My last relationship / sexual experience was 3 years ago. Since, I have been confused and conflicted with myself. I started dating again and the second guy I met I actually really like him. He's really cool, fun to hang out with blah blah blah Then... we had intimate relations. 1) for some reason, I really don't like much any aspect of gay sex. I kind of always wait for it to be over. I think it's kind of gross... but I do it to appease people. 2) he definitely got more out of it than me, emotionally. He had a huge shift in personality before and after. Much more attached and that just doesn't happen to me. I don't feel any major attachment due to sex. Over attachment alienates me. I never feel as connected in the relationship as the other person. What are your thoughts
Your first line suggests your confused and conflicted. This sounds like it might be part of the underlying problem. What is it that your confused and conflicted with? Maybe if you resolve those concerns, the rest might fall into place?
I just never feel anything when having sex. I'm definitely attracted to men, I just feel no spark. I like cuddling, embracing but once the kissing and the rubbing and the sexual advances begin I start disliking it.
Yes. I do. I'm trying to get over the shame. But I just don't find it enjoyable. I don't want to "finish..." and I really couldn't without going for a long time... I don't like either position but it's much easier to appear into it as a "bottom." However, that is unbelievably uncomfortable and I am just praying for it to end. ---------- Post added 13th Dec 2014 at 04:43 PM ---------- Yea, I thought I might have been asexual. Actually... what I'm starting to consider is that I'm actually one of those neutral genders... I don't feel like a guy or a girl. I certainly have attributes of both though. And I don't necessarily feel gay, even though I'm a guy attracted to guys. I've actually always called myself, jokingly, a neuter. I didn't realize it was an actual thing...
All sex is kinda gross. However, if you are sexually aroused by the person you're having sex with, then that shouldn't be a problem; unless of course you are trying to repress yourself (internalized homophobia?...).
Yeah... there is some level of internal homophobia. Definitely. I don't necessarily like it, I think it is a lesser form of relationship. I don't like disclosing to people that I'm gay. I don't want anyone to know I'm interested in engaging in a relationship with guys. The thing is... no one I know would care. My parents know and think I'm nuts. Some close friends know... my priests know... no one cares and think I should just go for it. - - - - - I am very far from being an emotional person. I'm not emotional... I've actually considered I might be a sociopath, but I have eliminated that... I feel enough emotion once I like them enough. The thing is... when I was younger I became very emotionally attached (I'm talking 13-15) and I felt terrible when I broke up with them. It was depressing. I was in my last relationship at 18 (since I have done nothing... until now) and it was really crushing. I forced myself not to be that emotionally attached... but I did, in fact, become attached. So I just deviated from relationships for a long time. Now I just feel heartless. I guess I'm answering my own questions... I just don't want to be hurt.
Well I guess once you will deal with those issues and fully accept yourself, you will be able to objectively tell what you like or don't like about sex and relationships...
Definitely sounds like your internal homophobia is having an impact on your ability to enjoy sex. I agree with soul catcher, try and work through you issues and you might find everything else falls into place. Have you engaged with a therapist at all?
