My life is in shambles/ my ex ruined my life

Sorry for the length of this story, but I need this off my chest bc im in so much pain. I just graduated from my University in May, I was in a frat the "party guy", did well in school had a lot of friends. I came out of the closet to most of the people in my college life second semester junior year, to overwhelming support. Anyway that's not important, after coming out I got close with two frat brothers who recently joined and were a grade below me. We became like a trio and dormed together my senior year, their junior year. They were best friends since childhood, and they kind of welcomed me in as their third.


Last Halloween, after we were already living together and they knew I was gay, one of my roommates (J) and I hooked up in our dorm. I thought we were just gonna have fun but we ended up falling deeply in love with each other. It was a big secret to everyone especially to our third roommate and best friend. After a few obvious slip ups we outed our love to most of our friends, even our other roommate and they accepted the relationship. Those who we didn't come out to knew but we didn't speak of it. We were together for like a year and I was never happier about being gay. We even told our siblings about our relationship, and we were eventually going to tell our parents, but it didn't happen. I spent a lot of my life being a self hating gay, so did my ex and he still deals with that today.

A few months ago he said his feelings changed and wanted to enjoy his senior year (I moved home about an hour away but still visited him literally every week). I spent 3 weeks hysterical and devastated, begging for him back and he eventually did come back and came to my house apologized 1000 times and said he loved me. We got back together for about three weeks when he decided to dump me again and crush me. He said his feelings changed, and on top of that he wanted GIRLS now.... He's always said he was Bi but I didn't believe him because before me he only had sex with 1 girl 3 years ago, and I don't even believe that he actually did.

Now we've been broken up for almost two months. We share a group of friends, as well as the same frat but he wants nothing to do with me. I literally have been begging him to just pretend it never happened and go on as friends but he makes it very clear he wants me nowhere near him.

I've fallen into a really serious depression because I just can't accept that my best friend, and former love of my life can just dump me and drop me and not even care about me as a person. Anytime I reach out to be friends he either ignores me or is the nastiest person. I'll admit when he first dumped me I was kind of crazy with txting him and stuff , but it was bc my heart was broken. I also would rather be friends only than nothing at all.

My therapist says that he is trying to be the "straight bro" and forget about what happened and that his hate towards me is probably because I remind him of being gay. But on top of all this, we weren't out to everyone in our frat so everyone just thought we were best friends, so he makes it a lot more awkward now for everyone. I know I was crazy when we ended it but I just want my friends back and him to be a friend in my life but idk if that's ever gonna happen.

I am sort of dating someone else now, but he has yet to even sleep with a girl in two months apart (he's very attractive he can sleep with almost any girl) which confuses me more . I can't contact him anymore for my own sanity but will there ever be a time where he comes around and wants to be my friend at least?!? Or like will my heart honestly ever stop hurting over the whole situation ??? I know people break up everyday but I consider it different when you start dating your best friend/ roommate to just hate me and want me completely gone .

Sorry for the super long story but any advice anyone =\\\\

 

Thanks guys. I think constantly reaching out to him instead of leaving him be made it worse. I don't even share the love anymore we once had it sucks more all the friends I've lost and awkwardness that is brewing because of it. I just want him to be civil but idk if that day will ever come.

I also hold my college dear to me I visit a lot even without him my best friends are there he's just created a lot of pain for me there too. I think soon im just gonna star visiting again and if we're in the same room he can ignore me.

I also never expected us to end, and the kid im dating is an awesome guy theres just always gonna be some heartache over my first love ... We loved extra hard so I guess we end it extra hard =\ I appreciate the advice though

---------- Post added 9th Dec 2014 at 04:36 PM ----------

And no there was no true disagreement just his feelings changed... And honestly mine were starting to get a little shaky too, but I wanted to work on us as a couple where he's very whatever about everything and it was easier for him to end it and forget.