1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

In the closet and acting as an ally.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Chromedome, Dec 5, 2014.

  1. Chromedome

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2014
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern Americas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I don't live in a lgbt accepting area, if you stay with the right crowd, types of people and areas you'll be fine, religious leaders reject discrimination, most people believe they shouldn't be discriminated, they accept lgbt teens into homeless shelters but the vocal minority homophobes are always dangerous. Even though there a few and far between maybe once every 2 years instances of gay bashing can still happen and can happen to me or anyone i know, one happened a year ago. I hate being in the closet but I don't care to take risks on my safety.
    What are you ideas on appearing neither gay or overtly straight to not gather attention, and acting as a straight guy who is fine with gays without be suspected of being gay.
     
  2. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Are you not coming out because of physical safety or mental safety? I totally related to the physiological rational for staying in the closet given all the discrimination that exists (although getting better), and LGBT discrimination certainly can lead to physical risks on occasion (pick up a paper in any part of the world to see that). However, statistically, I believe someone has a higher likelihood of getting hurt in a car accident compared with being physicall hurt by a hate crime. I am not saying this to try and minimalist the risk, I am just trying to put that into perspective. (And I am sure there will be a lot of debate with me on this topic). I have this argument with my partner all the time.

    As you yourself state, an incident occurs maybe once every two years. Car accidents occur daily. I bet you still get in a car when you need to?

    That said, I spent the better part of 19 years "acting straight", because of the phycological impediments that I put in place for myself by not previously having the confidence to confront my own insecurities. Having to try and act straight all the time, if that is even realistic as I am not sure what that even means at this point, was mentally exhausting.

    Although your not asking about it, I would recommend trying to come to terms with your own insecurities, build the confidence to be true to yourself, and live your life the way you want to. Of course, you need to keep physical safety in mind, but I am not sure I would let that define how you live. Otherwise, I hope you get used to walking, riding the bus or bicycling more often :slight_smile: