? I sort of wondered if it was the other guy, and it had to be because how is he all of a sudden in a relationship now. It is just really upsetting. I'm trying to occupy myself with schoolwork to keep busy but I just can't focus. I don't know what to do, I really trusted and care for him.