I seriously hope this is the right place to post it: If it's not I'm sorry. I just want to talk to someone. I might explode if I keep t all in. I've had a crush on this amazing friend of mine for the longest time. She's just perfect in every way.. except that she's straight and she's also the kind of person who thinks that gay people are just men and women who haven't met the right woman/man yet. And she also told me that she was not confortable around a lesbian girl who used to liked her, so coming out to her is not an option. I've also had to witness an endless amount of kisses and touching between her and her boyfriend who also told me stuff such as "keep an eye on her, I don't want anyone to steal her. She's just perfect, etc.." And I was like "Duh! I know!!" And I also had to stay alone on a stone bench at night while the two of them were making out in his car (.. hopefully just making out) for hours, numerous times, just because she needed me as an excuse for her parents who didn't want her to date him. And I couldn't have stayed at home because her parents and mine usually talk to each other and would have found out. So basically after spending a horrible summer we decided to have a sleepover on the last night. I got really sick because of something I ate. The next day (the last day of summer) I was still really messed up when she and one other friend started teasing me about me liking some guy. They went on and on again and wouldn't stop. I just got tired of them, I was still feeling sick, and just took off just to make them stop. I know my gesture was childish and senseless, I've apologized and apologized but after two months she still wouldn't talk to me saying that teasing each other about boys is normal at our age and she was really offended by my reaction to it. Now I can't just tell her that A)I'm gay, that's why I'm not confortable when people are doing stuff like that to me B)I'm madly in love with her and need her to talk to me. I seriously don't think it's fair after all of the pain she caused me this summer to treat me like that, and all of her anger towards me makes me feel even worse. I know I was wrong, but geez, don't I deserve a little kindness after all I've been through?? I'm just really sad and messed up. Please guys, tell me what do you think I should do. I just wanna catch a train and go hug her. I just miss her and love her so much and I don't want her to be mad at me. She's the one person I really can't lose.. Just being a friend to her would be ok with me at this point.. Sorry about this really long post. I just needed to let this all out.
Hi Essie I really feel for you. When I was in my mid twenties I a huge crush on a work colleague and friend. He was stunningly good looking, loads of girls chasing him, was amazing fun to be with, a cute innocent personality and unfortunately totally straight! I remember times when we would be walking from our office to a job, I had to put my hand in my pocket in case I would hold his hand. I think it was more unrequited love rather than a crush. He was not homophobic, but I never told him how I felt as I would never have done anything to upset him. In fact I never came out to anyone until many years later. I even invited him to my wedding (boy was I a self denial stage). I remember standing at the alter knowing that I wanted him instead of my wife to be. Through various circumstances we lost contact with each other. One day while walking in town I bumped in to him, we talked about what was going on in our lives. The romantic feelings I had for him had disappeared, that made my a little sad. So what should you do? I don't really know, but I think time will change how you feel about her. In my case, I knew at the time, that my feelings for him would never be returned, so looked for love elsewhere. I hope things work-out for you. (*hug*)
Hi, thanks for answering. I'm sorry about how things ended up with you and your friend. I just want to stop having feelings for her, that's all. It was Easter when I first saw the two of them together. It hurt. A lot. I cryed my eyes out that night. At first I didn't even understand why. I thought I was feeling that way because she's always been like a sister to me and it was just weird to see her all grown up. But I soon realized while texting to a friend that I just didn't want her to be with the guy, even tough he was just lovely. Hopefully time will make it all go away. I hope everything worked out okay for you in the end. Thank you again for answering. You were really sweet. (*hug*)
Hi Essie Things did work out as well as could as could be expected with me and my friend. I was really delighted that he was happy in his life, the only thing that was disappointing was that I didn't get that magic tickle in my heart every time I was with him when we were working together. (I am such a big softy :icon_redf ) It made going to work a lot nicer.:eusa_danc I suppose The only thing I learned was that no matter how much you love someone they might love you back. Being gay makes the possibility of unrequited love more lightly. I hope you manage to come to terms with your relationship with your friend. Lots of love and look after yourself.(*hug*)
Hello There, Thank you for sharing your problem with us, i hope you feel more relaxed now. Sometimes life treats us in a bad way. But i think that you should make your heart a stone for now and try to focus on something else because if you end up becoming friends again you will suffer even more, do you prefer the state you are in now or the state you were in that summer? Living with a dying hope and having to witness your crush with someone else.....it must be very painful. As YermanTom said, soon or later you will meet new people and rethink many things about you and your life.Probably people who will love you and care for you the way you are! If your friend was truly a friend of yours she wouldn't have dissapeared like that from your life, When you have a problem with a friend and you care for him/her you sit and talk with hm/her to solve it, you don't give up and run away!
Thank you again YermanTom I'll try (*hug*) ---------- Post added 9th Dec 2014 at 04:46 PM ---------- Hi Itisthefear! I just CAN'T stop being friend with her. We've known each other for so long now that I feel like I can't live without her. We somehow worked things out even if that means that next summer the exact same thing will happen again. At this point I don't know what to do. We only see each other for a month every summer but somehow my feelings keep getting stronger and stronger instead of fading. I feel like just being friends with her makes it up for the horrible days I've been through this summer: she's just worth all of the suffering. I can't lose her: It would be even more painful that seeing her kissing her boyfriend. But I also now that that's not what I should be doing if I wanna get over her.. I'll work on it. Thank you for answering (*hug*)
