I know you have seen it heaps, but I feel this is just a bit different, well mostly still the same, I have spent hours reading all the threads on this, there were so many, and had some good pieces of advice. We been mates about 4 years, best mates last year or 2, but live in 2 different cities over 1000 miles apart. Year we met, was year we worked together saw each other every day, hung out heaps, then got transferred to different cities. Like everyone I am madly in love with, him, he is the cutest, hottest guy i have ever seen his body is prefect, he is very smart, bit of a jerk, witty, spontaneous, committed, driven, knows what he loves don't give shit about anyone etc etc etc. Plus all the little things he does just so fucking awesome, every time we together life is prefect. We get on amazingly well insanely well, talk about everything, on our last little trip we had he really opened up about private things that i know he don't like talking about and next day was like dam now you know some of my secrets. He is a bit introverted and hates people, likes his quite life, he just has a few mates, his misuses and fairly big family. Apart from his GF he has never spent as much time with anyone else as he has me. We have the same job but in different cities, we holiday just him and I for a few weeks every year, as part of work and they are always the best few weeks of the year for us both and I get massive holiday depression for weeks, almost months after that trip. Dont know why i had to write all these details, but yeah this is a weird process Unlike many other threads there no signs to make me wonder if he is gay or not, like kissing necks, or hugs, or up and down stares, arm or hand holding on anything like that. The odd towel pull when out of the shower, or dropped my towel or changing in front of each other but that's what boys do. Once he asked why i didn't pull his towel off, cause if that was me he would off but that's me reading WAY to much into it, wishing he was but hes not gay. Told him that I love him and he one of my best mates most times on the piss (not love love NO one knows I am gay) and end of last trip he said, yeah love you to, first time he ever said that. Now not saying yay he loves me like I want him to, he never will, but a platonic best mate love, its good to hear that you do mean something to them. I feel this is a little different because its not in high school, we are not discovering our self ( well i still might be well, i know that i am gay but will not say it. This is the FIRST time I have Ever done anything like this hope this don't get out.) I been so deep in the jock lifestyle for so long with parties and hooking up with girls which i love but not truly me but there no way i can lose it just yet but it is slowly fading). My mate is not single, being in a relationship for over 8 years, high school sweet hearts, he is straight gonna have kids and all. Now the obvious issue that i hate is that i obsess over him when he not around, we text weekly and call for long chats every few weeks, if he dont reply back to texts i get angry and when finally does so happy its so fucking stupid, I have tried to stop, ignore most of them as out of site, out of mind, works a bit. Also when i busy I don't think about him as much its great. But he has noticed of course and even his GF to both asking saying, are you ok, did I/he do something, say something, hes sorry, but its just me pushing him away as I am SICK of feeling like this. Life be so much better without feelings I feel this is something that i might need to do to stop obsessing over him, wanting to be with him, which will never happen. But as you know when you got a mate that just gets you on every level, that you are so comfy with and always have the time of ya life with, loves some of the things you do and that you can act so dam stupid and dumb around each other and feel so comfortable you just don't wanna lose it. There only a few people in ya life that you are lucky enough to meet like this, you gotta hold onto them but wished i didnt love him like i do HOW do I RID these dam feelings stupid heart so annoying. I cant believe i just poured my heart out sorry to bore you all i never dairy or blog or forums shows i must be desperate I cant believe i have just written this, this is huge you don't understand i am a extrovert popular guy i not ready to lose that yet man this cant get out.
You already have a strong enough relationship with this person on a platonic level, yet you are not satisfied with this? What exactly are you hoping to achieve here? Be open to the idea that you might find someone else, that is equally as special as this person. Rather I should say, a different kind of special (you'll know when you meet him). Stop obsessing over the idea of having anything more with this person and just live in the moment, appreciating what you already have, not pushing him away. Also, don't completely turn down the idea that he is not gay, he might as well be bisexual. Not having kids for 8 years of marriage, is a not very common. I'd say curious at most.
Thanks for your reply shinji. Your right it is a strong relationship and i think i just want the one thing I cant have and that's the sexual side of things that's what i want, but know I cant have. So really asking, wondering how I can stop these feelings, get over this as to stop hurting my self. Feelings if only we could have control over them would make life so much easier.
There are about 7 billion people on this Earth, so chances are that there is someone out there that you will have feelings for, who will for sure reciprocate (and might even willingly declare them). Knowing that, you should focus on the fact that you will meet someone, and that your friend doesn't have to be the one. I've been in this situation before, and what's made it easiest for me, is to focus on other things for a while. Not cut him out, but focus on work, friendships, family. This will help you to realize your need for him and his attention is not as necessary, and that life just rocks in general. It will help you move forward, and realize you don't need his affection as much, which I think will make for a stronger friendship. The world is large, and full of people. Even if your friend isn't the one, know that in the future (perhaps tomorrow even ) a guy might just show up out of nowhere who will be that special someone. That's all I have. Good luck.
Yeah cheers Somnium. I have tried to distance my self from his calls and texts in the last month or so and when busy or on holiday this has really helped, but still many times something had happened and i wanted to call text him about it, but i didn't as i knew it would just consume me till i got a reply. True friends, best mates are hard to find sometimes people never find one, others are lucky to go there whole life with there best friend by there side, he is one of these to me, but to stop all this craziness and my stupid obsessing over texts and chats with him and phone calls i think the only way is to just cut all ties with him and over time i be ok. Having him in my life gives amazing joy and happiness, when we hang out, chat and holiday. but when we are not doing this it just drives me crazy sometimes thinking about him so much and over thinking texts and things. Maybe hypnoses could get rid of my feelings for him and we could just be mates. I think the sexual attraction is the worst always wanting to see him naked and thinking about him heaps when i self pleasure. If got rid of this horrible attraction it be fine but cant maybe only way to do that is to replace him with someone else then might be able to be mates again. Life was never meant to be easy but man it be great if we could control our feelings sometimes gets you in so much trouble sometimes
Start looking for another guy. Hook up with some guys you think are hot, start going on dates with other people.
