If you read my other posts you know I messed up and got into a rebound relationship after my 2 year relationship ending. It was a bad break up and made me anxiety/depression worse. (My doctor will be starting me on antidepressants after Christmas and I'm in waiting list for CBT therapy). I've been in break-ups but before my ex boyfriend my longest relationship had been just under a year, and the guy was a bit of dick so it was easy to shrug off. But this time I can't just shake it off as the wrong person, 'cause he wasn't We broke up cause he's straight and wants biological kids - something I cannot do due to dysphoria. I read all this stuff about learning to be happy with yourself/love yourself but that's so hard with dysphoria/mental blah. My suicidal thoughts have been going nuts and it's starting to scare me. I've gone running in the rain at night a few times to blow off steam and the number of times I've contemplated throwing myself in front of an ongoing lorry is ... just scary I just think with my own body issues how the hell would I enter a new relationship? And how the hell do I reach the point I can even do that? There's just so much wrong with me and I just don't know. I miss living with another person whom I could hug whenever I wanted the most. My parents/brother aren't huggy types. Seems like such a silly little thing but it's really bothering me :/
You made the right choice. I don't handle it. The loss of energy always made me feel physicaly sick. I end up asking other people out. I've never been single for more than a week since I turned 15. It's funny because I'm independent in almost every other way. The best advice I could give you is to not worry about relationships for a while. Be selfish and enjoy it. You don't have time to think about relationships when you're having fun. There are plenty people that won't make a big deal out of the trans thing. The difficulty is finding them and often they're too shy to make the first move. One more thing. If you still look younger than your real age, then some people might be especially scared to ask you out, if they don't know why that is.
