So I'm a 21 year old bi trans guy and I'm struggling to figure out what to do with a particular friend and who was in the wrong. He's a 23 year old bi cis guy (we'll call him Tom) and has been in a relationship with Jonathan, whose 24 and gay, for 4 years. About a year and a half ago when I was 19 I was sexually assaulted and basically had a bit of a breakdown. They were really there for me and were great. During that time, my relationship with them was very affectionate, I was sleeping in their bed some nights even. That lasted for about 4/5 months. After that, they started spending less and less time with me (particularly Jonathan), but I was still talking to Tom online constantly (like 9am to 11pm every day). Personally, I would much prefer seeing my friends in real life than talk to them online and for most of last year I was in a really bad state mentally. I lived literally across the road from them, and while me and Tom would see each other in college or might walk home together sometimes, we never hung out. I was always running errands for Tom, was always the one making the effort to invite him to things and was always there for him when he needed some sort of emotional support. While Tom was kind of there for me - being told that my problems were all in my head and I shouldn't be scared of going outside over facebook chat was less support than I think anyone would consider ideal. As well, he had started basically diverting the conversation whenever I brought up what I was struggling with or going offline. Also, on the rare occasion we were together in front of his boyfriend, I felt like I wasn't allowed to hug him or sit beside him, and like his boyfriend was just dying for me to leave. When Tom was out with me and drunk, we were always really affectionate to the point of being near sexual with eachother. Over time, our messaging online would always end up being really explicit descriptions of my sexual exploits - which I repeatedly said I was comfortable writing down in chat, but he would never tell me anything about himself. I don't know if it counted as sexting, but it sure felt like it. I felt like unless I had something sexy to tell him he wouldn't have any reason to talk to me. Recently we got into a huge fight and we haven't spoken since. I said to him I was sick of talking to him online and never getting to spend any time with him in real life and I was angry that he was so unsupportive last year. I also was like I personally find cuddles watching movies comforting, and I hate being made to feel like I'm doing something horribly explicit and bad by seeking comfort from my friends when I was falling apart last year. He said that he had to be aware of what his boyfriend was comfortable with and that he couldn't 'support another emotional connection with me that was as strong as the one he had with his boyfriend'. I then pointed out that he had a pattern of picking people when they were vulnerable, showering them with love and affection, then deciding it infringed on his relationship too much or they were too broken and abandoning the person, and obviously he was not happy with that. Like while I accept that i definitely wanted a very close relationship with him, I think he's wrong putting all the blame on me for that when he was very happy having someone who basically worshipped him? Should I apologize for what I said or is he in the wrong?
