I have been with my husband 11 years and married for 9. We have two daughters 8 and 5. He and I are both professionals in business and engineering. Our sex life came to a grinding halt after marriage. To conceive our girls he was really focussed on conceiving by having sex at the optimum time. I would think guys would be all "lets do it lots!" We never have sex now maybe twice a year. I always initiate. In bed he never touches me proactively, breast, or body. Not a cuddler. Like I make him uncomfortable.He is very sweet and affectionate in many ways but not that way. He is demonstrative with our daughters as well. He is 44 and I am 41. I am slim nice figure and told I am lovely. he has always been focussed in fitness but now is very OCD about marathon training and with a training team now. Help.
There could be many reasons why he's not sexually "thrusting" for want of a better expression - but it sounds from what you said that once the ring went on, the pressure went off and sex became a function rather than a pleasurable act for him - as though he's doing what's socially expected of him. The only person that can discover what is at the root of all that however, is going to be him. Have you talked much about it?
He talks about things but not feelings. Talking about sex is something I have initiated and his response is , tired, we need to make more time. It's all very vague. Thank you for responding.
have you thought about marriage counselling? It could be a place to bring up your concerns and suspicions. There could be other reasons, but it is possible that he is gay/bi. He may not be aware of why either. My sex life with my ex husband was same as yours, and I just thought there was something wrong with me. I had no idea I was a lesbian, but once I did realize, a lot made sense. This may not be happening to him, but at the same time, it is a possibility
It may be nothing to do with being gay or bi, he could have a low tetosterone problem, another type of medical problem, or be more asexual. He may have a very, very low sex drive, also. Just talk to him and ask him. Bring it up, because you really have nothing to lose at this point. You are not happy, he possibly is not happy either, and if he is gay, he may be terrified of losing his children and your friendship if you find out. You have the right to be happy in your relationship, but nothing will get solved unless you question it.