How do I come out to close friends and family as queer, but without knowing exactly what sexual orientation I am? I know I lean towards liking women, but I don't know if there may be any part of me that likes men-- I've had things that may be crushes for men before, but honestly I've repressed my same-sex feelings/overly encouraged my opposite-sex feelings, to the extent where I'm going to need a bit of time to figure things out for sure. I'd rather not come out as lesbian and then end up falling for a guy, but at this point lesbian as a label describes how I feel a lot more accurately. I know that if I don't come out to people, I'm going to end up just repressing things again or overly focusing on it. FYI my parents are pretty supportive of LGBT rights in the abstract, but when I tried to tell my mother I was lesbian back in middle school she denied it and told me she'd never seen any sort of lesbian tendencies in me, and that everyone goes through a lesbian phase at some point. It was pretty hurtful and ended up making me doubt everything that I'd felt--and pushed me to date men, which of course is going to make it that much harder to tell people I like women.
You tell them that you are "questioning". or "curious". It expresses that you are not yet sure but that you know that there is "something" you want to look into further. Mums can be horribly inappropriate at times, I know mine is. But don't take it to heart - she just wasn't thinking when she spoke and it was a surprise to her because she had no idea. (Mums think they should know everything about you because they are Mums and so its hard for them to recognise they actually might not be in full possession of the facts.) Only tell people you trust when you feel it is appropriate. And tell them WHAT you feel is appropriate at the time. There is a growing awareness that sexuality is a fluid thing and does not always remain fixed, particularly in women - so people may not be entirely surprised if you later decide your preferences lie in a stronger way one way or the other. It will be ok x
Thanks! I appreciate it. And yeah, she probably wasn't thinking too much when she said it-- probably thought I was looking for reassurance that everyone had girl-crushes, when in fact by that point I was totally okay with being full-blown lesbian. Also realizing this would probably have been better off posted in the "coming out" forum, huh...oops
