Update / Words of encouragement

(I apologize for the length, the indented area is summarized in the TLDR)

I doubt many, if any, of you will remember be. I posted on here probably over a year ago with the typical crush on a straight best friend. But so much has happened since then, and by far for the better.

As much as I don’t want for this to turn into a cliche ‘it gets better’ post, it probably will. I’ll try my best to keep it short and to the point.

Quick recap: i fell pretty hard for my best friend at the time (we aren’t really close at all anymore, but not because of this. A variety of reasons that are irrelevant here). I was pretty upset at the time and somehow convinced myself he was gay too. You know, the typical stuff haha.

Well he was one of the first people I came out too, he was shocked but surprisingly supportive. I never actually told him about my feelings for him and denied them whenever he asked.

Only a few weeks after that, I began talking to one of my online friends about all of it, he came out to me as bi. Long story short, we both ended up with feelings for each other and we were “together” for around 3 months. It meant the world to me, but in retrospect it was hardly anything. But the relationship helped me a lot and I gained some confidence and self-esteem as a result. We still talk and are friends and stuff.

So again I went through a bit period of lonesomeness (at least romantically) but I never let it get to me like it did before.

Eventually at rookie camp (I’m in leadership in band, so I go early to help section leaders teacher the freshmen how to function) my now best friend (who came out to me only a few days before, we’ll call her J) had her girl friend and her best friend come and help during music. And by help I mean they came over to my section and we just talked the entire time. I thought her best friend (let’s call T) was actually really cute. So I basically was staring at him the entire time and I caught him doing the same quite a bit. My section leader and I (we’re best friends too) were casually texting each other how cute he was). Funny story, after he left we ‘fought’ over him until J was like you guys knew he was gay right? My GF asked if there were any single gay guys here haha. I started laughing and was like SUCK IT. I WIN.. apparently J was under the impression I had a BF so she never told him anything. Well she gets T’s number and we start talking and stuff. Apparently he did find me cute as well, but wasn’t looking for a relationship. Ugh. We still became really close friends and I was just texting him a few minutes ago.

Well fast forward about a month, my section leader who we’ll just call the harlot for our purposes, was like DUDE. JFC. COME LOOK AT GOD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATION as she showed me this guy she met in a play. I was like yeah he’s okay but never really thought much of it. She was a few months out of a pretty nasty breakup and fell for him pretty hard. Really hard, actually. As a band, we go to the theater after the second day of school to watch what’s called DCI championships. Basically marching bands made of the best of the best from their areas. They aren’t affiliated with any schools or anything. Hard to explain to those who aren’t part of this. Anyway, the harlot is pretty late at this point and tells me to save him and her a seat. So I do, and he sits next to me. this is the first time we’ve met so it was kinda awkward. I’m pretty socially awkward and consider myself to have at least a mild form of social anxiety, so i don’t really talk to him but hot damn this is one cute boy. We say a few things to each other but not much, and eventually the harlot gets here pretty late. Even his voice was perfection omg.

This is where things start getting complicated. Majorly complicated. There’s no way to explain this in short, so I’ll add a TLDR; at the end for those lacking in patience.

Our band + him start talking at the end and he’s a huge hugger so we hug. Best. Hug. Of. My. Life. Oh my god, talk about a flood of emotions.
Well our first is the next week, and his school doesn’t have a game so he comes to ours. We talk the entire time and hang out afterwards until my parents called at midnight furious I missed curfew. Oops.
But we really hit it off and we exchanged phone numbers and Snapchats and all that.

Well soon enough we’re talking literally all day. We first just Snapchat each other and then we just texted each other or messaged each other on Facebook all day. I really started growing mad, mad feelings for him.

So I popped the question
I just said some people in my band found him attractive and were wondering if he was gay?.

“Nope.” Damnit.

So I tried to keep my feelings at bay, and besides, I was the harlot’s wingman and was supposed to help her with him. So I bring her up and no, he doesn’t have feelings for her or really find her attractive. Eventually the three of us take a trip to the mall, where really he and I just bonded. Oh man, he does not act straight. We found every little excuse to hug (constantly!) and even cuddled in a love seat to “mess with the harlot”.

After a few more days and hanging out a bit more, something was obviously upsetting him so I pressed a little bit and asked if it was “feelings for the harlot”. Definite nope. I didn’t want to pry too much so I let it go.

That is
until the next day

Where I basically got the message that changed my life. Dramatic, I know. Cue the soundtrack.

He basically sent me the longest message I’ve ever seen saying he’s starting to get feelings for me like he’s never felt before. He always considered himself straight, but he’s never really had feelings for or has been attracted to anybody. Until me.
Wow.

Maybe a week, and string of irrelevance later, we kiss.
It was both of our first kisses’.
It was absolutely fantastic.
And that’s when we’re “officially” together.

We told the harlot sometime later, who took it pretty hard but I think she’s okay now.

Side note, at this point I’m completely out to the band and all of my friends. Cannot believe how amazing and supportive they’ve been. Many others have come out as well. It was like a rainbow wildfire!!

Fast forward a few weeks, he lets something slip to his extremely homophobic parents that the guy he’s “hanging out with” (totally not cuddling and making out with) all the time is gay. They were pissed and he was instantly banned from seeing me again. He does anyway.
Things go downhill fast.
They threaten to call the cops, everything.
I never actually saw him, just passed him on the road and I could see he has crying really really hard. and he texted me “parents know. have to go home. don’t know when i’ll see or talk to you again. i love you”. Alarmingly short and brief, but he was driving and he knows how much I hate him texting and driving.
Basically I lose all control.
I have to pull over and cry for like half an hour over the phone to my friend.
I regain control and almost get home. Get a text from Landon “DON’T EVER TEXT MY SON AGAIN!!!!"

They grounded him for a month, he lost his phone and all social life. He’s to go straight to and from school unless band is after school or anything. Otherwise he couldn’t leave the house.

Thank God, his parents forgot he had a tablet so we still found ways to see each other and everything was okay.

I know this is really cliche for a teenager, and something that’s said a lot. But I really do believe we’ll be the 1% that can call each other high school sweethearts when we marry. I love him with all of my heart and I know he loves me too. There’s just a part of me than knows.

So here we are, the day OF our three month anniversary. I’m at rehearsal (I play in a band at my church) and I look down on stage to see a text from Landon. My heart sinks, because we haven’t texted since then in fear of his mom finding out through phone records. We only communicate through regularly deleted Facebook Messenger conversations.

“I told you never to contact my son again!!! I’ll get your parents involved if I have to!”
Lovely. (Quick trivia, in the midst of this, she actually intended to file a restraining order on me, but he luckily talked her out of it).
So I begin crying as subtly as I can on stage.I have no idea what happened at this point but I get over it best I can, until I hear from him later that his mom took his phone for his grades (apparently weren’t good enough. He’s extremely smart and is #15 out of a class of 500). His mom is forcing him to go to a counselor, which his first appointment was today and actually went well. The counselor is completely accepting of him and me and only really wants to work on his mom ironically. Things are going better for him, his mom originally said if he decided to be gay he’d no longer have a family and many other horrible things. She’s now changed her tune to she’d still love him, but she’d never accept it and he has to wait to move out first. Progress.

Anyways, we’re in a good place now and are optimistic towards the future. I really think he’s the one. He does too. Granted we’re each others firsts, I’d bet money we’ll be each other’s last. ​

TLDR; Met best friends crush, fell for him hard, he’s straight, we bond, doubts his sexuality, we kiss, we’re together, parents get a hint and shit hits the fan. We’re okay now.


So my whole point and moral the story:

No matter how lonely you are, you’ll find love. Sometimes in the most unexpected places.

No matter how shitty of a situation you find yourself in, in truly does get better. Even when it looks like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, there’s always a small pinhole peeking through. Things have a way of working out and finding that pinhole

Merry Christmas, Empty Closets!

P.S. I failed to proofread, so if there's any confusion or general wonder, feel free to ask any questions!