Please help, really hating myself, contemplating suicide :(

Male Streisand, Im a mom and our 19 yr old came out to us about a yr a go. Never no problems with him being gay or anyone bothering him. He also has Aspergeres (high functioning Autism). So he was always awkward socially. He was bullied some in junior high. So you know what we did..... we taught him to email school officials every single time it happened and gurss what....it stopped. So he learned there was something that he could do about it and that he just didnt have to take that crap. Like you said basically, you need support but not just from another gay friend although thats important and you can start putting your thinking cap on to make that happen. You need support from the school and any other support you can scrape up. You are just as good and important as anyone. Even though you may know that, that alone wont stop the bullying and I understand that. You must take action and do it now. It is up to you to seek out the help and support that you so desparatly need and deserve like the rest of us. Please email or call school officials you can do it. Also look up PFLAG and get the number of the closest one to you and tell them you need someone to talk to for support about this situation. They will get someone to talk to you. It doesnt sound like it but does your school have a GSA club???? You did the best thing for starters and that was to come here and share whats going on with you. Please do what I suggested ok. It will make a difference. Remember each time a bullying incidence happens you must email the school. My son would come right out and tell the school " this is driving me crazy and I cant take it any more. You see, for one by you putting it in righting there is documented proof that you told the school and now lets see what they are going to do about it. Also you can email the school counselor and ask to make an appointment with her/him about a serious matter. Our son made appointments at high school as well for other matters due to his Aspergers, they really helped him. So please give it a chance.

Please stay here and keep us all updated. Take care

turtlemom (*hug*)

 

This might seem like something impossible to work through, but you've already made your first step to the other side of this tunnel - opening up and discussing your feelings. Well done for doing that.

I'm so sorry you're going through such an unfair situation right now. It must be so difficult to bare all of this pressure and bullying, I would know, I've been in a similar situation myself. And I know it can seem sweetly tempting to put a quick end to it all but please don't, it's really not the best solution - think of all the years of life you will miss, the people you know now and will know in the future who care about you will no longer have you. There are many things that you would be taking away from yourself because other people are intolerant jerks. Please don't punish yourself for their wrong actions. :eusa_naug

You say you have people who care about you. That's good. Have you spoken to one of these people about getting help and support for the bullying problem?

Do what's right for YOU, don't suffer silently -- talk to anyone who can help. While we all daydream about a special person coming to us to fix all of our problems, in reality no one can read minds! We have to find someone willing to help and explain the problem so that they can help the situation.

Take care of yourself. (*hug*)

 

Don't kill yourself.

It's easy to focus on the bad parts of life and forget the little things that make every day worthwhile. And I do mean the little things that you never think about how much you love them like sunsets, the small of freshly cut grass on a summer morning, the smile of a loved one, the kindness of a stranger or a brilliant full moon. Not to mention the big things like meeting that special somebody, starting a family, graduating and finding your place in the world. All things you'd miss or miss out on. I promise you that if you were somehow able to kill yourself and somehow still be able to think, you'd regret it almost immediately. Hindsight is difficult when you're dead.

Besides, it'd be such a waste! You might think you're not special, but you are. The odds of your existence are absolutely -astronomical- the fact that you're even here is a miracle. And you can do anything, be anything. With such potential and with the universe going through all that trouble to create you, it'd be foolish of you not to see this to the end.

 

Don't worry about evidence, if you feel bullied, you are being bullied. And the school can't do anything to help you if they don't know there is a problem. If bullies know they'll get called in every time on it, attitudes will change.


It also helps to figure out your reaction to bullies before you are in the situation. What would you do if things got heated? Physical?

Say the big tough guy calls you "gay"

You: Yeah, so...

Him: You do guys?

You: Well, yeah. But I don't do straight guys if that's what your interested in...

That should give you enough time to disengage. You need to show confidence though. Bullies prey on weakness.I know when I was around that age, my uncle gave me some of the best advice for bullies. Don't keep your head down, look where you're going and look people in the eye when they approach you. Being physically weak doesn't mean you have to be a pushover (that was in my case.) Walking confidently and keeping eye contact has kept me out of fights so far (note my age.)

That, and if you react they'll just keep picking on you.

Don't worry so much about relationships at your age. Just find good friends who will have your back. You're only 16, don't give up hope on finding relationships and friends just yet. I never dated in high school, (girls or guys.) I was just to socially akward/anxiety ridden/shy to put myself out there. Always afraid of rejection. Wasn't until I got to college and didn't know anyone, that I was able to slightly re-invent myself. I was much more comfortable asking girls out then.

Be strong and don't let the negative get to you.

 

You're are a good kid. Keep up the resistance against those bullies. Don't give in. Get crafty. And always keep in mind, you have all of us here to listen and talk to. And if you want evidence, go find a cheap tape recorder that lawyers and some college students use. Have it in your pocket of your hoodie or something. Once something happens, click record. Then turn it into the school. Worked for me in high school. And I have a song for you. I just wish it came out when I was in high school. All I had was Slipknot.
Make It Stop - Rise Agaist --- This song gives me hope. And power. I would like to shre this power.
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XP4clbHc4Xg[/YOUTUBE]

 

Yeah, the stereotype was "sex by 16", and the media were promoting that as the average age, as if they somehow knew. I interpreted it as a challenge. In hindsight it was all bull****. People's high school "relationships" lasted 2 weeks and I bet the surveys had a lot of false data because of fragile egos. It wasn't until I was about 20 when my friends said "hey Wasgij, how come you don't have a girlfriend yet?" that I even started thinking of myself as worthy enough to look into that option. Then most of my 20s were filled with failure and trying too hard.

It'll happen when it happens. I know it's cliché. Maybe one way to look at relationships is that it was never meant to happen anyway, so just focus on other stuff and anything extra is a bonus.

 

There are other ways through this..
it does involve an amount of "toughing it through" changing your tactics, forging new friendships

It can be so much better, and very soon, if you take dome of the advice above

What you really need is some gay friends of your own age to be a support network for you .. and ways of increasing your social life.. and to get that 'special person' in your life (*hug*)

 

I applaud you for opening up. That's a very brave thing.

I'm SO sorry you're going through all this.

I know you said you want someone to talk to. Feel free to PM me anytime Male Streisand! You seem like an awesome guy and I would love to get to know you.

 

The way I read it Streisand, you don't actually want to die.. you don't want your life to be over, but you do so very much want the pain and suffering to end. Can I urge you to try to take a step back from the despairing thoughts and really consider the important difference between those two things... wanting the pain to end and wanting your life to end. If you can end the pain, you can begin live your life (as distant as that possibility may seem right now, it does remain). If you end your life though, there is no return and no future.

In pointing all of that out, I don't wish to sound uncaring or patronising because I'm sure you are aware of the finality of suicide, but when our feelings hit a deep low and we reach crisis point our judgement gets cloudy and we begin to assess life in a very catastrophic way. If you can just pause for thought during those moments of crisis and give yourself precious time to talk to someone who cares it can help a lot. I'm not suggesting it will magically solve everything, but you will have time to take stock of your feelings and the situation. You can begin by talking to us, but you might also consider anti-bullying networks/helplines, therapeutic support and suicide prevention helplines. In combination, all of these things could bring hope to your situation. If you wanted to let us know your location we might even be able to suggest some resources.

Please don't bottle things up. If you need to talk/vent this is a safe place, and remember, when you come to EC, you are amongst friends and people who really do care.

 

I have attempted suicide and I have been a cutter as well. It feels like the end of the world. The thing is, for me at least, it wasn't that I wanted to die, it was that I wanted the bad feelings to stop. And you don't have to cut or kill yourself for the bad feelings to stop. People in this world are sometimes going to be shit people, but there are good people too, and there are professionals who can teach you coping skills that will help you deal with the shit people without having to hurt yourself. Therapy is the best thing you could get right now so I would strongly urge you to talk to your parents and see if they will get you into therapy, but also I have listed below two numbers for LGBT+ youth, they are anonymous numbers you can call and talk to them about how you feel. Please ask for help. You don't need to cut or hurt yourself to feel better, it's the only way you know now but I promise you, promise you, there are other ways to feel better that won't hurt you. I wish I could give you hugs so here are the only hugs I can give you (*hug*) believe that things will get better, because they will, I promise you.

Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386

GLBT NATIONAL HOTLINE. 1-888-843-4564

 

I want you to know that I know what your going through. I am also 16. I know bullies. I know depression, I know self harm.

But man lemme tell you, there is so much to live for.

Cutting is only a temporary relief and it leaves you feling really crappy later. I know its addictive and hard to stop but, there are lots of other stress relief methods.

That ledge that you are standing on, ive stood there many times and its not worth the jump. So many people care. Too many people die. Too many people kill themselves... especially lgbtq. I wish the world didnt discriminate against others. But those who endure come out the strongest.

If you need some to talk to Im here for you. Please keep us posted.

 

A lot of us know bullying.
I am so severely sorry this is how you're feeling. I'm not gonna tell you that you have a lot to live for, as you probably feel the complete opposite. Remember that everyone here on EC will support you, love you and give you the advice you need.

What I will say is that it does actually get better, considering my circumstances at the moment, staying confident has really seriously helped me, no matter what kind of bullying I'm put through. It may not feel like it will, you'll probably feel hopeless for a very long time.

I am open to talking to you about anything, whenever you want. We all are, and hopefully some day you will be able to get out of this pit you've fallen into... Relationships can be tough, for anyone really. Confidence is the key to happiness dude, stay hopeful and true to who you are.

Much love. (*hug*)(&&&)