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Terrified of being in a relationship with a guy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Jerry36, Dec 21, 2014.

  1. Jerry36

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    I recently came out to a few close people, i am 36 now. I want a relationship but i am really scared. Thinking about it makes me really uneasy. On the other hand, i dont want to be alone for the rest of my life and i do want a relationship. I am tired doing a lot of stuff on my own. It makes me depressed too. I have some great friends but even with them i m feeling unhappy and really miserable. I feel pressure on one side, but the way i am feeling right now is not a good starting point for a relationship. I hope some people know what i mean and have some advise for me...

    Grts
    Jerry
     
  2. greatwhale

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    Hey Jerry,

    The idea of being with a guy is scary? Perhaps there are better words that I can suggest, such as, apprehensive, uncomfortable, unusual, interesting, exciting, awesome (notice the progression?).

    But before we get there, just be certain that you don't get into anything with anyone just because you are alone, it is very important that you learn to be comfortable being alone. We should enter into relationships with our eyes wide open, and with something to contribute to it. It is not meant to fill a void, or just not be alone. Passion, desire and everything in between are the drivers in relationships, let that be your motto.
     
  3. Jerry36

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    Thank you, are you in a relationship? What was it like for you in the beginning? I am not even sure where to meet guys my age whom i may like...it is hard for me to adjust to my new situation i guess...and get comfortable who i am
     
  4. 86soul

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    Just want to know,why are you so scared to be in love with a guy?
     
  5. greatwhale

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    Not in a long-term relationship, as of yet, but I find being with guys to be easy and pleasant. Like a very, very close friendship... :grin:

    You'll meet someone if you get out there and get involved in the community, you can volunteer, join an LGBT group, etc. You can even try online, but my standard advice is to get offline with someone interesting as soon as possible.

    As I said above, it is like a close friendship, to a point, but friendship first is first and foremost, then you can let things happen. Just be interested in the other person and try to forget yourself a little.
     
  6. AKTodd

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    I've been in a relationship for 18 years and just married my partner (now husband) last Thursday. You mention getting comfortable with who you are. Are you still working on that part of being gay and is that the reason (or part of the reason) you are feeling scared about a relationship? I guess to some degree, I'm echoing 86soul in wanting to know what you find scary about the idea of a relationship with a man. In my experience, identifying the source(s) of a feeling, particularly fear, is a good first step to overcoming or otherwise dealing with it.

    Thanks!

    Todd
     
  7. Jerry36

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    Thanks aktodd,congartulations..

    I think i havent accepted who i am yet...im still in the process of coming out...i am still feeling very awkward telling about it, it makes me nervous, anxious and miserable even thinking about telling. I hate it. It thought telling people ( parents and a few friends) would make me feel better but it didnt. It is like by telling i finally realized who i am and it struck me hard. I dont like myself. Going to a lbtg group..i dont think i have the nerve for it. I am a bit stuck now... I guess now i know why i am scraed for a relationship with a guy...i havent accepted my new me yet
     
  8. AKTodd

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    What do you find most difficult about accepting yourself? In particular, why don't you like yourself? Are you having difficulty accepting being gay (and if so, what in particular about being gay are you struggling with?), or is this based on something else?

    Todd