Hey guys... First of all,pardon for my bad English..but I'll try my best to make it as clear as possible..I think I need help. I am closeted gay and very discreet. I have a very close friend.I know him for 15 years..We don't talk much personally or virtually,rarely meet each other..but he always take chances to hangout with me whenever possible. Long story short...last year I found out he is bisexual on a hook up app. He actually outed himself to me,like accidentally..without him knowing that. On that app,he is very discreet just like me. No profile picture whatsoever. He text me first and we had a casual talk. We basically talk without knowing each other. Then he sent me his picture. It's him..my friend. I am 100% sure it's him. But I don't sent him mine(cheating,I know). I never reply to his text after that. But I still met him in real life,knowing his biggest secret. Yesterday, this thing happen again..he outed himself to me without knowing it on a different app. That mystery guy who's talking to me is my friend. Again he doesn't know who he's talking to. I was thinking to confront and tell him the truth,and let him know I am gay. But I am not really sure if that is a good idea? And he's kinda mysterious. I knew him for long,but I only knew part of him. I'm just afraid my decision to coming out to him and reveal the truth is way too drastic? He probably can't take it and might ruin our friendship. Opinions?
I would reply to one of his messages with your picture. It then puts each of you on the exact same level, so the embarrassment is minimized. And, who knows, maybe there should be more to your relationship than you think.
Thank you for the fast response. If I can turn back time,I would do that or at least text him immediately about that..But,what passed is pass. I am just too scared back then.
Then send him a message simply saying how you want to talk to him about something personal, and then tell him. keep it simple.
Yes, your telling him will change your friendship, but it could be the beginning of a new and different level of friendship. I think you should tell him. The potential is very great; the risks seem less so. Let us know what happens! !Milan!
Just be up front with him about it. Maybe you can bond over being gay? (That sounds awkward but you know what I mean lol)
Yeah, I would reply with picture and message. And then you can explain if it is, that you were just to scared back when you first learned. Then let things go from there. Never pass up a chance at a real connection
He could be one of those self hating gay guys who may seek out revenge on anyone who may out him. Not only homophobes attack you, others gays will attack you if they feel threatened. That sounded paranoid lol, just be cool.
well, it is a big decision. you have to protect his privacy. if you don't tell him, you must never tell anyone, even in the strictest confidence. never. but if you can take a chance with anyone, he is probably your safest bet. you know him, and how he reacts, whether he is prone to violence, etc. If there is nothing negative, then here is your opportunity to come out to him, and to apologize for not responding with your photo. remember, he took a chance with you, without even knowing it was you. are you willing to do the same?
I was thinking the same before I made my decision. I felt like I'm invading his personal space,but since he outed himself to me,it's unfair to him..He is my friend..I think it's safe and okay to come out to him too, and actually I did. I told him that the person he's talking to is me,he was shocked then laugh:lol: That was unexpected! I apologize to him,luckily he understand. And for the first time ever we talk about gay/bi topics..weird at first but tbh,I like it. We seems more open to each other than before. I just hope this is the right decision and won't harm my privacy in the future.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!) I am SO happy for you! The two of you are being honest, and not each of you has someone you can be honest with. Yes, you are more open with each other than ever before, more open, I suspect, than you have ever been able to be with anyone in your life. As far as your privacy in the future, well, that is really in your hands. It seems like he is as concerned about his privacy as you are yours. One person knowing doesn't change much in that respect, unless he's got some compromising photos :roflmao:. But the real inner joy of being out to your friend saturates your soul, you may find that you want to be out to others. I know that in your country this might not be easy, but there is a benefit in finding social circles where we can have friends with whom we can just be ourselves, and not have to live the lie. Enjoy this moment, and good luck with your future! I am so very happy for you that everything worked out so well, and that your true friend is now more of a real honest friend than ever. :eusa_clap
