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I'm in crisis panic mode right now....

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by AwesomGaytheist, Jan 7, 2015.

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  1. AwesomGaytheist

    AwesomGaytheist
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    So earlier I ran out to get my contacts, and when I got home my mother tried to sit me down to have an "adult conversation." I immediately knew what that was about, and that's not Something I'm willing to talk to her about. I'm not proud of this, but I just grabbed my coat and got in my car and left. I'm sitting in the parking lot of a Meijer store making this post on my phone, and I feel like I look like one of those addicts on Intervention that bails when they see their family in the room. She's probably sitting in that living room crying right now, but I just want it to be Don't Ask Don't Tell. This is not my finest moment, but I'm wondering how this is going to go when she gets home from work. :tears:
     
    #1 AwesomGaytheist, Jan 7, 2015
  2. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    Well, you are an adult. You can walk into this conversation as an adult (reflect this back at her and often), and as an adult you have the right to expect a few things before the conversation starts. You can negotiate boundaries, indicate what you are willing to talk about, and what is off the table, and you can also set the rules about how you intend to speak to each other with as little drama as possible.

    If the discussion is about your orientation, and you do not want to talk about it, make this crystal clear by indicating that you will not be talking about relationships, marriage or any other items in that category.

    Remember always that YOU control the agenda (make sure she hears those precise words), because it concerns you, and not her (remind her that this is what adults do).

    When you have established the "rules of engagement" and obtained full and complete agreement from her (if she does not agree, you have the right to walk away), stop talking and listen, do not interrupt, and keep your reactions under control as best you can. When she is done, recall her words to show that you have listened, then you can choose to address (or not!) whatever it is that is bothering her in the clear and civil tones that you are so clearly capable of.
     
    #2 greatwhale, Jan 7, 2015
  3. jay777

    jay777
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    I would talk to her...
    saying that I love her, that I hope she is fine, that I am fine and to please adjourn a conversation to later...
    saying either at the moment being too stressed out or not giving an explanation...
    and reassuring her that I love her...

    then I would think about it... it could be a godsend, an opportunity to talk...

    but its all your decision, you know her best...

    just relax and take your time...
    if you would prefer to talk to someone in person a possibility might be to call the trevor hotline or here:
    GLBT National Help Center


    (*hug*)
     
    #3 jay777, Jan 7, 2015
  4. AwesomGaytheist

    AwesomGaytheist
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    So I just got a text from her. I drove by her office to see if her car was there before I headed home, and I looked at my phone and saw this,

    "Why did you run away? I only want to talk about your education. We need to talk...

    I don't believe that was her main intention at all. Although I've been hiding the depression and was hoping she wouldn't see that I'm retaking a couple classes from last semester that I didn't do so hot in because of the depression.

    If there's one thing I've learned, it's to trust your instincts. I'm not proud of what I just did, but I feel I did what was right to survive the moment.

    EDIT: I replied back, "Because whenever you trap me into a conversation like this, it's always bad."

    She says, "Seriously, this won't be bad. I just wanted time with you alone and we won't have that tomorrow because (my brother) probably won't have school because of the weather."
     
    #4 AwesomGaytheist, Jan 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2015
  5. Jax12

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    I remember having that crisis panic mode when I had to tell my parents that I think I was wasn't straight.

    When it was over though, I felt relieved since they were alright with the idea that if I was gay/bisexual in the end, they wouldn't treat me any different than they have for the past 18 years of my life.

    Had I not told them, I wouldn't know that they were okay with it. To be honest I felt so scared. After that day though, I learned more about myself, like discovering that I had depression/anxiety issues.

    I think you need to get it over with, when you're ready though. What I did was recite how I was gonna tell my parents, and expect the worst possible response and scenarios from them. Expect the unexpected, you know?
     
    #5 Jax12, Jan 7, 2015
  6. AwesomGaytheist

    AwesomGaytheist
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    Looking at it now, I think this was a really long anxiety attack. Normally I wouldn't have fled like that, and I'm still feeling the anxiety in my chest and stomach. I'm going to explain this to her tomorrow, and sincerely apologize for that.
     
    #6 AwesomGaytheist, Jan 7, 2015
  7. jay777

    jay777
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    You might think about a bit of exercise... for example a walk, or a few exercises... to get rid of the tension and maybe to get some fresh air...
     
    #7 jay777, Jan 7, 2015
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