1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Engaged but having doubts again (I could really use some advice)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MeloYello, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. MeloYello

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2014
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'm new to this site and my main reason for coming here was to hopefully get some real advice. I know I can't find the answers on an internet forum but I'm really struggling and I feel like my mind is in turmoil.

    So I'm 25 and my gf/fiance is 27. We have been together 4 years and recently got engaged (I proposed). Our relationship has seen it's ups and downs but generally we have had a good relationship. Well, up until earlier this year when we almost broke up because I admitted to her that I was having doubts. We came very close to breaking up but decided that we would try to work things out and not throw it away. Things got better, and it was like I fell in love with her all over again. And I do love her, I keep telling myself that. But lately the same feelings of being trapped and the desire for something more has been creeping in again. It's worse this time because I've developed feelings for someone else. It's nothing, really, but I have very strong feelings and they can feel consuming at times.

    I guess here is a good point to talk about this other girl. I met her in a class at school. I don't know her very well but I feel this incredibly powerful chemistry between us. We've talked briefly outside of class but I'd be lying if I said I'd spent any real time with her. I noticed her at the start of the semester that has just ended. She sat across the room from me. We caught eyes a few random times at first and I didn't think much of it other than 'wow, that's a cute girl over there'. Then, as the semester moved on, I kept finding myself glancing over at her throughout class. And I swear we locked eyes every time. We would smile at each other and sometimes have these mimed conversations that involved eye rolling, hand gestures, mouthed words, and smiles. Always smiles. Have you ever had this gut feeling about something? Like this magnetic force that you can feel in your entire body? Man, that's how it feels when I think about this girl. That's how it would feel every time our eyes would lock. I've never felt something so real and yet so impossible and maybe even improbable. Part of me thinks hey, maybe it's all just coincidence. But then I think about the way she looks at me and wonder what's going on behind those beautiful eyes.

    And then I think about the ring I put on my girlfriends finger when I asked her to marry me. Which makes my world feel shattered. Sometimes, I can't breathe. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in someone else's dream and I'll never catch my breath. Sometimes I feel like a monster. I think about how I love her and how good she is to me. But then this evil, dark feeling washes over me that makes me believe we aren't really meant to be together. Like we were meant for each other, but not for forever. And that's what I promised her when we got engaged.

    I'm not saying I want to leave my fiance for this girl-- I don't even know that her smiles and looks are what I think they are. But I'm engaged to be married and I'm terrified that I'm going to make a huge mistake. If you're still reading this, thanks for taking the time. I know I can't find the answers but talking about it makes me feel like I'm not a monster. Like this is just something that happens to people in life. And I guess I want someone to tell me I'm not crazy, and maybe give me a little advice along the way. I'm just really feeling helpless right now. Thanks.
     
  2. Summer1110

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2014
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    I know I dont know exactly what youre feeling but I understand from a smaller scale. And I made the choice to leave the girl of my dreams for a crush. If I could go back in time the one thing I would have changed is that I would have talked to my girlfriend, I would have told her what I was feeling, that I felt stuck, and bored, and that I was interestedd in someone else. I think that if I had told her I wouldve realized my mistake and worked through it. I dont know exactly what is going on in your situation, but I would reccomend talking to your fiance and sitting down and thinking before you make any choices. I hope this helped somewhat, and good luck