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Friendship just got weird

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by RollandFace, Dec 28, 2014.

  1. RollandFace

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    Two weeks ago i came out to my 4 closest friends (all of whom are straight) and all of their reactions were great. I realized that day that i am blessed with some of the best friends a person could have. Well, i actually thought i was going to lose one of my closest friends. The reason i thought that is because when i told him he didn't say much. It was actually really awkward and i started walking away mid conversation because he just kinda stood there and didn't say anything back for awhile. He sent me a text after and to sum up the text it was, "my opinion of you hasn't changed and neither will our friendship, but please don't hit on me or flirt with me" He said more, and for the most part he said things to assure me that i wouldn't lose him as a friend. Him and i hang out almost everyday, and then after that day i barely heard from him for a whole week. I saw him twice, but it was at other friends houses and we didn't really even talk. Well yesterday he hit me up and asked me if i wanted to hang out and smoke (yes, i am talking about the reefer). yesterday was a very weird day for me and here is why.

    The first thing we talked about when he picked me up was the confession i made two weeks ago. He asked me if i was serious or if i was just playing a joke on him. If you knew my personality his question wouldn't surprise you. haha I assured him that i was serious, and he asked me how i figured out i was Bi (that's the title i use now, but I'm starting to think I'm plain gay haha). He was genuinely interested in how i discovered my sexual orientation and he didn't seem to mind when i told him about how sex with men compares to sex with women for me. He asked me if i was attracted to any of our friends, and at that point i shut the conversation down. I was already a little bit uncomfortable talking about it to one of my straight friends and i was especially uncomfortable with that question. I am attracted to some of my friends, but the attraction isn't that strong with most of them. However, I am insanely attracted to him. After i shut the conversation down i started noticing some things that this friend was doing that was out of ordinary. We don't really touch each other, and all night he would grab my shoulder when he was saying something, or at one point he put both of his hands and head on my back and laughed about something. He was making a lot of physical contact, and he actually asked me later into the night if it was okay for him to do that. He said if it made me uncomfortable he would stop. As the night went on he asked me if i wanted to just go back to his house and stay the night. I've only been to his home twice before and he is not the kind of person to have people over for the night. We did the usually things when we were there. basically just watched tv and played video games. This is when it got way too weird. he got up off the couch and walked maybe 4 feet over to his dresser and then took all of his clothes off right in front of me and then just put on a different shirt and different pair of briefs. then he sat down right next to me again and said, "no homo, but it's hot up here and I'm chilling in my underwear, is that weird for you?" i replied with, "it's not weird at all". which was a lie, i went to sleep shortly after that because i was literally holding myself back from jumping on top of him.:lol:

    Anyways, i can't really talk about these things to any of my friends, mainly because i don't want the one friend to know that I'm really into him. But after that night i can only think of three explanations for why he did those things.

    1. He's Bi-curious and was making moves. (this is more of a personal day dream, and not so much a realistic option)

    2. He's was trying to see if i was attracted to him.

    3. He was just messing with me. (Our friendship has always consisted of pranking each other and constantly talking S*** to each other (in a way that friends do of course)

    Has anybody had an experience similar to this one, or have any advice on how to handle this situation. I really cherish the time i spend with this friend, but i was insanely uncomfortable around him last night. mainly because he kept making physical contact with me, which is not normal for us, and it kinda got me aroused. I don't want to lose this friendship but i have a feeling I'm going to fuck it up by making a move on him or something.
     
  2. Chip

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    Well, it's really hard to tell, since I don't know the person at all, but from what you describe, it sounds like it could be someone who is sort of gently and not-so-subtlely testing the waters. This would also be consistent with his not talking to you for a week... if he's been questioning his own sexual orientation, your telling him might have caused a sort of existential crisis for him where he had to think about his own attractions and feelings.

    I think i would proceed very cautiously. He's already told you not to hit on him, but he seems to be sending you hints. It's possible he's pranking you, it's possible he's testing your trustworthiness, but I think it is more likely he might be exploring his own feelings.

    I'd see how he behaves over the next week or two and decide what to do from there.
     
  3. FSXFan

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    "please don't hit on me or flirt with me".......because I have had these fantasies about guys and don't want to act on them, they scare me....because then I will have a whole bunch of other issues to deal with, people will look at me differently, I will be an outcast, I will be labeled. I like girls and could not ever see myself being attracted to a guy....(until now).....but I would like to know how you realized you were bi or curious......just wondering.......because I need help figuring this out.....but I am not gay or bi.....really...blah..blah..blah.

    I don't think a completely straight guy would act like he has.

    A "confession"? really? Give yourself more credit, you did one of the most difficult things a gay/bi person has had to do, you came out to your 4 closest friends. Stand tall!

    I agree with what Chip says, but seems like he is not-so-subtely testing the waters.

    I wish I had the guts to do what you did 30 years ago. I still live mostly in the closet, but have a few close friends who I have completely opened up to.

    Please keep us posted on how things go.
     
  4. Robert

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    If I were you, I wouldnt do anything. Just be his friend. If he is gay or bi, let him come out to you in his own time.
     
  5. FSXFan

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    agreed
     
  6. RollandFace

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    FSXFan, I have known for over seven years that I'm sexually attracted to men, and within those seven years i had sexual relations with 4 men. 3 of them were random hookups but 1 of them was a pretty consistent thing for about a year. I really struggle with the fact that i am a homo-or-bi-sexual, and the main reason is because my father is a pastor of the pentecostal church. So i spent those seven years trying to hide from it and trying to change myself, and recently just realized that i cannot change it and my happiness depends on me accepting it. I'm still working on accepting myself, but that will come in time i know it. What caused me to come to this conclusion was the fact that i had 3 smoking hot ladys over to my house in one week and i couldn't get off with the first two. Those 2 wonderful woman thanked me so many times for being able to screw them for 7 hours straight. I did however get off with the 3rd one, but only because i closed my eyes and imagined she didn't exist and that i was with a man. Specifically the friend that i am talking about. actually that friend was at my house everyday that week except for 2 of those nights. So I wonder if he realized that it had something to do with him, Especially since i came out 2 days after we tripped on my last three hits of acid. acid, real LSD that is, can sometimes force people to face the truth about themselves. I used to do alot of that stuff and quit 3 years ago cause it was messing with my head, and i saved 3 hits for 3 years, and decided that i wanted to share my last experience with him.

    Thanks for the input guys. I already plan on not making any moves on him. I've already told him that i am interested in men, so if he has any interest in me, it's all on him to make a real move. I honestly think he has the same interest that i do, but I'm also aware that because I'm interested in him, it's easy for me to look for ways to convince myself that he is bi-curious. While I'm on the topic, here is some more random things involving him that are leading me to think he is.

    1. About 4 months ago we were going for a walk on state woods, and he asked me, "If one of our friends was gay, who do you think it would be?" naturally, I got defensive because i hadn't told anyone yet and i simply replied, "you". he got really defensive and told me to give him a serious answer, i told him that was my answer and he just stopped talking about it after that. he didn't even tell me who he thought it would be.

    2. he has about a million posters of women in bathing suits or just completely naked in his room. A couple of times he sent me a snapchat of a nug of ganja on a maxim magazine and it will say something like, "two perfect things". One day he told me that he put all the posters up in the eighth grade and then never put up more. whats funny though is that this friend never points out girls in public.

    3. He always has a girlfriend, but never brings her around. the last picture he has on facebook of him and a girl was from about 2 years ago, and his relationship status has been single for a very long time, but still he ALWAYS has a girlfriend. I have yet to meet a single one of them but he talks about seeing them, and even once told me that he had sex with one of them and just decided he never wanted to see her again.
     
  7. IWICCO

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    It sounds like he is testing the waters to me, but I agree that you should let him be the overt one. It's not worth risking your friendship. The best you can do is make him feel comfortable to come out if that is where this is heading.

    Keep us posted because I think your fantasy may come true! (!)
     
  8. RollandFace

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    I replied to this way earlier today, and i don't know why it didn't post. Oh well, I'll just type it out again.

    First off, thanks for the advice and inputs guys. I don't plan on making any moves on him. His friendship is way to important to me to throw it away on a misunderstanding. I already told him about my sexual situation, so if he's interested in me or other guys it's his turn to come out. But i will say that if he continues doing what he's doing, I might have to ask him to stop, and by doing that it may force the conversation on him.

    Here's a little more info about this guy and our happenings. about 4 months ago he asked me, "If one of our friends was gay, who do you think it would be?". I hadn't told anyone at this point so naturally i got defensive and said, "you". haha he got really defensive and told me to give him a serious answer, I told him that was my answer and i was sticking to it. The conversation was over right after that, he didn't tell me who he thought it was.

    He also asked me recently if i ever hooked up on the men for men part of Craigslist. Hell no i haven't, I've got a rockin body and a 9.5 inch (!). haha i usually get with who i want at bars. (not trying to be conceited, but facts are facts lol) anyways, He told me that it's funny to look at the pictures people post of themselves on CL and that some people post crazy things in them. That doesn't sound like something a straight guy would do for fun, does it?
     
  9. IG88

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    It sounds like your friend is curious at least. The undressing thing is kind of gay...the craigslist thing is definitely gay. What straight guy does that?

    However, you did mention that you felt uncomfortable when he did these things. So, if you want the relationship to remain friends and only friends, then I would reiterate to him that you don't want to make any moves with him (and him with you), but if he flirts with you then there's no guarantee you won't flirt back :wink:

    Also, if he does experiment with you then he may regret it and retreat into his old self. Idk what would happen. Or he may discover he's more bi then he thinks. At any rate, since you've been there, you can help him in his discovery (not in a sexual way) while still being friends. I'm sure he'd be willing to share that with you over other people.
     
  10. IWICCO

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    Keeping it real, he definitely sounds like he is at the very least bi-curious, but I think he wants you and wants to come out. Don't take that as gospel and make the wrong move, but no straight guy asks these types of questions and does the things he is doing. Especially with someone who has come out, regardless of your friendship.

    I am such a romantic and think it is always so special for future couples to be friends first. I am married to a woman and out relationship has sustained because we are friends first and foremost. Tread carefully, but you never know where this may lead. :eusa_danc

    ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2014 at 09:51 PM ----------

    :eusa_clapAlso, I meant to comment...9.5"?! Not bad!!!
     
  11. Water lover

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    I am gonna take a different take not hints. I would be very very careful. To me it sounds like he is just checking to see if you like him. He isn't comfortable with you being "bi" but wants to see if things will still be chill. I have seen this happen to another kid I know and it ended ugly. He may be into you but I would be very careful for the time being because he is probably a better friend than a fake boyfriend (for the time being)
     
  12. WhiteShadows

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    Wait and see, like chip said.

    If he keeps making these moves, you could always say,

    "Hey, why are you doing this? Are you just trying to mess with me or is there something you want to talk about? You can talk to me about anything or tell me anything if there's something bothering you"

    Another important thing you need to ask yourself, is what do you want out of this friend of yours. Consider for a moment that he does have some attraction to you (don't get your hopes up too much though just is case), would you want a relationship with him? Or would you want to just stay friends?
     
  13. Wildside

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    well, just like you came out when you were ready to, give him the space to do the same, if in fact that is what he wants to do (and has something to come out of)
     
  14. IWICCO

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    I love this advice.
     
  15. RollandFace

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    Thanks again for the advice guys. I think i made a terrible mistake when i told him i didn't want to talk about it anymore. I should have kept answering his questions and i hope he brings it up again. I was thinking i might apologize to him for asking him to stop asking me questions about it, but i don't really know what would be a good way to bring it up again without making it obvious that I'm bringing it up for his sake and not mine. Any suggestions?

    As far as my intentions go with this friend, I think about him 24/7. It would be a dream come true if he was interested in me in the same way i am interested in him. But I'm pretty sure he has never been with a guy before, so if i was his first I'm afraid that he wouldn't be into it and then our friendship would probably be completely over. Not only that but i have a tight group of friends, we call ourselves "The Fam", because we're not related but we're all the closest thing to a real family that any of us have. And if him and i did fool around and he felt like i took advantage of him then that might jeopardize my relationship with all those guys. We tell each other everything and eventually that would get out.

    Also, i remembered earlier something else involving this friend that makes me question his interest. One of my friends from highschool started doing gay porn in Cali, and one day he changed his FB name to his porn name and posted links all over for his movies. I was completely shocked when i found out, I was on my phone and he had pics of his...you know... spread wide open.... and even with a fist up there. haha So i flashed the photo to two of my friends who hung out with him in highschool and was like "That's Cody!!!" they immediately looked away and and never talked about it again. Well, that day my friend who this post is all about, kept flashing the pics to everyone at this party we went too. Well, my friend didn't even know Cody. haha he just thought it was funny to scar everyone with the pics of his giant gaping...you know. actually the last name for his porno name is calipso and to this day me and my friend use the word calipso to describe anything that is huge or destroyed.

    This whole situation is very weird and if it turns out that he is curious i hope he tells me soon. Because it's getting hard for me to even talk to other guys cause I'm to busy thinking about him.
     
  16. IWICCO

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    Two things...1) As far as how you can bring this up to him again and continue the conversation, like you said you can simply position it as you are apologizing that you cut him off. You are friends and don't want him to feel like he cannot talk to you and ask questions. Then leave it open to him to continue the conversation. I would keep it that simple.

    2) I have been in a situation where I fell hard for my former best friend. He did not remotely give off the signals that you friend did, but you do need to proceed with caution. I personally feel that he is interested in you, but that is pure speculation on my part. I would continue the conversation with him and see where it goes from there. I think making him feel comfortable to talk with you about anything is the best way to get him to open up. He may be scared and fearful of being found out, even if you have already opened the door.

    First and foremost value the friendship. I would change a lot of things about how I approached things with my former friend. Keep us posted.
     
  17. Voidivine

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    You are homosexual. He is too. Make your move. If he starts defending, meltdown the defence.
     
  18. RollandFace

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    So it seems like he's distancing himself again. It's been 4 days now since we've hung out and for two of those days he never even replied to my text. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm not doing anything. I've got enough of my own problems to worry about his. I wish he would open up to me about whatever is going through his head, but i can't force that on him and i won't. It took me seven years to finally come to terms with the fact that i am gay and it might take him just as long, and that's IF he is gay. He's already told me he has never had a friend who's gay before and maybe that's why he's acting weird.

    A little background on myself. I spent 3 years in the army infantry, 6 months overseas, and i am a certified killer (haha I am also drunk right now) . I shoot my weapons on a weekly basis and often times teach my friends how to fight and how to tangle with a knife in a fight. I've made it a point to hook up with chicks in front of my friends just so my cover wasn't blown. Several times at parties i have been "that guy" who picks a fight with the cockiest person there just so i can knock them and their ego out. So to my friends I am the perfect picture of how a straight male should act. One of my friends who i told actually said this, "wow, gay sex seems like a really manly thing to do now". haha so honestly, he may be perfectly straight and still just shocked by the news, and he's just acting weird because his mind is blown by the fact that not all gay people act flamboyant and emotional. I'm not saying that's a bad thing that a lot of gay people are like that, I'm just saying that that is the stereotype, and for someone who's never been around gay people he might still question that i actually am gay.
     
  19. Voidivine

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    Corner him and tell him, "Listen, I am certainly gay. Your behavior is meaningful for me. Make a move or give up."
     
  20. RollandFace

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    No offense man, but this is an insanely delicate real life situation, not the opening scene of of porno. If i took your advice seriously i would for sure lose one friend and most likely 3 others.