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Dating Someone More Experienced, and First Time

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lyana, Dec 29, 2014.

  1. Lyana

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    I've never had sex. My ex and I fooled around a little, but I felt uncomfortable when he pushed me for more. I just never had a moment where I was sure I wouldn't regret it the next day.

    However, looking around me, I think I can be pretty sure the next person I'll date, whatever their gender, will be more experienced than I am.

    I'm scared of being scared. I don't want to end up unable to reciprocate because of a fear of being inadequate. I don't know whether I should keep waiting for a moment when everything suddenly clicks into place and I'll be ready, because what if it never comes?

    The next time I'm in a relationship, sooner or later (probably sooner) the topic of sex will come up, and I can't really make someone go without for a year while I "get ready."

    I want to get past this mental block. I guess maybe I'm asking for advice, or for some of your stories. Not really "What was your first time like?" but "How did you know you were ready?" or actually, even, "Were you ready, or did you just go ahead and do it?"

    And can dating someone more experienced work out, or will my inexperience and immaturity end up causing problems? I don't want to be insecure, or for the other person to end up frustrated. Thoughts?

    Thanks for reading. Also, my first thread, yay! :eusa_danc
     
  2. laut

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    Sometimes it's ok to regret sex. Like, if you chose the sex, but later go 'it would have been better not to' that can just be a learning opportunity and not the end of the world.

    Also.. it can be very very hot to be the one teaching someone else the ways of the flesh :icon_wink

    Basically, don't stress so much. It's just sex. It's meant to be fun.
     
  3. Sek

    Sek
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    The first couple of times I wasn't ready but they were okay with that, thankfully I found someone who cared less about getting laid and more about sharing an intimate experience. Eventually I was so caught in the moment that I wanted to explore with him and try. I wasn't even thinking about if I was ready or not, it just felt like there was some urge I wanted to satisfy.

    They were more experienced than me being 5 years older, but that made me feel reassured because I knew they would know what they were doing and it would have less chance of being awkward.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    Firstly you definitely can make someone wait a year until you are ready, if they really like you then they will wait. Secondly I think you need to be totally honest with them, you need to trust them and then just take it a step at a time. It needs to be with someone that when you do think the time comes if you start the process you still feel like if you want to you can say stop at any time.
     
  5. Lyana

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    Thank you!

    I probably needed to hear that. I mean, I don't think "virginity" is this really important thing I need to hold on to. And I don't think sex has to be meaningful every single time. I've just never felt ready, and this made me feel better about that, actually.

    I guess that's what I've been waiting for, just that feeling of... I want to do it. Thank you for that.

    Thanks for all the advice, I definitely didn't intend on doing it with someone I didn't feel 100% comfortable with, and I'm pretty sure that's why I never wanted to with my ex.

    That was all pretty informative and interesting. :slight_smile: