Do you think I'm just being pathetic?

Ok, I don’t do this often but I am having difficulties and I need help.

I had a friend, for the purposes of this we’ll call her Emily. Emily and I were very close not so long ago. Emily was one of the very first people I came out to as a lesbian, and I trusted her a lot. Over the next few months, I came out to other people and discovered that someone else (we can call her Jade) was bisexual. I’ve always liked Jade and I developed a crush on her. After a few weeks, I decided to tell Emily about my crush on Jade. Jade told me she is bisexual, but she’s not out to many others. So when Emily decides to tell another girl (and not even one of our friends, a girl who likes to gossip) about my crush, without my knowledge or consent, as you imagine the rumours spread like wildfire.

Now Jade has had to come out to a lot more people than she’d like to. I know this is my fault, but I thought I could trust Emily. She’d broken my trust a few times before, but what really sent me over the edge was her inability to apologise sincerely.
This all happened over 2 months ago, in which time Emily and I haven’t talked. But today she has messaged me on Facebook and asked if we can talk.

I don’t know what to do and for some reason i feel really scared, because I don’t know what to do. I trusted her once before and she’s upset me and Jade. Now I feel as if I’m trapped, I don’t think I can talk to her even over Facebook because I just feel as if I’m going to break down. I have no idea why I feel like this but I just can’t talk to her. I don’t hate her or anything but I think I’m afraid of letting myself trust her again. I can’t do this.
Do you guys think I’m just being pathetic?! I have no idea why I’m so goddamn afraid I feel like crying.

 

I know that I need to tell her that, while we don't exactly have to be mortal sworn enemies, and that we can be friends and talk, we can't go back to what we were before and I can't be very close to her again. Because last time she did something like this, she told my Family on Christmas Eve about a 'crush' I had on a boy, after I'd told her not to. I'd have probably come out by now if it wasn't for that, because they still think I like him. And it's been just under a year.

(For the record, I didn't like him, he was just one of my best friends and I missed him because he goes to another school now. But she's one of those people who goes out with every boy she comes into contact with, she doesn't get that a girl and boy can be friends.)

But for some reason telling her this sounds really scary, because what if I don't know what to say and she has a lot more friends than I do, one of which has thrown me into a wall before, and then I always worry that I'm overreacting and I don't think she'll understand why us being friends again actually scares me. I had to sit through seven years of my stepdad beating my mum and us kids up, and then my mum would chuck him out but she'd always forgive him and he'd do the same thing again. That went on for seven years until he got arrested. And while this is nowhere near as serious as that, I still don't trust people very well after they prove unworthy of it.