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Advice; sister came out to mother

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by questioning25, Jan 13, 2015.

  1. questioning25

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    Hello all. So I'll say a bit about me, and a bit about my (family's) situation. Partly for catharsis, partly to seak some advice, if anyone's got any.

    So, a bit about me. I'm a questioning male (probably somewhere between kinsey 2 and 4, but I don't like to rule anything out). My sexuality is something I've been grappling with for most of my life, though I'm happy to say I've mostly not repressed it, and am in the process of figuring it out.

    A few weeks ago, my sister told me she was seeing a woman. Before her, she had a few boyfriends (a few years each). She mentioned how she really likes her, how these feelings are new but she won't shy away from them. Needless to say, I gave (and continue to give, and will always give) her my full support. I told her she could take her time (or, not), that she didn't have to rush to labels (but that there's nothing wrong with them).

    My parents are immigrents from the former USSR, and although in some ways they're not so insane that they'd disown either of us... anything short of that is fair play. My sister's plan was to eventually tell them (after perhaps a year). She brought her girlfriend over for the weekend, to meet my parents (they shouldn't have known). Afterwards, however, they asked her twice, and she eventually just told them. At which point they (by which I mean my mother) proceeded to flip the fuck out.

    I just called my mother, to try to calm her down. None of it worked. Never mind her views (she has absolutely no conception of "bisexual"; no sympathy for something like "isn't the fact that they love each other the important thing here?" or for "yes she kept this from you, and of course we understand that 'secrets' can hurt, but you should understand that this is not an easy thing to bring up"; etc). I recon the only thing that can be done is to give her time; she flat out didn't want to talk to me, and kept badgering me to tell my sister to call (so she could proceed to badger her). I do understand that something like this would be a shock to her, that unlike me (who's had a decade+ to mull over my sexuality) she'll need time. But I can't help thinking there's nothing that will change her mind (she's flat out told me, for example, never to date people who's skin color happens to be darker than mine. That has *never* changed, and I've done my share of arguing/yelling about it).

    ...

    Anyhow, that's the situation. Not the happiest (I've not told my mother about my sexuality, btw, because I recon 2/2 children will cause a heart attack. I don't think it'll help? Never mind that there's no way she could understand "questioning").
     
  2. NatWheeled

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    Yikes! I guess my advice would be to be a good brother n make sure your sister knows you have her back. Maybe tell her bout your own questioning as a way to relate? Not really needed though but if I found out one of my siblings was gay or questioning I'd prolly confide in em. I hope when I come out my siblings will be as supportive as you!
     
  3. questioning25

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    Hi NatWheeled, thanks for the reply. Yep, I did exactly that when she told me that she had a girlfriend.