how many of you have lost a friend after admitting your feelings/hooking up?

I have posted many times about my own story with telling my straight best friend how I felt for him. In total, it took us about 7 months to iron out all of the 'problems'. We swung from him 'trying to turn gay for me', to him 'not changing the way he acted towards me', to me telling him to be 'cold to me', to me backtracking and telling him that 'I missed how he used to act towards me', to me being jealous, to us taking a two week break where we didn't talk to each other, and finally, to the settled state that it is now. I wouldn't change a thing right now, it is just perfect. I have no physical or romantic attraction towards him now (I say this unequivocally), and even though he has shown the odd bisexual tendency here and there, I would never act upon it because I simply cannot feel that way towards him anymore.

That said, I see him as my best-friend, the person who knows my life inside and out, the person who I can always talk about how my dates with guys went, or who I hooked up with, the one and only true friend to whom I don't have to hide my sexuality or pretend that I find a girl hot... It's absolutely great! I know he would have my back in a fight, and I would have his back in a fight... And I know that he always has me covered through thick and thin. He is the first person I'd contact if ever my car were to break down, and I am sure that I am the first person he would ever tell anything to if ever there was a problem... we have each other covered...

That and he is also a great wingman for me... myself- not so much as I'm hopeless in social situations with girls.

My point being, there are many, many threads out there where the gay guy has feelings for his straight best friend- the best friend cannot reciprocate, and the gay guy drops the best friend and whinges about it. That was never really a friendship if you can just drop your pal like that. It was just simply someone trying to get into someone else's paints.

As for what you have said... I know it is difficult. I would advise you to tell him if you genuinely believe that you two are really that close. If not, then you may as well remain silent about it, try to come to terms with the fact that he is unavailable, and see him as a friend. In the ideal world, all friends should, and would be accepting of our sexualities... But the one thing that I have learnt through all my adventures is that, sometimes even though a person can be a fundamentally caring and well intending person, their overarching and deeply ingrained values and beliefs can prevent them from fully expressing this. And we sometimes hold a prejudice that just because someone 'freaks out' at your admission, that they are a bad, unworthy person... No, they are just a little ignorant...

 

For me, it happened twice. I was 16 and i was hopelessly in love with my a friend...not best friend. I decided to tell him and he was super cool about it. He even made jokes about it. Fast foward 7 years later (to now), we're stilk close. He even tries to hook me up with some of his gay friends/acquaintances.

Case two was a little over a year after the first one. I had just started my A levels and i fell deep in love with this guy who seemed sweet and awesome. We'd made our little clique of around 7. I finally decided to come clean and the guy went ballistic. He told most of our classmates (i live in an african country where homosexuality is considered a form of satanism). I was shunned, most people kept their distance. It was super lonely. All my ''friends'' dropped me, though some tried to make amends. When i see the guy now, it's like we never knew each other. I was closest to him than the other 6 of our friends.

 

I waited over a year to tell my best friend. He said he forgave me. Then he went crazy and decided to screw me over in every way possible, even at one point making me homeless for a short time and selling a family heirloom of mine. To this point I don't know if he told his girlfriend and she told him she's not okay with that. My mistake was not telling hI'm day one, unfortunately, day one was when I met him. So that was hard to do. Point is, secrets kill friendships, be as honest as possible as soon as possible. Don't go into sexual attraction, simply things about his personality, laugh, etc.

 

I began to have a crush on one of my friends, took me about 8 months to finally admit it to him. I opened up to him (he wasn't the first person I opened up to about my sexual orientation) and he was totally fine with it.

He began asking me to go to the movies with him or to go eat dinner with him. We grew a lot closer together and are still growing closer together, and I am feeling more and more in love with this guy - . He took it amazingly well that he actually respected me for telling him about my orientation that he wanted to befriend me and have a stronger relationship.

I hope you have the courage to open up to your friend and tell him that you have earned his respect and want to tell him something deep about you. At the end of the day your friend should be supportive of you and actually have more respect for you, for actually opening up to him.

I hope the best for you !