I don't know why but for the last 4 months or maybe longer, any time my whole family are together in one house and I'm with them, I get this horrible feeling in my stomach and I just want to cut so bad. I'm managing to keep from doing it by marking my arm with a pen instead. I know that my family is dysfunctional and that I have a poor relationship with them since I came out but I don't understand why I feel this way. With Christmas around the corner and it all being about spending time with family, I'm worried things will escalate and I'll take the self harm further. Unfortunately, I have nowhere to go over Christmas but stay here with them. I don't know why I am reacting so badly. Any ideas?
you're not the only one, my family leads me to self-harm too. But my family members exactly bully me at times, so I cannot feel comfortable around them anymore.
With helping self-harm, take your anger/disppointment/shame/confusion/sadness out on something else. If you have any unneeded paper, rip it up, destroy it and destroy that paper! Take it all out on the paper. The pen drawing is a very good idea! Every time you get the urge draw on your arm or rip something that is unneeded up.
I'm still feeling the same way. It's the weekend so they're all at home with me. All I can do is isolate myself. Today I went for a walk around the streets just to get some relief and now I'm stuck in my room trying to keep out the way. I can't wait to get my own place but I'm not in a position to do that yet. I am freaking out because Christmas is coming and I can't stand the way it makes me feel being around them.
Family is close to us, hence why we take their opinions (however flawed they may be) so harshly. They hurt us, because we keep our family close to our heart. If you can't find a solution, to talk to them... to make them see, that they are hurting you. Then (and notice, this is not actually the best way to handle this, but it works) what you can do is, to simply separate yourself, emotionally from them. Stop caring about their feeble opinions, as they don't even matter. What is important here is you, and your own happiness. If your family fails to play a role in making you happy, then cut them off (but not completely), push them away from your heart. Why harm yourself, for the sake of someone else, for what they said or did to you, why respect such people, enough that you would allow their words to harm you?
