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I think I might be obsessing over a friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Torganguy, Jan 3, 2015.

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  1. Torganguy

    Torganguy
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    Hi guys, I have just been feeling absolutely insane and bipolar lately.

    I graduated high school last year and have been stuck at home looking for a job ever since. This past summer I came out to my best friend, another gay guy, and well pretty much told him that I think he's cute. He is absolutely fine with that, we live in different states so unfortunatley I don't think anything will ever happen there.

    Here's the real problem- I think I am obsessing over him, like, I see everything he posts, I find myself talking to him every day and I watch for him to reply to stuff and get upset when he doesn't.

    I'm not a crazy person, I know that he has a life of his own, if he outright tells me he doesn't want to talk or something is wrong I always leave him alone.

    I still have feelings for him, I want to to stop obsessing. I have tried taking breaks away from him but nothing helps, and psychiatrists are not an option unfortunately. He has told me that I need help so I guess it's pretty bad.

    I know this is a tough situation, but I do not want to lose this friend, he has made such a good impact in my life I would feel empty if I lost him.
     
    #1 Torganguy, Jan 3, 2015
  2. 0Marionette0

    0Marionette0
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    I know what that feels like. I've been in this situation so many times...just talk to him about it. Ask for his point of view, what his thoughts of this are? I'm assuming he knows you have feelings for him, but based on what you said, you guys haven't really talked about it. Tell him exactly how you feel and that it's okay if he doesn't like you back. Tell him that this isn't your fault. That you never chose to have feelings for him. Tell him that you don't want to lose him because of this and how he has made that impact on your life. Just tell him in a way that isn't awkward and you guys should be able to stay friends. I hope this helped at all. Good luck!
     
    #2 0Marionette0, Jan 3, 2015
  3. Torganguy

    Torganguy
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    Well, I admitted to him that he was right and that I had been obsessing. I also told him that I am going to start spending less time online and spend more time working on myself and different projects.

    He knows how much I value him as a friend, we can literally talk about anything, and he is the first friend I have ever had that I have ever opened up this much to. Seeing how openly gay and comfortable he was influenced me to accept the fact that I was gay and that could be a great thing.

    I told him that to prove I was serious I would not talk to him again until he did first. Was that a bad idea?
     
    #3 Torganguy, Jan 4, 2015
  4. 0Marionette0

    0Marionette0
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    Hmm, well I guess that's one way to go...but if you still have feelings for him, it may hurt for you after a while. Besides, if you guys are really good friends, you should keep talking, just in the way and at the time friends would. :icon_wink
     
    #4 0Marionette0, Jan 4, 2015
  5. Torganguy

    Torganguy
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    I know we are good friends because this sort of thing has happened before, but I want him to know that this time I am dead serious about it.

    If he doesn't text back in a few days I'll just send like a casual question about the one big interest we share just to try and give things a little nudge. I want that perfect friendship I have read about on here so many times but I don't want to force anything.

    I know you can't try to force things so it looks like I am going to have to wait this one out and have faith in him.
     
    #5 Torganguy, Jan 4, 2015
  6. 0Marionette0

    0Marionette0
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    Okay, if that's what you think is best. Good luck to you.
     
    #6 0Marionette0, Jan 4, 2015
  7. Torganguy

    Torganguy
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    Thanks
     
    #7 Torganguy, Jan 4, 2015
  8. Torganguy

    Torganguy
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    Does anyone else have any advice? (no offense at all to 0Marionette0, I just wanted a few more opinions)

    I must admit I am having second thoughts about what I sent him. I half wish he were on this forum and could see this, then maybe he might realize how hard I am trying to fix things. But then again he might be upset that I shared this.

    Why does life have to be so confusing?
     
    #8 Torganguy, Jan 4, 2015
  9. 0Marionette0

    0Marionette0
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    I'm sorry that no one else is responding. Try telling him exactly what you just said. Let him know how much you want to fix things.
     
    #9 0Marionette0, Jan 8, 2015
  10. Dntor

    Dntor
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    OMG your first post is the EXACT problem I have. We live In different cities, miles apart, text and talk heaps about everything. Hang out on overseas trips every year just us and we are best of mates. Expect one huge difference, My best mate is straight and been with his GF for 9 years and has no idea that I am gay.

    But i to obsess over him just like you said, wait for a text back or reply not happy till he does, think about it way to much, till i get the reply, think about him sexually way way to much he is so hot. its just so annoying.

    Tried to ignore his calls and texts last month or so and ignored distanced my self from him and kept busy that has helped a bit some days didn't think about him at all was great. But then things remind me of him and just miss him and think about him again so annoying, and finally answered his call last week had very quick chat pretended i was busy then missed him heaps wanted to talk for ages after hung up so stupid

    Hate feeling like this, angry, moody, jealous all for no reason and no fault of his. I hate feelings. Wish we could be best mates without the massive attraction that i have to him physically sexually and just in general.

    I Don't want to lose him, but think the only way to get rid of these feelings is to just do that when we hang out its great but after he leaves so depressed and obsessive again.

    Least with you, you are both gay, but of course its hard if he does not want to be with you like you do him i guess that is what you want as you are obsessing over him so much. Distance and keeping busy has helped a bit but feelings always come back i don't know if we could ever stop these feelings be great if we could.

    Would hypnoses work that's a bit extreme but i have thought about it.
     
    #10 Dntor, Jan 8, 2015
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