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Please help!!! I accidentally fell for this guy that ended up being curious..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Guy25, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. Guy25

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    Alright, so I'm in a bit of a dilemma. First I should say I'm 25, turning 26 in a month.. I've always been attracted to guys and not so much to girls, so I consider myself gay. Well I'm quite straight acting... The only reason people start to question my sexuality is because I don't have a girlfriend or because i'm not constantly talking about girls.. ive just never fealt the need to try to prove anything to anyone, I'm pretty confortable with myself.

    Well I've been working at this company for over two years now, and so have most of my coworkers. Everyone has been fairly respectful towards me and ive built relationships with these guys. About 12 of them. Well when I first started, I had gotten to know nearly everyone in about two months except 1 guy.. he seemed sort of closed off and uninterested.. no biggie, I respect people. But after a while it became pretty hard to open up with this guy, he just wouldn't respond much, we always had a hard time finding anything in common or even keeping a conversation going. Although somewhat of a nice guy he always had sort of a... don't give a f*** attitude so he keeps to himself. Major quiet guy! (something about quiet guys!!!)

    I was obviously attracted to him and i think he had a clue about it.. once when he came to my area, i was having a conversation with another guy and he showed up. I kept talking but my words got jumbled up and i started getting nervous, lol he just smiled and laughed a bit. The wierd thing is that even though we had no relationship, everytime he would pass by me, hed say... JAVI, YOUR THE MAN! It always got my attention and I often wondered what he meant by it. I had been training in his area for a while so i had sort of broken ice a bit with him, after a year they moved me to a different position in the shop and I was now gona be in his area. Sorry im going though all this detail, i do feel its necessary.

    Conveniently there was an open machine next to his towards the end of the shop.. I remember as if it was yesterday... I just jumped on that machine and claimed it for myself. Little by little I began to ask him questions pertaining to work and that's where our relationship stayed.my intentions were always pure, even though I was attracted to him, I never saw anything coming out of it since I was under the impression that he was 100% straight.. hed was the last person id think to be curious. Athletic guy, real manly, quiet and holds himself very well, very independent and a leader. An alpha male, very much a ladies man. He was two little girls by two different women and he had just gotten back together with one.

    With nothing else in mind, I was still attracted to him. And every once in a while our eyes would meet, awkwardly. For ex if he was on the other side of the room... Our eyes would lock. Or I we were in the break room, for a second our eyes would meet. I always thought it was just me making it awkward.. i had no idea he had anything to do with It. Soon he started to become very distant. Avoiding me and being rude and very short with me. I basically left him alone, and I wondered why he was being that way. A couple of weeks went by and I thought id say hi, so I did and he hesitated a bit and then responded the same. That day as he was headed out he told me.. "Javi your the man... I know I havent told you lately but i still think it" I was so confused. I fealt like he was trying just ti make me feel better over the fact that I liked him.

    A couple of weeks later, I started to notice him thinking I was noticing him. He'd look in my direction to see if I was looking. And it made me curious as to why. Then he'd notice what i was doing and help me out when my machine was having issues. He started being realy nice and flirty.. He'd open the door for me and he even left someone talking to themselves in order to walk with me one day when I was passing by behind him. I caught on and it made me start having feelings for him.. I started looking at him back and it seemed like there was potential for something more. We'd smile at each other when we were talking and enjoyed just being around each other. But the fact that nothing has been said has kept it there. We look at each other alot, talk to each other and enjoy each others company but it hasnt gone any further and its getting very frustrating for me. Its been that way for almost a month now. He laughs at my jokes and gives me fuzzy feelings, I know he enjoys my company but idk if he is scared of making a move or if he is not at that point yet, I genuinely like this guy but I know he has a fam. So I don't let myself get my hopes up too high. Its so hard for me because I havent liked somebody this mich in a while, I just want it to either happen or for it to end and we can just be friends. But idk where its headed now.

    He brought up his girlfriend a couple of times so iI sort of distances myself.. he also stopped being so nice, and tries to treat me like another one of the guys, which is discouraging and confusing. Also he brought up a girl he thought was hot to me and another co worker, I acted normal but it got me upset.. afterward he tried to get my attention and I ignored him and he tried and tried.. it made me wonder if all he wants is attention or if he is curious and thats all, if he only wants something sexual or if he really likes me. That same day i made myself available to him, sort of stood around idlely but obviously inviting him to where i was... and after a while he came and we talked for a while, finding reasons to talk. He couldve left if he wanted but didnt... Everytime hed walk away for abit hed find another reason to talk. Afterward he got on my machine behind me and then stepped off and in the break room he sat in the chair next to where i sit.. i havent gotten any signs of only sexual interest, other than him putting his hand on mine by "accident" bit being a guy, i know what drives guys and its often sex..

    I dont know what to think.. after asking a couple of friends for advice, one told me to just tell him that i like him and see what he says. But my other friend told me not to, that it was too agressive and that it should flow naturally. His advice was to keep talking to him and wait it out, to invite him out to a drink or to some food. I dont know what he would say or whats going through his mind. Its strange to me that he hasnt responded more, like if hes holding back or just not as interested in me. Hes sorta stolen my heart and i dont want to end up hurt or making myself look like a fool. So ive taken more of a responsive aproach to him, just depending on him.. Please help, i really need some advice on what i should do. Tell me what you think based on what ive shared.. thanks guys!! :thumbsup:
     
  2. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    He sounds curious and confused. I would but up the friendzone force field, or whatever you want to classify it. Don't run away, lower your expectations, he's not at the same point you are by any measure. Trying to be objective for you. You sound like a nice guy :grin: so, I'd assume him withdrawing means his own FEAR UNCERTAINTY AND DOUBT (ie FUD factor,) is coming to the surface. You be gentle with him.

    Don't get your hopes up, he sounds possibly flirty, but don't press it. Be available as an empathetic shoulder more than a hookup or experiment.

    Don't set yourself up to have a broken heart, he may be gay, straight, in between. I've always been in-between, very straight acting with everyone. If I'd have had any gay friends or co-workers I might have been a little flirty/curious while married. But my vows/commitment to my wife meant a great deal to me. Flirting was fun and playful, but never a serious thing while I was married.

    To many dynamics to judge based on text. No one else can really judge what is in this guys head except he himself. Everything else is just guessing based on other peoples experience. The healthiest thing for you is dial back your emotions, set boundaries for yourself (such as you aren't going to sleep with him to satisfy his curiosity,) and let him know you are there as a sympathetic ear. Your not a plaything.

    As my bae/roommate first told me, "I ain't nobodies mistress..."
     
  3. Guy25

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    Thanks Kindy14, that makes alot of sense. I guess il just have to take your advice. Its just not easy when he is showing "interest" but I have to make sure to protect myself from getting hurt.
     
  4. kindy14

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    Don't mistake "interest" for a definitive guide to his heart and mind, or where he is with his sexuality. I think that's my main point. Go read my "Breakthrough" thread in the old peoples section :grin: I'm in it, I own my age, and lack of maturity... :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I've been down that heartbreak road now with both sexes, multiple times, and it really, really sucks. This past incident has been the healthiest reaction and dealing with the situation I've ever been at. Hard lesson to learn at 50, after a dozen of crushes, and a few real heartbreaks.

    Not trying to say there isn't a possibility of anything, but at this stage, not enough info to hold hopes up??? Adjust expectations lower, boundaries higher. Balance your feelings vs your fantasies about him too. I know, crushing and getting all dreamy about someone you work or are close to is easy to fall into.
     
    #4 kindy14, Jan 10, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2015