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Scared, confused help me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Underthewater, Jan 8, 2015.

  1. Underthewater

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year, we're long distance and very very happy together but recently they have discovered they could be agender, I am completely fine with this..they've bought a binder online but it is going to take over a month to get here due to international shipping. In the mean time they're making a binder using bandages I understand this could be dangerous and I have told them this but at the moment they can breathe perfectly fine whilst wearing the binder and I can see how happy it is making them, which makes me happy. I love my girlfriend very very much and I want to be as much help as I possible can, everything we've talked about together so far I've been absolutely fine with. If there's anyone that has been or is in the same situation I'm in could you give me any advice what to do or say? I'm scared that they might eventually want a sex change...I don't know how I'd feel about that, everything is so new to me and I'm trying my hardest to remember to call them the chosen nickname we've agreed on, not referring to them as she or her...but sometimes I wish it was nothing and we'd go back to how we were before, I'm scared im going to lose the love of my life :/ thank you x
     
  2. indiqo

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    I can't give specific advice because I have never been in your position. and I am agender but I don't have the same feelings as your partner about my body and pronouns.

    it must be difficult for you to come to terms with something like this. it is hard for many people, including the individual, but not limited to. I think what you are feeling/experiencing is understandable.

    I think it's impossible to know if reassignment would be something they will want to explore, as feelings can change, or rather, our awareness of ourselves and how we identify can change, or the actions we want to take. I don't think your partner will be able to give a definitive answer on this either, but maybe it would be good to talk about it together. you're entitled to have your own feelings about the relationship and how their gender identity and expression may effect it, that is all perfectly okay. the only thing which isn't okay is projecting what you want on your partner and preventing them from doing that which makes them comfortable and happy (which it doesn't sound like you would do! I'm just including this because I think it's important as it seems a pretty common problem, and maybe it can help someone else who is going through a similar experience).

    I hope someone here can relate and give some great advice.

    good luck! *hug*
     
  3. Underthewater

    Regular Member

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    thank you, in no way what so ever would i ever tell them not to do something or to change something about themself bc i did't like it. i want them to do what makes them happy, put themself first