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Does mariage change existing relationships

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Monraffe, Jan 9, 2015.

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  1. Monraffe

    Monraffe
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    I've been with my partner for 23 years now. When states started marrying gays we briefly looked into taking a vacation to one of them to get married but then decided to hold off to see if it came to our state instead. I didn't think much about it at the time. Well, now marriage is possible in our state and I have been surprised by my reaction. I'm not sure I want to marry him. It's not that I don't want to be with him, he's the only one for me and I know this has nothing to do with not wanting to be with him. I really don't know why I'm feeling this way. I've been waiting to see if my feelings change over time. We been so busy we haven't talked about it yet but I do want to bring it up at some point before it gets weird. The other day I met a gay couple that have been in a long term relationship. I was talking to one of them who said he was surprised at how much being married has changed his feelings toward their relationship. That really struck a chord with me. I would like to think that this is all just me not wanting to change things after so many years of being not married, but I'm concerned that it could something more. That perhaps I never was committed enough to the relationship go through with it but didn't have to think about it either because I didn't have any choice. Now I do have choice and I wished I didn't. What do you think?
     
    #1 Monraffe, Jan 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2015
  2. Clay

    Clay
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    I think you're overthinking it.

    Your relationship is what it is. I know many straight couples who have been together for years, who even have kids, and have no intention of getting married.

    It's up to the both of you what relationship you have. Don't feel pressured to get married just because you think you have to. Just do whatever feels right, even if that happens to be nothing.
     
    #2 Clay, Jan 9, 2015
  3. AKTodd

    AKTodd
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    Well, my husband and I just got married last month and so far I don't think it's changed anything about our relationship. There's been an occasional calling the other 'husband' and a silly grin, but that's about it.

    By and large we got married for financial reasons plus the 1000+ rights that just instantly appear with marriage. We did not get married as a way to somehow validate our relationship or make it be more 'real' or anything like that. I will admit that I've found myself feeling somewhat more validated by society in that I am now allowed to marry. This mostly amuses me since I don't generally give a flying rats patoot about what 'society' thinks about me or my relationship. But it's kind of fun having the ring and what it represents 'just like anyone else'.

    Todd
     
    #3 AKTodd, Jan 9, 2015
  4. Shostoppa23

    Shostoppa23
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    I think it's a good thing to get married in states that recognize it but only if both partners want this. IMO I don't think marriage changes anything much besides legally which could mean a lot in certain instances and tax breaks too- but for some it adds legitimacy to the relationship.

    That's important for some couples and especially for some who want to break the stigma about gay marriage. It's a way of standing up to the stigma for a minority of couples who chose to marry in those states.

    Do you think bi-sexuals can marry and have happy one way /monogamous relatinships? That's something I'm wondering. I know some do ... but do you think it's easy when they will (from time to time) want someone of the other sex- no matter who they marry or how happy they are.
     
    #4 Shostoppa23, Jan 9, 2015
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  5. Monraffe

    Monraffe
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    Thanks all, I do agree I'm overthinking it. Just mentioning it has helped to make me feel more comfortable with the idea.

    As for bisexuals, I don't think having more potential partners necessarily makes them more sexual. I think they are/can be as monogamous as anyone. I've met some that are attracted to either sex but most say they were exclusively straight for a while and then exclusively gay or vice versa.
     
    #5 Monraffe, Jan 10, 2015
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