1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Thought I was finally over someone... love him more than ever

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bounced, Dec 10, 2014.

  1. bounced

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2014
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have written on here before about my friend who I had fallen in love with... it started out 18 months ago as a very intense friendship. I had never met anyone like him before, and we bonded almost instantly the first time we met. There was something about him that I was drawn towards the moment I lay eyes on him, I can still remember it so vividly. I was always so skeptical and cynical of people that believe in 'love at first sight.' I didn't fall in love with him at first, and to be honest I was a little apprehensive about how full on he was with me to begin with. My brothers and other friends all said he was gay and infatuated with me. I brushed all this aside and we became very close and were practically glued to each others side.

    We went out drinking together all the time, met each others friends, went to the gym together, movies, played xbox, out for food etc etc all the time. I loved his company and personality, we are very similar in these aspects and I think that's a lot of the reason we clicked immediately. After about 6 months of hanging out I started noticing that I had these weird feelings for him. I denied them for a few weeks but it got to the point where my heart would race when I knew I would be seeing him again soon, and I would miss him when he left. I refused to acknowledge them and it took several months for me to actually admit that I had fallen for him.

    Let me say here that I have never felt this way about a guy before, I have been in love with a girl before and it took me several years and never seeing her again to get over her. This felt the same, that deep longing inside my chest, the ache while lying in bed at night wishing he was next to me. I would get jealous when he hooked up with girls and tell me about it (although I would do the same thing so I had no justification for being jealous).

    There are many things he has done since we became friends to indicate to me (and others) that he is not 100% straight. We sleep in the same bed all the time, every time we go out and stay at my place afterwards he sleeps in my bed with me. He has spooned me several times while sleeping together and it felt like absolute bliss to me. One night he stripped completely naked while we were in bed together (I still had my underwear on) and only put his back on a few hours later. Often when we are sitting on the couch or lying in bed together our arms or legs are touching each other and neither of us tries to move them away, we can sit like that for an extended period of time and not even mention it. Many of my other mates would get embarrassed even if we accidentally touched feet and act all weird about it.

    When I look at him sometimes and he looks back at me I can feel this intense connection between us. He has piercing ice blue eyes, light brown hair, fair skin and is quite muscular. He isn't typically what you would define as super attractive (hey neither am I) but I find him totally irresistible.

    So anyway, over the past couple of months I believed that my feelings for him had faded, I came to the conclusion that he would never be interested in me and forced myself to try and move on and get over him. It was working to begin with, and I actually was happy because we could just be friends and I wouldn't have to agonize over this anymore. However, over the past couple of weeks my feelings have returned and they are way more intense than even before. I lie in bed at night and my heart aches wishing he was lying next to me. I want to kiss his neck and wrap my arms around him and just lie there forever without anything in the outside world worrying us.

    I have no one else to talk to about this. I would now classify myself as bisexual, I am attracted to women and enjoy having sex with them (although my motivation to hook up with girls has diminished substantially since these feelings came back. I often feel extremely lonely and isolated and hate being on my own because these thoughts and feelings are all consuming.

    What do I do? I can't tell him, he may never speak to me again. I can't tell my family, they would be so shocked they would have a heart attack.

    I feel so alone....
     
  2. SouthernGeek

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2014
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Carolina
    Dude, he laid in bed naked with you? I think you need to lay it out there and talk to him. It seems pretty obvious to me that he's given you signs.

    But if you want to be sly about it, next time he sleeps over, why not you take your underwear off and see what he does?
     
  3. bounced

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2014
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know that his actions beg a lot of questions and they aren't the behaivour of a guy that is 100% straight but I'm so scared about making a move incase he freaks out and it ruins our friendship. I get angry sometimes because I almost feel like he made me fall in love with him, (like I would have ever been able to resist it anyway), and now he has me in this vicegrip that is impossible to escape from. The other night we were lying in bed watching a scary movie (what totally straight guys do that anyway) and he was breathing on my back and it almost drove me crazy. Then he rolled over and just stared into my eyes and smiled at me for a whole minute. It was all I could do to stop myself from leaning over and kissing him right there...

    I think he knows even if he made a move and I didn't reciprocate then it wouldn't damage our friendahip. But I don't know how he would react if I tried something... even talking about it could cause him to run 100 miles in the opposite direction