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How to proceed from here?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Not, Jan 2, 2015.

  1. Not

    Not
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    Hi, been lurking around here for a while and decided to make an account after browsing every other thread on this forum.

    I'll try to not make this a "is he into me?" thread. To make things short, I've been crushing on a guy but am not 100% sure whether its mutual (no information on his sexuality), but I do have my suspicions. The problem is that we happen to both be extremely shy, and even though we share the same hall, we don't have the same classes, schedule, etc. Because of this, any interaction we have (and there have been surprisingly plenty so far, although that's partially due to me being a creep) is filled with awkwardness from both parties, and even though we consider each other as friends, were not too close that I can bring up LGBT topics out of nowhere (almost came close but accidentally steered the conversation south). This is my first year of college and I only came out when class started, so I'm still somewhat new to this whole LGBT scene despite having done a lot of research.

    The question is, how should I go about overcoming this obstacle of awkwardness? Although there has been a bit of progress, I still feel like our shyness is working against us. I can say with confidence that he doesn't dislike me (and even expresses interest in me), so I wouldn't chalk it up to contempt. I'm not entirely certain that he knows that I'm not straight, since I don't necessarily fulfill the usual stereotypes, but I do wear my pride shirts/v-necks (it's something) and did a little decoration for my door (which he passes by daily) on Coming Out Day. Anyways, if things get less awkward between us, then it should be easier to progress from there.

    If more information is needed, then feel free to say so. And thanks for taking the time to read this -- means a lot to me.

    Haha, didn't expect this to be lengthy.
     
  2. jay777

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  3. PatrickUK

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    You said there has been a bit of progress in overcoming the shyness and awkwardness. Can you say what has happened to lessen these feelings? Is there room for more progress?
     
  4. Not

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    Thanks for the link, you can say I'm basically stuck between the last and second to last part of the process. I'll try and see if I can get something to work out, but I'm not sure how to bring it up (not exactly experienced in that aspect). I think my biggest fear, and this is kinda selfish of me to say this, is that he'll reject the invitation (even though I'm certain he sees me as at least a friend, but I get a bit paranoid at times). Technically, he's already done something similar, in that he invited me to be a volunteer for a club he's in (although I can't gauge what this means, but he didn't seem to ask his other friends so there's that).

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    Thanks for taking the time to ask these. I'll try to start from the beginning: basically on the first night that we spent time together, we were conversing like we've known each other for our entire lives (after a week of barely acknowledging each other at all). It all happened so fast -- at one point we were just making some eye contact (which stirred things up within me), and then we immediately jumped right into conversation for hours after my roommate (who I was with the entirety of orientation) talked with him for a minute. I think what really set things off was when he knocked my door when we got back to our dorm, asking me if I was going to the dinner that night (as to whether he meant that in a friendly way or wanted more is still beyond me). There was basically little to no tension between us until the day after, when our shyness caught up. From there, I tried amending the situation by taking advantage of chance encounters, which I had to rely on since our schedules didn't match at all (helps that we're in a small school, so it wasn't hard running into him a few times a week). Basically, I would meet up with him at places and chat with him for a while, and even though he's an introverted person, our conversations actually felt meaningful and fulfilling (mostly just the two of us talking about life and questions about each other and whatnot). He'd do the same for me, but those instances are a bit rarer since I don't exactly follow a regime (for instance, he's always sitting in the same place at the library, I'm all over the place, he has a morning class, mine don't start until noon, etc.). Regardless, he's always more than open to talk, and seems to enjoy the conversations we have (they tend to last over an hour unless we're eating).

    Anyways, back to the focus. From the start, he seemed fairly withdrawn and overall... extremely awkward, which was a little discouraging since I couldn't tell whether he started disliking me or something. It also didn't help that, surprisingly enough, we (initially) saw we didn't have much in common at all, so as far as conversations went, things were a little askew. But I kept it up because I was simply interested in him and wanted to be with him more (plus I'm the less awkward of the two). Things are a little fuzzy from the conversations between then and now, but we eventually went from seeing each other from once every week or two to a few times a week. It was definitely a gradual process, with every conversation becoming less and less awkward, and it went from chats rife with hesitations, abruptness, and pitiful grins to teasing, laughter, and overall more substantial topics, but still some periods of awkwardness even though we're better at handling them (I'm getting sick just typing this out). There were a couple "rough patches" here and there, but that's a somewhat different topic.

    I believe it's the fact that we started spending more time together, as little as it is, is helping things pull through. Additionally, he's done things and I've done things that have helped quicken things up (asked for my number [even though he hasn't texted me :confused:], invited me to be his partner for a club he's in... come to think of it, a lot of the things were done on his part). There's definitely more room for progress in our relationship, but it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to get a little on the bashful side. I'm just not sure where to go from here.


    On a side note, I feel as though he is behaving exactly the same way I behaved towards my first gay crush (especially his initial), so with that in mind, I try to do the things he'd want within reason.

    I'm sorry if this is all written out weird and messy, I'm not used to doing something like this.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Try to focus on the progress you have made rather than the awkwardness. I know it's easier said than done when you are quite shy, but you clearly do get on very well when the conversation starts to flow. Confidence is one of those things that needs room and time to grow. It doesn't happen overnight. Even people who present as confidence can feel extremely awkward and nervous underneath.
     
  6. Not

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    Thanks for providing some reassurance for this whole situation. I guess I'm just a little anxious since my first crush and I we're also fairly shy towards each other (although he was straight, which was obvious in hindsight), but I made almost 0 progress with that one so I shouldn't dwell on it. It's good to hear that there's something I can work with. Thanks again :slight_smile:.