It's been a while. Things have been pretty crazy at work. I once said I was falling in love with my boss. In fact I think I am still. But for some reason, I am now angry at him. Though I do not show it. It's becoming unhealthy. I feel like I am blaming him for every shit that happens at work though I am not sure if it was really in his hands, anyway. When I message him, he doesn't respond. I know he always glances on messages. I know he reads them. When I talk to him personally, he responds properly. I can't read him anymore. I don't know if he is angry at me for some reason. I tried talking to him if there's something wrong, but he said there's nothing wrong. But somehow I feel there is something wrong. I am quite irritated with it now. And it's all anger building. But I feel that this is all about frustration. Knowing that I cannot have him in a way builds a problem for me. Is this the reason? I don't know how to feel right now. I want to have a relationship with him, even as friends. But I still feel we can't connect. But somewhere in my mind. I find this anger good for me. Maybe it will drive away what I feel. or... is this bad?
If he's avoiding you he probably has some sense that you have feelings and is trying to distance himself. Personally, when someone I like doesn't like me back, for whatever reason, I go through an anger phase as well. I imagine this is worse for you having to see him in your workspace...it would drive me nuts. The only consolation is that I know myself well enough I know that once I hit anger I'm past infatuation and on my way to not really caring. Hoping the same for you
I'm pretty sure I am careful about him not knowing that I have feelings. I've been in the closet far too long and have learned to hide it pretty well. But I am happy. Thank you for sharing. I wish the "not really caring" phase would start soon. Good to know I am not going crazy.
