So, a long-term friendship possibly ended *sigh*

There is this friend I have known since elementary school. We went to different high schools. We've remained friends throughout our lives. He is a gay guy and he doesn't do much all day, but he smokes, is less promiscuous than he used to be, probably uses mind altering substances, and his place looks like a tornado blew threw it. He is a great host when I go to visit him and we have a great time, as in just hanging out. However, I've done all the work to keep in touch with him over the years. His "condition" has gotten worse and I'd rather not even stay at his place when visiting him, but I do and keep him fed when I go to see him. I don't know if there is much of a friendship left, though. Read on.

Within the recent past, I went out of town and asked about a friend of his, who I have met several times and would thus be an acquaintance to me. This guy lived near my destination and actually in the city of the airport I'd be flying home from. My friend just sort of glossed over making the link with his friend for me. So, with his friend listed, I called him up on my own. This acquaintance remembered me and was perfectly ok with meeting up. In fact, when I got there, he insisted that I not stay at a hotel and stay with him. I did, but kept him fed, got a car, and did the driving. We always got along before and so we had a lot of catching up to do. As it turns out, my friend I'm writing about coincidentally was having his birthday right around then so we called him up and sang "happy birthday" to him. This acquaintance then put me on the line when my friend asked, "So who's the company you have over?" If I didn't bother to remember my long-term friend's birthday given that my host didn't remember it, he would have never received a birthday gesture like that. He appeared happy to get that call but also taken off guard.

Fast forward: Since then, I've called him numerous times and don't hear back. He's been spotty in the past, but eventually does call. One thing is that he is very weird about me getting along with any of his friends. He mentioned that there was a "cute" neighbor guy in his complex and then was nervously hovering when this neighbor guy and I were making small talk. He doesn't do relationships. He just sleeps around, but he's very possessive of anyone he knows.

I think he is pissed that I approached this friend of his. The friend had a great time. He moved back to where he came from but doesn't know many people, so he was delighted to have me as company. I didn't contact him for "those" reasons. In fact, what I saved in motel money was spent on treating him to lunch and dinner, and I went to the airport the following day.

Is my friend off base? Given the stupor that he lives in, would you just write him off? Or was I off base for contacting a friend of his, but someone who came over regularly when he was living near my friend about ten years ago and I knew? Have you had any fall outs with people for silly, immature reasons?

 

This is all past tense. It already happened, so I guess I already "decided." I didn't care how he would react because, if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't care if someone was passing through another city and looked up a mutual friend. The friendship has been unbalanced for a long time. Not to sound like a snob, this has been the case with practically all of my childhood friends that I hung onto where I chose educational and career paths and they did not. I hung on because of the history. However, with many friends like that, the chasm was getting wider and wider. I bet this is quite common.

---------- Post added 6th Dec 2014 at 07:54 AM ----------

True, on two levels.

The amount of money I spent to buy him lunch and dinner at nice enough places would have equaled the cheapest Motel 6 room, though I was eying the Travelodge.

Also, I've had to walk away from several long-term friends where the friendship just wasn't as strong as it was in our teens and twenties. We had changed so much. It is simultaneously difficult and at the same time there is some "relief," evidenced by the fact that you don't really miss them. As for this one guy, I don't care for his being up all night, doing whatever mind altering substance he was doing, and talking to himself when I crash on his couch. He used to just go to sleep like any other person.

So, yes, it is one of the hardest things and the operative word would be "disappointment." One is more disappointed than anything.

BTW, your post count and year you joined are equal at this point!