Hi guys, New here, I think I experienced my first heartbreak. First, I'm a mid 20s guy who has this straight friend for a little more than a couple of years. You could say he is my buddy, as we go out often such as watching movies. At the beginning, I was attracted to him and thats how I started being his friend in order to get closer. I concluded that he is straight but -stupidly- developed feelings for him and thinking of the 'future' if we were to be together(which probably wouldnt happen). But I knew that someday he will have a girlfriend. So a few months ago I notice that he was always online on a chat app, when he is usually online a few days at a time such as when I send him stuff. I kinda felt that he has found someone now but I wasnt sure. Hence a few days ago, I asked him when I went out with him and he confirmed he is attached to a girl. My outside self was ecstatic for him and I ended the day telling him that I'm so happy for him. However, my heart sank and broke at the mention of it.And he even mentioned that they're going on a trip together in a month. Honestly I am impressed with myself not choking up and kept a straight face all the time! I saw it coming, but god it still hurts like hellfire. I am not sure what to do and feel at all! Its making me nauseous thinking about it. It felt like getting hit by a train. Im trying to stop thinking about him and what he's going to do but it's very very difficult and painful(like whats gonna happen during his trip with her). *I* wanted to go on a trip with him. He's a really great guy to hang around with, and I would lose someone who I frequently meet to pass the time during my breaks. He is also someone i can really relate to cause he is very funny and both of us would be enjoying each other's lame jokes and stuff. Do I remain friends with him because right now i feel that I should just forget about him. Sorry for the long rant/story.. I really really want to stop feeling so depressed and without energy to do anything.:help:
I don't think you should sacrifice your friendship. You guys have a great relationship and it's not one that you should just up and quit on. Maybe you could use the time while he's away to distance yourself from him and try and pick up something to get your mind off of him. I've been in your shoes before and the best way to get over someone is to take all of the space and time that you need. (*hug*)
I'm in a similar boat. Got really close to a guy a couple of months ago when we were working together. I wasn't intending to fall for him so hard but I picked up vibes from him from the get go. He had just split from a long term girlfriend but I definitely got lots of smiling eye contact, being friendly overall and during our time hanging out every day many other subtle things that led me to believe he was at least questioning his true sexuality. I gradually fell in love with him, more on a deep emotional/friend level than a sexual level and then we stopped working together. I tried to keep in touch - generally by text etc and he would always quickly respond but it always feels like I'm the one initiating. It hurts so much inside. I decided to stop initiating and see if he contacted me (he only did once previously). He didn't and several weeks went by. The hurt never subsided and my feelings for him veered between even deeper love and then frustration/betrayal at him not making an effort to at least stay in contact as friends - after all, we hung out loads in a two month period. I had cause to phone him and we had a nice long chat but he's not been in touch since. Part of me thinks he's in denial and being in regular contact with me will force him to face stuff he doesn't want to /isn't ready to admit. There's a likelihood that we will be working together again in the new year and I don't know how/if I can deal with it. How will he be towards me? How do I communicate my disappointment with him for his lack of commitment as a friend? And amidst all of this confusion I still have strong feelings for him. A while ago I was prepared to come out to him in person at the next available opportunity but now I'm not sure, especially as he is the reason I have finally started to acknowledge my sexuality/attraction to people is gender fluid. In your case your friend is straight. It doesn't matter - the hurt is the same right? I've been trying to occupy myself with other things and other people. It still feels like part of me has been ripped away when I start to think about the situation again but being around other people helps. I suggest you try to put yourself around a bit. Try not to lose him as a friend. In my case the friendship is WAY more important than any sexual attraction I might/might not feel and I think that's why it really hurts at the moment. If you love him as a friend then allow him his space and his new relationship and happiness. Love, whether platonic or romantic, is all about sharing someone, not trying to own them. I know the pain can be almost crippling but try to hold onto that friend.
Thanks for both of you for sharing your personal experiences and advice. They really mean alot as this is the only place that I can turn to for help. The pain is a little less now, trying not to think too much though it still makes me sad. Throughout the years I thought we had something special but I guess its just a fantasy that my brain fabricated. I think I wont contact or go out with him unless he does but that wouldnt be likely due to his new relationship. I was thinking of looking for someone to date or to chat too( using an app). Is that a good idea? It seems like a rebound move and also Im still not out yet Thanks again Ugh i almost forgot.. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I am so sorry, I know the feeling, trust me. However, you shouldn't end the friendship, that would probably hurt even more. Just because you can't be together romantically doesn't mean you can't succeed at having a life long friendship. Good luck,and merry Christmas.
No love-triangle is complete without the poor, heart-broken gay guy lol Seems like we've all been there at least once. Unfortunately, you got stuck with the bitch role for this act, but you'll get your turn in the spotlight
I'm going through a similar thing at the moment... I've had strong feelings for this girl for over a year now, and recently she told me that she'd met a guy online and was planning to meet up with him. I was devastated but I hid it will. I'd do anything to make her happy :/ I even took her to the train station on the day she went to meet him.. and met her at the station again when she came back. A couple weeks ago she told me that she's in love with him and it's torture. It's tough because I want to be her friend, she's a great person... but I need to get over her. The easiest way to do that would be to cut her out of my life completely. But I don't wanna do that because she's a good friend. Here's the best advice I can give... don't stalk him on social media!! Don't go out of your way to message him or meet up with him.. You won't gain anything from it.. It will only drive you crazy.
Thanks again guys, your advice are already great christmas presents one could ask for. Leah92 you're right, thats exactly whats happening to me. I'll heed your advice and hopefully you and I and the other people who are having challenges like this can go through it unscathed. Its really hard to keep happy this holiday I made a mistake of wishing him merry christmas today and felt like I didnt get a response that I'd like. I think I just went one step back. That makes you right too, I wouldnt gain anything if i try to reach out to him...
I know how painful it can be when someone doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them, but please do not terminate your friendship. You may feel slightly less terrible in the short term, but you'll definitely feel badly about that too and in the long run you lose a good friend. It may not be exactly what you were hoping for, but a strong friendship is an extremely valuable thing and it would be a real shame to throw that away. I know it's hard to imagine, but your crush on him will eventually fade, either with time or you finding someone else that captures your interest. When that happens, you'll wish you still had him around as your friend. Trust me on that.
Here's my 2 cents I was in a similar situation. I had a crush on a straight friend. We're really closed friends. I had a crush on him before he knows I was gay. I came out and he still didn't know about me crushing on him. Overtime, it faded and he's just a close friend now. I still have a bit of feeling. Later, he found out that I had a crush on him and didn't really care. I actually told his girlfriend before they were official that I had a crush on him. Neither of them think much about it. We're still close friends. And guess what, after I came out, I was more physically close to him than I ever was. I basically see him everyday and often hug, jump on, squeeze, smell, lay on, taste, etc him. It annoys the hell out of him but I still do it. He doesn't care that a gay friend touches him. Beside his girlfriend, I'm the only friend in our group that get physical with him. My advice is to let him know that you're gay if you haven't yet (don't if you're not ready). Act as if nothing happen or let him know that you had a crush but lie that you don't anymore. Just be friends from there on. The closer you get to him, the more you'll find out about him. It's wishful thinking but he might one day be interested in you. You can just be close friends and then get more physical like me. Just don't get too weird and invade his space. Can't say the same thing about me tho haha
I'll keep all of what you guys said to heart. I dont want to lose a friend, especially since he's the most personal friend I've got. Im kind of in a daily cycle right now, during the day I hardly think about him but even if i do, i dont really feel sad. But at night comes the heart sink and I even woke up once in the middle of the night in a very depressed mood. I can't believe how deep this thing has affected me. It somewhat destroyed my christmas and potentially the new year as well. Damn it, i can't stop thinking of "if only" and "what if's" and those are enough to reel me back to frustration On the other hand, keeping myself distracted by talking with my cousins more who I'm usually reserved from(is that how you say it?). So at least i got that going i guess.. @Yuki: Thanks for the story and in due time, i hope to do what you did too. I feel that im comfortable with him enough to tell it when I'm really over him. Having none of my other close friends or family knowing him well(or not at all) kinda helps so the secret stays with him. I just hope he will take it well, because he would be the first person that i know to find out that Im gay. But thats for another time : / sigh... Im really sorry If you think that im ranting too much. I have never experienced a heartbreak before and its unnerving!
