My messed-up date... Very long and detailed

Here I am, a 34 yo Asian guy in NYC with only 2 failed dating experience. And some how want to talk about my recent weird dating story...

I came to the US 5 years ago, yet can speak fluent English so in my stories there isn't really any language barrier, culture ones maybe. And I was kinda hurt from the two previous dates, so became very cautious and suspicious. Anyways here comes the story.

So I met B on *******. He is 6 years older and we had great chat online. We exchanged phone numbers messaged each other for a few days, then finally decided to meet in person. We met on Sat at night at a gay bar. He was handsome, very my type, a bit chubby not active type as he described, but I didn't really care. He seemed liked me a lot too. I have to admit, being Asian I look at least 7-8 years younger than my age, with a cute face and a slim toned body, I am kinda attractive... We had a great time at the bar.
We chatted for about 1 hour then he asked me to have dinner with him. I agreed. However he wasn't as assertive as I expected, he couldn't make decisions about food and restaurant, I had to make decisions even tho I don't live or hang out in that area. I didn't really pay attention. Some guys are like that. Dinner went well too. We talked about a lot of things. He told me about his family, his attitude about settling down after turned 40... We had a great time. And he paid for the dinner even I insisted to pay for my part. He just asked me to buy him a drink. So it couldn't be more apparent that we both liked each other a lot.
We went to another gay bar and sat shoulder by shoulder. We held hands, touched each other's laps, stared at each other into the eyes and he approached gradually and kissed me on my lips..... It felt so romantic. At that moment I knew I had the best date ever! We hung out for about another 1 hour there and decided to leave. On our way out, he held my hand and pushed me against the wall at a corner and we kissed fiercely there. I really felt in love. We walked out of the bar, holding hands in the street. He walked me to the station and kissed me again in the public. I felt a little bit awkward but sweet at the same time.

Things just went well in the following days. He kept texting me, we chatted over messages and he asked me out for the second date.
However on that day, train was messed up. I was late and I couldn't got movie ticket while he had to got in to get seats. He was quite upset and blamed on me being late. I admitted it to be my fault and tried to talk to him to make him happy. Again, he couldn't decide where to go instead. I found us a very good Japanese restaurant, I ordered all the food, we had a great conversation. As apology I took care of the $80 check. He kissed me in front of the restaurant when no one passed by. It felt sweet. Then he asked me if I want to go to a bar with him alone or with his friends who would want to meet him that night. I agreed to the second option. And it turned out to be great. We had a another great time together. He even pull me aside and we kinda had some intimate contact. Afterwards, he walked me to the station holding my hands and kissed me again there. I was totally in love after these two perfect dates.

And we kept texting each other in the following days. He mentioned he would apt sitting in BK on thanksgiving day, alone. and asked me what my plan was. I told him I had no plan yet, if he wanted to tell me something he needed to say it out. But he didn't. He said: We will see! So nothing scheduled. Till the that day, I didn't plan anything but heard nothing from him. So I had to call my friend the last min for a quick hang-out dinner in the city. Around 5:30 pm, he texted me and asked if I was free. I told him I was going to meet my friend for dinner. He said: I thought you didn't have plans then no reply to my explanation and question about his plan.

It was just weird, I had to text him again to make sure he was OK around 10 pm and he texted back around 11:30pm told me he was tired and full. I thought he was alone, he goes yes, alone, tired and full. I sensed his upset, but he denied it.

I thought it wasn't that bad but the weird thing happened that 3 days later when we were supposed to be on our 3rd date on Sat, he told me out of sudden he was going to meet his friend who would go to school the other day. I was upset and asked him why he did that, if he was still into me. He said of course that's why he wanted to introduced his friend to me and hang out get to know me more. I was stupid enough to say yes.
When I got to the coffee store, I found them two hiding in a corner and seemed to be very happy. I walked to them, he hugged me and introduced me using just my name (true we just had two dates, couldn't really define anything). however, he did not touch me as he would, as he did. We basically had 0 physical touch and he totally focused on this 26 yo friend. They only chat about things they knew, I was sitting there felt ignored. I tried to make some conversations but he didn't really talk more, yet the 26 yo kid talked with me for a bit. I felt weird but thought maybe they are just really close friend. After a while the friend suggested to go a gay bar. We did. And there for 2 hours, his attention was totally on this friend, even tried to touch his hand while I was sitting there. they made joke about each other's penises..... I was really upset but never experienced anything like this so didn't know what to do and thought human sense, he wouldn't do such a thing to his date.

Yet things just went worse. We went to another bar. They chatted with each other, while some random guy talked to me, they walked away... I was so shocked. After 5 mins, I decided I couldn't be humiliated like this anymore. I found them, not sure if they were holding hands there since it was quite dark. But they looked weird when I approached. I told him I had to go home. He said: go home with that guy? I was like what are you talking about, you walked away. He goes: I wanted to give you two some space. I said I can't do this anymore. I walked away. He chased me and stopped me by the door. He apologized and explained nothing was going on with him and his friend, I didn't believe him. but still stayed. It was just kinda awkward and weird after.

that night he tried to walk me to the station. I said no. he tried to kiss me, I avoided. He asked me to text him when I got home. I wasn't sure if I should. but after thinking about the great times we had I called him. Over the phone, he apologized again and explained about the boy: We are friends, We don't have sex. (not sure if I thought too much, he didn't say we never and won't have sex. And I could totally see his desire for the kid tho.)

I forgave him. He still texted me but kinda not as much as it was before I could understand. But we arranged to meet again for a movie.

 

Yes. I totally screwed it.... Now I realized that but kinda too late...

---------- Post added 28th Dec 2014 at 10:23 AM ----------

Briefly. movie was good. He held my hand during the movie and we had some intimate touch in the darkness....however not much communication. And he wanted to go home right after when it was only 9:30 pm. I notice he kept checking his phone and texting back. I saw 44 messages showed on his phone. I was quite mad and upset. No need to ask, I knew he was talking, meeting someone else! I said in a weird tone that he should check the messages, no need to worry about me. He was in panic, he said oh, those are my friends, I am in a group chat, my phone vibrates that's why I have to check if anything. But he never clicked on the messages bc I kinda know who his hangout friends are...

It was just a really bad night. I asked if he had a good night, he said yea, I said really? He asked why? I said just wondering he if wanted to meet up again, he replied def, so I asked about weekend, he said no settled plan yet. So I said how about Sat then. He goes, ohh, I am not sure. I will let you know. I was like WTF! Fine. And really strange thing was at that night, he wore cologne for the first and only time when we met. He didn't seem to want me to take train at his stop instead asked me to take another train. I insisted to go to his stop. at the station he behaved so weirdly and was very hesitated to get on the train. He kept checking on me till he had to got on the train. I sensed he might plan to meet someone else. So called him once I got home. Funny thing was he picked it up and seemed he was at home. I complained to him again (which I should not have) about the messages and ignorance. after I asked he admitted that: "I have been out for dates but I haven't had sex with any date". I was very upset and he apologized again and again. I told him if he wanted it to work, he had to put some effort.

But then it just became very weird, we didn't talk much, even we did, just very briefly. But I became attached already and couldn't forget about the first two perfect dates. I tried so hard to fix the problems. I called him or asked him to call me once awhile at night. But I talked all the time and he replied with yes, no, not sure or I am kinda tired now.... I was so crazy that I messaged his best friend on Facebook tried to ask her if I should stop. She of course didn't talk to me at all and told him about it. He was very mad and said it was extremely weird and inappropriate....So I sent him a link about how to tell the guy that you are not that into him without hurting the feelings. But he refused to talk about it and got upset...

I knew it was over so didn't talk to him while he went on vacation with his ex who he became travel buddy with. But then he started to text him while he was on vacation, even I didn't reply to him that often, he texted me every day and told me he came back to the US on the last day.



Then he asked me out again. It was ridiculous that we had fight again bc I didn't tell him which day I would be free for only about 20 mins and he told me he wouldn't be free on the day he said he would....He sensed my anger and messaged me at the end that he would cancel the schedule with his friend. So we decided to meet on Wednesday and Sunday at night.

We did. On Wednesday, he was a bit drunk from the company X-mas party, we hung out at Starbucks, we shared songs we liked. And out of sudden he showed me the song he liked a lot lately and the name was "not loving you"... I didn't know if I analyzed it too much, but could it be a hint? Interestingly after that things went better. We had a nice flirty conversation. and we went to a gay bar. We made out again. It was as good as it was before. However I noticed that he couldn't stop checking his phone, even he claimed he didn't check his message at all yet I caught him checking his messages right at that moment.... I didn't say anything. So he walked me to the station as usual and kissed me on the lips. It was cute.

We met again on Sunday. We had tickets and were waiting in the line. He said he needed to go downstairs to get some soda... I wasn't sure if he was calling or texting someone but I couldn't stop thinking about that. And we didn't touch each other during the whole movie except the shoulder touch.... After movie he said he had a late lunch so was not hungry for dinner. He decided to go home since we both would work on Monday but it was only 9 pm....

I asked him to walk with me for a while. He did. I started to ask him questions: Are we hanging out as friends? where are we now after hung out for 7 weeks. He replied, is it about sex? Why didn't you ask me (BECAUSE WE NEVER HAD SEX IN THE 7 WEEKS!! HINT HINT)....I can't tell you where we are but we are on a good track....I said I don't want to go home tonight. He replied oh but we both need to work tomorrow and it's late. He tried to kiss me at the train station. I avoided it... I called him when I got home. He still tried to cover all the weird parts and gave a lot of weird explanations. I told him to be honest to himself and me. He said he had been. He said he would invite me to his place, no problem. So I asked about X-mas eve. He said sure.

However on 23rd. I texted him. He said he was very sick and told me I better to make some other plans.... I was very rude and blunt this time. I told him if he wasn't free or not interested anymore. He should let me know clearly, not tried to make all these excuses. He got very mad and told me he was sick but I wouldn't believe him. After 2 days we had another brief conversation over txt. He said he was still mad and in the past 2 days he just lied in bed and did nothing. But I questioned about his sickness and claimed he made other plans or was waiting for other's response so made me a backup plan. He was surprisingly determined this time. He said: we are just really different people, it probably just doesn't work. It's not about someone else. We should take a break.... I replied, OK, B, wish you the best. Take care...

I felt horrible afterwards, and couldn't sleep. Wondering what I did wrong or what exactly was going on. but I guess only he knows the answer and I will never have any clue of it. Still quite upset now..... It's such a long story. But such bad date that I feel I had to let people hear about it....