One Year Mark Dating... Year in Review/Problems

Well, we've officially been together a full year now and I still have mixed feelings about where we are as a couple now. Just to begin with: our problem is NOT communication whatsoever. We talk about everything openly.

In our relationship we've had quite a lot of fun, sex-wise. A few threesomes with good friends, performing with each other in front of people, and even going to a bath house. I would also like to add that we are 100% clean and play everything very safe.

The last few weeks I haven't really been wanting to see him like I normally would. He quit his job mid-November and is working on getting a new one now, hopefully within the next couple of weeks. It's killed his sex drive quite a bit being unemployed, which hasn't helped matters. Before losing his job, I don't think I had seen him have a "softie" more than a few times, haha. Now it's a bit more concerning that he just doesn't seem to be as into sex.

Our last threesome back in October created a bit of an issue. I really, really liked the guy and we became friends outside of me/my bf. We never had sex with just each other as the agreement with my partner is that we're entirely monogamous besides the occasional agreed upon threesomes. I guess this recent issue sort-of stemmed from me completely breaking it off with the last guy we had a threesome with. It was making my bf uncomfortable that we still talked and hung out on occasion. I don't really blame my boyfriend for feeling weird about it, but to be totally honest, it's messed me up a bit and made me question whether or not I should stay with my boyfriend.

We've had a rough ride in our relationship. The biggest problem stemmed back in June - but let me give a bit of mistakes on my end first. When we first started dating again last year around this time (January), within the first week or so of the relationship I fucked another guy. I told my bf about it, and he didn't seem to care too much - we had JUST started dating again and it was just a one-time mistake.

In June of last year was the big ka-boom. I had an older gay friends (late 40s) who I used to confide in and trusted a lot. We had been friends for over a year, and before I had met my boyfriend. One night I was out with both my bf and this older gay friend. Another one of my friends got very, very drunk and I had to help her get home. This older gay friend ended up fooling around with my boyfriend in an alley behind the bar, then offered my bf a ride home. They then stopped in front of his house, got in the back seat and swapped head. Apparently they were both extremely wasted (not an excuse in my book, but whatever it's worth) and needless to say, I am no longer friends with this older guy. My bf knew what good friends he and I were, and I blame them both equally. The ONE thing that kept us going was that my bf told me the next day what had happened, bawling and completely destroyed/disgusted with himself. Honestly, if the other guy had been someone around our age, that I WASN'T friends with, and someone I WOULDN'T have to run into all the time, I probably would have not had as much of a problem with it. I'd say by far the older guy thing is what grossed me out the most and why my attractive boyfriend would fall into the clutches of an old pervert who preys on younger guys. Also by the point in June, we had both fallen in love (in May we had our big "I love you moment") and the circumstances with his cheating are FAR different than my own. But alas, I guess a cheat is a cheat?

It was extremely hard, but I decided not to break up with him over it. The next several months though I was constantly going through his things and worried he was going to cheat again. I had completely lost all faith in him. Before he cheated on me, I never went through any of his things, and we both had our own personal lives. Afterwards though, I feel like I'm constantly worried he'll do it again.

The last couple of months I've started to trust him a bit more, but still not entirely. He lies about really stupid things on a semi regular basis, which makes it impossible for me to fully trust him. Things such as me knowing he had hooked up with a particular guy before we dated (NOT a big deal) and him flat out denying that he even knew who he was until after I confront him about lying about it. Lots of other minor things such as what he did the day before (and me knowing in advance anyways, but him saying something entirely different for no apparent reason). All of his lying seems, to me, to be completely pointless. I'm not a stupid guy - if I want to find out about something with him, I'll be able to do it with or without his cooperation. I do information systems engineering for a living, lol. I know how to look into things.

I know he doesn't have the heart to be dating me and hooking up with anyone else, but the trust thing is a real deal-breaker for me. If he lies about the little, pointless things, how do I know he isn't going to lie about something major?

Again, we've talked about this over and over again and beaten it into the ground. I do my absolute best to not lie to him about anything and even the little white lies that I tell, I still fess up to later on. I can't think of anything "big" that I've been keeping from him at this point in time.

Anyways, there you have it. I'm not sure if I can trust him or not and I'm wearing out physically/mentally at this point. The last guy we had the threesome with made me realize that there are other options out there. Before our last threesome, I had never realized there are other guys out there I would be equally or more-so compatible with. That doesn't mean I want to jump ship and leave my boyfriend - I value all of our good times together far too much to just throw him to the wayside when I find someone else that I could be with.

I would like to emphasize that I value mind over body by far. The guy from our last threesome I liked because of his personality. Not that he wasn't a fun guy to have sex with, but I had more fun hanging out with him, shooting pool, playing ping-pong, talking about guns, etc. over just the one threesome we had.

Thoughts people? Am I being rational in my thinking? I'm not trying to ask for a "whether or not I should dump my bf" type advice unless that's how you want to address it. Just if you guys think I'm thinking along the right lines or not.

Also my boyfriend is well-aware that if any sort of cheat ever happens again, it's an instant breakup on either of our ends.