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first love story

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by stimpacks, Dec 28, 2014.

  1. stimpacks

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    I wrote this in my laptop a while ago and i wanted to share it. I posted it in my blog but I don't think its supposed to go there. I don't even know what a blog is. Heres my story. I met him at the airport. The beginning, nothing special to it. He was just sitting in a chair waiting for the announcer guy to tell us that our plane was here and we can get on it. He was handsome of course but not eye-gouging sexy to me yet. I mean, I didn’t have to pretend to look at something his way so that i can stare at him. So we get on the plane, fly here and there and arrive at our destination. Anyways, I’m sure that i fell in love with who he was and not what was on the outside. I mean don’t get me wrong, being attractive does help in these kind of situations. But the more i got to know him the more i pretended to look at something his way just to stare at him. I slowly gave in to him but i never noticed it, like how liquor creeps up on you and all of a sudden your intoxicated. He had these intense deep blue eyes that did something to me. I have no words to describe it but you get the picture, maybe he hypnotized me or something but sooner or later i knew i had to snap out of it. From the start, whatever we had, was going to end and i knew it.
    I wish things between us were different, like we were living in a different time period that accepted us for who we were but that s not the case at all. Our little thing was just a little secret that started way too late and ended way too early but felt like a lifetime. I couldn’t believe it when it happened, how he just told me he loved me. It caught me by surprise and i just couldn’t think of nothing else to say, so i said something stupid. I told him that i felt the same way. But i said it in a way that drunk friends tell each other. I missed my chance to let him know how i really felt.
    It’s funny how everything suddenly makes sense when you think about it but in the heat of the moment it’s all tangled up with loop holes and plot twists. I wanted to be with him at all times but i didn’t want him to notice how i felt. I was over thinking it. The more i got time to spend with him the more i was acting like him, all of his bad traits. I started drinking heavily hoping that we might get another chance to relive that moment when he told me he loved me and i could finally get enough courage to be honest with myself and with him. The more i acted like him the more we grew apart. I guess he didn’t like looking in the mirror.
    I desperately tried to spend time with him. I was creeping myself out, i became depressed and started drinking more and everyone in my barracks knew about it. I was underage and nobody wanted to be around me because i could have gotten them in trouble. I lost respect and friends over this. I started paying people to buy me liquor, that’s the only way i could drink. If i was just myself again i wouldn’t be going through all this. Doing all this in hopes of a few words and some time but it never happened the way i wanted it to happen. We were distant now; he didn’t even acknowledge that i was there. So i quit going out and spent time after class by myself in my room. When i couldn’t get any alcohol, i did pills with another fuck up in the barracks. My only companion now was this guy that would sneak out after hours by repelling down this rope he found. Every time he went out, he would get me something, some pills or alcohol. I got messed up every chance i could just so i wouldn’t feel so bad.
    Some nights when i was completely messed up, I would lay in bed with my eyes closed. he would come in my room and tuck me in. So he still cared. That’s what i don’t get if he cared about me why did he half the time ignored me, making me feel like crap all the time. Maybe he was like me; he didn’t want me to know. In the end we were both scared little boys, too scared to follow our hearts. Before things got blurry, we spent so much time together. We went grocery shopping, had dinner together, and waited for each other. I remember when i was trying to lose a few pounds to make wieght by not eating anything. He knocked on my door, squeezed one foot in, handed me a plate of food and scurried off. I just thought it was so cute and funny, the way we were back then. That’s how I wanted it to be.
    We had this one magical night. I remembered it felt like something from in an old black and white film with a live band playing background music following our every move. It starts off with alcohol, it usually does. To celebrate our graduation we all decide to get drunk. A fight breaks out, punches were thrown and he gets hit in the face. He runs outside and I follow in a drunken pursuit. When I caught up to him, I grabbed him and touched his face. I started thinking way too much and started crying because I missed these moments of us being together, and because of me we drifted apart. For that one second of human contact, i thought i had it all back. But its never that easy. He pushed me off and said “you drunk?” He sounded disappointed. I nodded. With a deep sigh, he put my arm around him and walked me to the nearby tennis court. It was empty, except for the shadows the moon created. He put his arms around me, my legs suddenly got weak and we just floated to the ground. I cried some more because i knew it was the last time. The moment you realize this is that part they sang about in country songs.
    It’s just us lying in the middle of the court, in the middle of the night, but at the end of something special that started way too late and ended way too early. He caressed my body, while gently kissing me. I closed my eyes, thinking again that i had it all back. That everything was in place. But then i realized that country song was still playing. I don’t know how long we did that for but he suddenly woke me up to reality when he told me “we gotta get going before they start to look for us.”
    He walked me to my room and that was that. We never did talk about that moment again, like it never happened. I met with him one last time early on a Sunday. It was fall and the leaves were starting to change colors. I stood outside sitting in the gazebo, and I remembered thinking that maybe this won't be the last time we see each other but I knew it was. I watched him walk in my direction, as he walked up the ramp to the gazebo; he gave me a smile and quickly glanced down. We greeted each other but other than that we didn't say much. We smoked a cigarette and when it came down to the last puff, it was time to say good-bye. He wrapped his arms around me one last time. I held back tears while trying to enjoy this moment that we knew would eventually come. I waited till he said he loved me before I let go. I grabbed my bags and went towards the gate... He called me once on my leave and we casually talked about our plans. When I think about it, I still miss him and it makes me think about the "what if's". But everything happens for a reason and I wish him well where ever he is at.
     
  2. Mystory

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    That was a really bitter sweet story.... I am sad that it ended that way. Just for a bit of context, I am assuming that both of you are in the army/navy? Why couldn't you two just keep in touch, and see each other again once it's all over?
     
  3. watashianata

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    Such a beautiful story....
     
  4. stimpacks

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    We were in the Marines. Years latter I found out he had gotten married then I just assumed he was curious and wanted to try things out.