I met this guy in my class who I noticed would sometimes stare at me often. But we never talked all semester. Towards the end of the semester, everyone in the class had become friends and created a group on whatsapp where we all had amazing fun just chatting as a group. Well, me and this guy, we actually hit it off and realized we had a lot in common. So one morning I see that he had messaged me privately saying good morning and from then on we had started speaking outside the group. We had great fun talking and I noticed he would insert few lines such as "we have so much in common, we were meant to be" or that he would have kissed me, as a joke. We talked for the whole day, literally didn't stop for more than 10 minutes which made me feel amazing. The next day at university, didn't have any common classes with him but he messaged me saying he wanted to see me and hug me. He came to me outside my class to give me a hug, I impulsively gave him a kiss on his cheek. When he left he messaged me saying how he loved the kiss and stuff like that. So after I got home, we began talking and would insert here and there that he wanted a hug, and a kiss...and as a joke he asked if there was a special place I wanted the kiss. I said how about my lips and he quickly agreed and became happy. He asked me to go to university early the next day so we could hang out before our class. We went to an empty class and just sat and talked. He suddenly grabbed my jacket pulled me closer to him and kissed me on my cheek, then the other cheek, then my lips. And I melted. He then asked me out on a date and i said yes. Now I told you the story hoping you could at least get a feel of the guy. How serious do you think he is about me? I told him I wasn't looking for sex and he said that's good because he wasnt either. And through IM he never acts dirty, he never asks me to show him things or talk dirty like alot of guys. No one knows about him and me so we are keeping everything secret. But there is always this paranoia that he would hurt me by outing me in any way. I know it is crazy but we live in a community where being gay is extremely wrong. Gay people aren't treated nicely here. He told me no one knows about him and he never even thinks of telling anyone. We kiss alot in private places of course but he never pushed me more than that. He hugs me tight and kisses my forehead, and that is all I wanted. He told me he loves me. He mentioned that he had kissed two guys in his life but never anything more, he dated girls because of the society. Things seem perfect but the fear of him hurting me, outing me, in anyway is just terrifying. And I don't know how to feel safe about this. Its the first time ive been with a guy, so im new to all of this. Would he do something to tell people that i am gay?
He seems like a nice guy! But if you're in a place where it's potentially not safe then you must tread carefully. I don't think he's going to do something to out you but I think that if you take it further that you must make it clear that you are in the closet and you plan on it staying that way for a while. There's nothing wrong with what's going on right now IMO. But I think that you need to take it slow (and enjoy it) and see where it takes you. Just see if you can trust him and remember that honesty is the best policy GOOD LUCK!
@flight Why does he have to take it slow or why does his paranoia have to be fueled? He can do whatever he wants, go at whatever pace he sees fit. also keeping in mind that there is extra pressure for the both of them to sort of just 'stop' what they are doing and go back to being 'straight'... they shouldn't have to deal with the added pressure of paranoia or being constantly weary of how they are acting... just have to play it smart I think you should just allow things to naturally progress. It is nonsense to think that, just because you are in an area where homosexuality is looked down upon, doesn't mean that there aren't other gay people and gay activities happening right under your noses. You don't have to be paranoid, you just have to be smart- maybe doing things in private is all that is required of you two, no PDAs in the park or in somewhere you might get in trouble with. He sounds like a great catch and I think it's particularly rare for you to actually find yet another closeted person who is also interested in you sexually and romantically in a conservative society. Hold on to him! It is rare for friendship to progress to this level of intimacy and potential... hoping all the best for you- and remember that if he 'outs' you, it is a double edged sword- he would be inadvertently outing himself as well... no one will suspect anything more from you two except that you two are just close buddies on the outside.
As the others said above, it sounds like a beautiful thing is developing between you two. It angers me to think that the society you live in and their attitude toward gays is so negative. It is clear that your thoughts and fears are being poisoned by that environment. He does not seem like someone who would out you, you have been together too long for this to be fake. Enjoy the relationship with him, discreetly and safely to be sure, and if you have lingering concerns about him, tell him of your fears of being outed (do not tell him that you don't trust him personally!!). Let us know how it goes!
@Mystory I'm not saying that taking it slow is the only option. You're right it's his life and he can do whatever he pleases. Personally, I would take it slowly just because I'm cautious around new people. But if we're talking about a place where it may not be safe to be totally out then extra steps must be taken. And you've listed those steps. But most importantly hang on to him because I think you found yourself a keeper.
Thank you all for the responses they helped greatly. I just hope this paranoia goes away. What if he isn't careful and someone finds out...sorry these are just thoughts I don't know how to get rid of. Any other opinions?
I think he sounds like he cares about you and your relationship is really cute Follow greatwhale's advice and tell him about your fears so that he knows. I wish you all the best, enjoy it!
