Hi, I'm gay and I live in Asia(which is pretty much a stereotype area). I have been considering of coming out but the idea of literally everyone in my life are stereotypes, I'm afraid I'll lose everyone. First, the fact my parents are disgusted of same sex relationships though we are not christians. Second, the way all my straight friends will look at me and judge me behind my back after i came out. I just feel so alone and alienated at times, like people don't understand me and that no one will. And at times, i feel like sharing it with someone secretly, maybe a friend perhaps, but I just feel insecure and feared that he/she won't be able to keep this secret. I wanna come out, i wanna know that it's safe to do so, that people won't be judgmental or look at me differently. But deep down i know its almost impossible. If i came out which i think will make me feel more comfortable and open( no more hiding). my parents would never accept me, for hell i would be kicked out of the house as a disgrace to the family. My friends and relatives would probably backstab me since all of them are straight and the fact they make fun of gays all the time. I would totally be cancel out of my life. If i choose to keep myself, i feel like im just lying to myself, and i could never find true happiness. The thought of just keeping my true self in the closet with alone with all those emotions lock, just so i can make others happy or give what society and my parents what they expect. have kids and wife... I dont think i can lived up this guilt and remorse especially lying to my wife. The worst part is all of this, i can only keep to myself. these are words that i can never express to any of my close friends or family because i know they will never understand what it feels like. so my question, what should i do? should i be selfish and think about my own happiness, or should just pretend?
I'm sorry to hear how hard this is for you Are there no LGBT groups in your area that you can go to? Some kind of youth or support group where you can go without your family/friends finding out?
I think this is why there are so many Gay Asian guys that have moved to London. Here, they can be themselves and be open living their lives as they were meant to.
This is a difficult question for another person to answer Tangerine. It would be so easy and instinctive for me and others to say.. "be selfish... put yourself first", but we don't fully understand the consequences. Many of us live in a society with certain rights and freedoms that you may not enjoy, so we cannot fully appreciate how that sort of advice (if followed) would affect you. It might be better for you to consider what is possible for you, within the circumstances you described in your posting. Coming out would liberate you from the closet and remove the heavy burden of living a lie, but it may alienate you from family and friends with serious repercussions for your life, health and safety. Much as I encourage people to come out, these factors cannot be ignored and I wouldn't wish to see you in an even worse position. If everything went sour as a result of coming out, what would you do? More importantly, what could you do? I don't know how old you are, but do you see your future in your country or abroad? Have you ever entertained the idea of moving away to a more liberal/tolerant society? Is this even possible for you? Lot's of questions and few answers, I'm afraid, but the questions may assist you and give you something to write more about. Don't bottle it up Tangerine.. keep talking to us. We care a lot.
