I think I love my stepdad more than my dad

I'm not entirely sure what you're seeking to gain from this thread. Do you see loving your stepdad more than your biological dad as a problem? It's perfectly acceptable to feel that way, you might have good reason to.

I had such little attachment to my dad because I barely knew him, when he died I felt nothing. It felt like how you would react if you told me something like a man I don't know died somewhere, I was sad to hear it but it didn't affect me. My stepdad is all I've ever known as a father figure, so it's like he is my dad.

 

It happens Minnie. I find it easier to 'gel' with some people than others and I'm sure the same is true for you. There are certain personality traits that I find really off-putting and I can't just see past them. If someone owns those personality traits I'm not going to enjoy a perfect relationship with them - relative or not. It's just not going to happen.

Just because we are biologically related to someone it doesn't mean we will have a great relationship with them; a personality clash, a few harsh words in the wrong place, at the wrong time can do damage. It doesn't necessarily open up a huge chasm in the relationship, but it can put a hole there and maybe that's how it is with your Dad. Doesn't mean you don't love him, you just feel a little bit detached from him. Your step-Dad seems to have more wamth of personality and that's always very endearing, so there is now wonder you feel differently towards him.

It's not something that can be easily changed Minnie as it's down to personalities and our inner feelings. You obviously have been thinking about it, but try not to over-think it. It doesn't sound like you have a bad relationship with either of your Dad's and there's a lot to be said for that.

 

it's not unusual. it is important to have good people in our lives, good adults, who provide those models of relationships that help us to form good relationships. and though our biological parents may fit that bill early on, if we're lucky, as we grow we start to find that other people also fit that role, and sometimes we're more comfortable with them. just go with it!