So I've got this friend, we've kinda got this love/hate relationship thing going on. We've been friends for about 3 years now, and it's been a serious roller coaster ride between us. The one main problem is that he seems to develop a crush on me fairly easily, and during those times I find myself getting kinda... Hostile towards him. I never actually notice myself doing it, but once I think about how I was with him during the day I would actually treat him quite nastily. Another thing is, during his "crushing on me" periods, he also tends to be very close to me. Like, very close. I hate it so much. He basically stands behind me while standing and when we're walking he brushes up against me. He consistently fights for my attention, and it makes me end up neglecting my friends attention. ;-; I don't know, I just feel... Uncomfortable around him a lot of the time. He's expressed sexual attraction to me, and that's just made it worse. I've spoken to him about this issue before but he got incredibly defensive and it led to an argument. Please help :tears::tears:
when you say he expressed attraction toward you do you mean he told you he had a crush on you or did you infer it from his behaviour? before I truly figured out my sexuality, in college, I had a bisexual female friend who confessed she had feelings for me/was attracted to me (why on earth I don't know), but I wasn't comfortable with myself at that time. somehow, she knew about me, she used to tell me all of the time I was gay and I would deny it, even though I knew inside I probably was..I felt unable to admit it to her because of her feelings she had confessed. a lot of the time she would sleep at my house when we got home from clubs and stuff which was really really uncomfortable because she wanted to sleep in my bed with me, which was something I didn't want. she would completely disregard my personal space pretty much all of the time we were together. she constantly touched me, stroked/played with my hair, wanted to hold hands, tried to kiss me constantly etc.. it made me feel so uncomfortable. it was worse as physical contact is difficult for me anyway as I have sensory problems so I have to really like the person. I spoke with her about it and laid out boundaries, which was difficult because I'm quite a reserved person and also I didn't want to hurt her or make her feel any negative way about her sexuality or herself. I didn't mind she liked me, it didn't offend me or upset me. I wanted to be friends still. so I made it clear to her we would always just be friends and not to touch me anymore. but she didn't understand, or respect the boundaries. like she would constantly push, because she had this feeling I was gay, she was convinced on outing me and becoming more than friends. because she had this impression that if I came out then I would become suddenly interested in her. in the end, she would keep initiating conversations about her sexuality and about mine, and about her feelings for me specifically. and it was awful. she also began to talk about wanting to die because of how alone/depressed she was and it made me feel guilty for not liking her back in that way. eventually the friendship ended, because it just became a toxic manipulative thing. well, I'm sure this wasn't helpful at all, in fact I'm completely useless, I just wanted to say that I can relate. I think it's normal to feel uncomfortable if someone won't accept your boundaries. I would say that if you haven't already done so, discuss the boundaries you would like to set out in your friendship with regard to his attraction to you. if your friend fails to understand/respect this then I would strongly suggest taking a break from your friendship, at least for a little while. it isn't fair to either of you guys to be having arguments all of the time, for your friendship to be destroyed by these feelings, etc. and if you aren't happy when with you friend, it isn't productive to your own mental health and wellbeing. good luck *hug*
Yeah, he pretty much told me the other day and is already acting the way the first time this happened. I tried having a conversation with him yesterday about it but he just got angry at me and was telling me I was in the wrong (as usual), the EXACT same thing that happened the last time. It's good to be able to relate to someone else. Thanks.
Have you thought that his negative response now could be a by-product of you being hostile to him before the situation got so out of hand? Usually I would say to stay away from situations that causes drama; since you asked for a solution so I must endeavor to answer the challenge. First off, if I was in your situation then I would try to initiate conversations with him as soon as he calms down or before the week ends. As a long note, before you initiate your heart to heart talk, you should find a quiet and peaceful location either devoid of other intrusive entities or a relaxing nature places. You should also keep in mind the proper way to talk to any individual you want to confront; I follow simple but long rules: (1)choose proper word relevant to the situation, (2) take all the time in the world without referring to same ideas too often, (3) confirm that you sustain a calm tone during the conversation, (4) create a gentle flow of topics in the conversation without completely leading to agitation and (5) make sure both you and him desire a calm atmosphere in order to solve this as civil as possible. Its good to approach the conversation without lies or ligation that either of you are mainly at fault. Worse comes to worse show him a print copy of this forum post you that you so painstakingly written. Do not be nervous nor should you let down your guard. -E
Yeah, I don't feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it in real life. He gets angry incredibly easily. Thanks for the advice DelvSeigible.
Good advice up above. He's making sexual advances that you do not want. Nobody deserves to live with that. Be strong.
