My parents are stalkers. They always watch me on the computer at home when I'm doing schoolwork, which is really the only time I can go on the Internet to look at anything. Well, the other night, I was on some transgender stuff, and ,my dad grabbed the laptop, saw it, and questioned me about it. We had a very awkward conversation where nobody really said anything, and when they did it was ridiculously vauge. But, the last thing my dad said was that that wasn't the thing you would look at without some interest in it. I'm really freaked out now, and worried he might tell my mom (who yells at me for EVERYTHING). What should I do? (To make things worse, I'm not out at all.)
There are ultimately two options: be honest and accept the reactions that you might receive or create a lie. Those who will stress that honesty is always the best policy and you should never consciously make an attempt to deceive others about your identity are undoubtedly the ones who were raised in households where coming out wouldn't have had a drastic effect on their well-being. Your safety must always come first. If there is reason to believe that coming out at this point in your life could leave you emotionally or physically harmed, neglected, or disowned, then I would never recommend that you do so. You could have been researching that information for the sake of a friend that you were trying to help. You could have been researching it because of something that you saw in the media. There are still options in the case that now is not the time for being open about this. Of course, if there doesn't appear to be a reason to fear for your safety or well-being, then now might be the time to let them in on your true identity.
Its the price you have to pay when living at home and, bless them, they are just worried that you may encounter "bad stuff" on the internet… if I was a parent I would probably be stalking too… sigh just be patient and once you can get some independence you'll be OK
You might have a look at this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/empty...14-coming-out-letters-transgender-folk.html#3 (*hug*)
Well, the thing is, although I am not worried about my safety per se, there is so much conflict going on in my house that I really don't want to add something else. I mean, really: when my dad asked me if I wanted to talk to my mom about that, I told him no because I can't talk to her without making her mad anymore. To put it like this, if you were to be locked in a romm for 24 hours and could stay in a room with me and my parents or a room with roaches and people scraping their fingernails down blackboards, you should probably choose the second one. It gets seriously awkward in my house.
Oh, I would worry about your safety, go read about some of the date rapes, and sexual assaults that have occurred off of social media sites. Gay, straight, or in-between, EVERYONE needs to be safe. It's not stalking when you are a minor, living under their roof, and they are paying your bills. Write a letter, not to anyone in particular, but write your feelings, identity, questions, whatever down. You can burn the letter after reading it (outside.) Getting it down on paper will prepare you for talking about it to others, including your mom. I haven't read your previous posts, so I'm not sure where you are in your journey. Come to terms with who you are, and how you want to express that to others. When the time comes you will probably go through a roller coaster of emotions, I know coming out to my wife of 21 years felt like I was jumping off a tall, tall building. My sister and mother fought constantly like you describe, worse after my sister hit puberty. Not a fun environment to grow in, I know. Don't change who you are to please them, their dynamic sounds f'ed up. They have their own issues to deal with, and that's not even considering you in their midst. I really can't understand parents who turn their backs on their children. Don't let fear decide your fate...
Uh, I strongly disagree; I think there is definitely a point past which a hovering, paranoid parent can be crossing a line regarding their minor child's psychological personal space & sense of safe personal boundaries. CyberMaster, I agree with everything that Gen said; I second that. My prayers go with you. (*hug*)
I second, er third, everything that Gen said - and I'll repeat that your safety is paramount. It sounds like you feel safe, but have a lot of other stuff going on in your family life as well and don't want to add to the things that are currently going on. Did I get that right? With that in mind, it might be helpful to think about the most positive outcome that you could imagine from coming out to your parents. Might they be really supportive and help with your transition, for instance? Might they assist you in going to a trans* support group in your area if you want? These are just some ideas, I'm sure there's things that I haven't thought about or other things that you could add. It could also be helpful to look at the reverse of that - i.e. what's the worst that could happen, and how you might handle that if it did come to pass. In the end, it's your decision to make, and no one else's - not mine, not your dad's, not anyone.
It is if they are constantly checking what you do and not allowing you any freedom. It's ok to occasionally check up on them but not constantly watch them. Privacy is a virtue.
