What was your first real gay relationship like and your first time?

To answer your last question first, my first time was in a bathroom stall in a locker room after Taekwondo practice in college. Never did bother learning the guy's name. It was a little awkward in terms of space, but not bad overall. My reaction afterwards was pretty much along the lines of 'well, that was interesting' and I just went on about my day.

In my case, with one exception, every relationship I've ever had started out with sex first (usually within no more than a few hours of meeting) and then moved into more than that, if we were both inclined for it to go there.

As far as lesson's learned - communication is key (your partner cannot read your mind, so don't expect them to) and there is a point at which you need to just accept that things aren't working and cut your losses. Most of the relationship issues I've had over the years had a lot to do with hanging on and trying to work things out long after the point when it should have been obvious that wasn't going to happen. I would have saved myself a lot of time and stress if I'd simply given up sooner and walked away.

That doesn't mean, walk away at the first little thing, nor does it mean never making an effort to work things out. But both people have to be invested in making it work and if the other guy has no interest in compromising to make it work then you're going to just end up jumping through all kinds of hoops trying to accommodate them or to 'make it work' and ultimately that's going to end up building up resentment or other problems and ending the relationship anyway.

As far as how fast things should go...Ultimately, there is no single correct answer to this. Rather, you need to give some thought to how fast you are comfortable proceeding and set your expectations and boundaries accordingly. And, if they feel right to you, then stick by them, while also being open to discussion and compromise if you meet someone who you really like but who maybe has a somewhat different set of comfort zones than you. Discussion and compromise does not mean you just throw your standards overboard, but rather see if the two of you can find a middle ground you are both comfortable with.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

My first sexual encounter was lying on a blanket on the Interstate 10 with a hitchhiker. Like Todd above, there wasn't much of a relationship there. But it was still pretty damn hot.

My first boyfriend? That gets a bit weirder. It was a guy a roomed with in college. But we were both closeted back then (he even had a girlfriend) so obviously nothing happened then. It was only after college that we both came out, and we both decided to date. At that point, we obviously had several years under the belt, so we had already passed the "getting to know you" period. So the sex was the natural next step.

Current boyfriend? Met him online. We played video games together. We got to chatting. We both came out to each other. We started flirting. Things got hot and heavy. We spent hours on the phone. He flew out to meet me. And yes, an hour later, we were having sex. But again, there was already a bunch of backstory/history there. It seemed the next natural step.

I don't want to suggest that sex is the first step in every gay relationship. It just made sense for it in both my cases.

lex

 

:roflmao: Oh my gosh Lex You got me laughing hard.
Really? Sex on a highway? :roflmao:

 

I'm reasonably certain it probably wasn't on the center median between the lanes...was it?

Oh Lex...??

Todd

 

I think as far as things I learned it would just be to get out there and genuinely encounter people and stop worrying about what you are supposed to do. I remember when I first started dating there were people I thought of as hookups and people I thought of as dates and I'm sort of ashamed to admit that sometimes which category people ended up in had as much to do with where and how I met them as it did with anything really about them. I hooked up from time to time and then I "dated" and "dating" had rules--mainly about how fast to move. For instance as far as sex I was a third date kind of guy--not always that early, but never earlier. But I was sleeping with other guys on the night we met but not "dating" them. And you know I almost invariably formed more lasting intimate connections with the hookup guys. I'm not entirely sure why that is--but I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I let go of all those relationship rules and expectations immediately with those guys and we really just interacted as people in the now.

As it happens the one that appears to have stuck was after I gave up that distinction--largely because I had decided that I wasn't really interested in a relationship. We've been together for 17 years and we went all the way on the night we met. Not only did we do that but we pretty much acknowledged that first time that it was going to be a long term thing. He was invited to a party the next day and apologized that he wouldn't be able to take me (who he had just met a few hours earlier) as it was sort of a formal event (an Easter brunch) and he had RSVP'd as one. I remember responding "that's alright, I'll go next year." He looked at me, sort of tilted his head and said "you will, won't you--what the hell's going on here?" I went to that party the next year and the rest, I suppose, is history.

So anyway I guess my advice would be to not worry about the rules and what you are supposed to be doing. Anyone you attract by being something other than yourself is not the right person. Be as open and honest with people as you can possibly bear, don't do things when you're supposed to do them, do them when you want to do them. Take things as slow or as fast as seems appropriate to you in the actual situation.

 

Still waiting for one!
*Plays Jeopardy! Theme song*

 

I've only ever been in one gay relationship, which lasted about 6 months, and that was two years ago. I was 15 at the time.

Before that and since then, I have slept around with more guys than I'd like to say, even going as far as to do things with my friends, which I admit I am not proud of.

As for the relationship, we met the day before Mother's day in 2012, and just hit it off instantly. I wasn't open about my sexuality so he had no idea, nor did I have any idea of his.
Then one night I was around at his house, and we had had a few one too many. And, as most guys do we got onto typical guy talk. He asked if I'd ever been out with a girl, I said I had (which I did, I had 4 in my attempts to change who I was) and asked if I had ever done anything with them, which I said no to. I asked him the same question, which then to my surprise he told me he was gay.

I wasn't the first person he had told, at his school most of his friends knew but this was new information to me. Obviously I said that it is fine and there's nothing to worry about. A few days later, I also told him I was gay and things just soared off from there.

We decided to give it a go, and I was thrown into my first real relationship with a gender I like. It was good, we'd hang out and talk, drink, smoke, and go to cafes and other soppy crap. Within 2 months, we had started doing more sexual things, starting off with kissing, and steadily progressing onto handjobs and blowjobs. We both felt comfortable around each other.

Around 2 and a half months into our relationship, we were both up for the idea of anal sex. After have a relaxed discussion, we both decided we'd try both top and bottom. I enjoyed bottom while he enjoyed top and it went from there for future times. Sometimes I would top, but I mostly liked been the bottom.

It was to the point where we were having sex 4 nights a week, at least twice a night on the evenings we had together. I still wonder to this day how we weren't caught.

6 months into it and he wanted to tell his mum he was gay. I was really happy for him, as I wasn't at that stage of been out to my family yet. But, sadly, he wanted to tell his mum about us. Been cautious at the time, and thinking of a possibility family and friends I hadn't told could find out, I said no. Expecting him to understand as coming out is a big thing, I felt like I had done nothing wrong. But he called me selfish. Apparently I didn't want him to be happy and things escalated from there.

We broke up that night, and have spoken to each other twice within the past 2 years, for no more than 5 minutes. From what I understand he hasn't told his mum. I on the other hand, am out to everyone (excluding my father).

It was such a big burden, I just wish he could have understand the position he was putting me into. Perhaps we could still have been together and happy.

 

My only real gay relationship was back in the early days of internet ( way back before sites like this existed ). We started conversing in a locals chat room and realized that we where only a couple blocks from each other. My first wife had just left me, so I was free to explore my sexuality, which I did. ( As a side note, I still could not accept the possibility that I was ACTUALLY gay..lol)

Anyway, we would meet once in a while and just chat about our thoughts and feelings about being with guys. Finally, one night out on some picnic tables I told him I wanted to fool around, but didn't quite know how to start with a guy. .....He Showed me......All I can say is WOW.

The relationship didn't extend beyond that because of our life situations, but honestly. I don't think that night would have been that memorable or had such a positive effect on me, if it weren't for the fact that we had let our friendship build a bit of mutual trust.

I wish I could go back in time and show him where my comfort level is now.

 

My fault for not proofreading.

My first sexual encounter was lying on a blanket on the shoulder of Interstate 10 with a hitchhiker.

There.

Lex