Great friend. (Rant)

Sorry if this is a bit long to read:

So I've actually already made a post relating to this particular "friend" of mine, but as of late, he's actually decided he hates me with a passion.

Basically what happened, we argued, he blocked me then decided to unblock me just tonight and began abusing me. He was calling me all kinds of things and was completely crossing the line with everything he said, I, not once said anything cruel to him and politely asked him to stop. He was calling me useless and a piece of shit, saying that when he met me he was "stepping in dog shit".

He then got even more personal by making fun of my families financial situation, the fact that my dad may have to be moving to NZ for a job and saying I should go with him so I don't spread my herpes to anyone else. Real mature!

I hate myself for ever bringing him back in, I always do because I admire how much of a good friend he is when he isn't acting so horribly. He's made me feel suicidal numerous times, brought on my self harm (that has stopped, but...), made fun of me having depression and all kinds of things.

I think there's something wrong with me, I can't stop apologising to him or accepting his apologies even though I know the consequences. :bang:

 

I'm all for giving people a second chance if they apologise and genuinely make an effort to mend their ways, but this guy doesn't deserve anymore chances Mischief. He is totally out of line. For the sake of your own well-being, you should sever all ties to him.

Any qualities he may have had as a friend are totally negated by his malicious and downright nasty comments. He is toxic and you don't need him in your life.

Don't retaliate or stoop to his level with insults and certainly don't apologise to him. Just move on - you know it makes sense.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with you, but there is something very seriously wrong with him.

 

I have to agree with Patrick here. If he's only a good friend half of the time, while the other half he makes you feel awful and, like you said, suicidal? That's not right and you should really try to get away from the "friendship".

 

Thanks guys, he was taunting me with "I know you'll come crawling back"

I guess its time to prove him wrong and make him look like a darned fool, huh?

 

Meh. Screw revenge. You're doing it so you don't have messed-up shits in your life.

And don't feel guilty about deleting him in a heated moment. The worst thing is when later you feel like adding them again because you need them for some reason. Maybe they can be good to chat with -- on a good day -- or you feel attracted to them? Be strong! Don't reward their ego!

I had a slightly similar problem a couple of times with girls I liked. OK, several times. Typical scenario, she'd be awesome to chat with, like ONCE or twice. But then, long periods of silence, or she would read but ignore the occasional "hey what's up?" from me. That sort of thing pisses me off, especially when there's some excuse about being really busy. If someone is genuinely busy, then why are they lurking on social media? It's bad that they're lying, or at least have bad time management, but it's MUCH WORSE that they feel you're too weak to handle the truth that they just don't like you. It's like how dare they shit on my already fragile sense of self-worth?!

And there's nothing worse than "crawling back", being all apologetic. It's co-dependence. One side (you, me) feels insecure and needs to reach out. The other side copes with their own insecurity by being aloof shits who have spent a lot of time fine-tuning their behaviour so that it gets them the maximum amount of attention, so that it feeds their fragile sense of self-worth. For them it's ultimately a self-destructive cycle as well. But that's not your problem.

 

He wants you to feel shitty enough to "come crawling back". Don't give him the satisfaction.

 

I actually feel no attraction to him at all, when he (for some reason) develops feelings for me, he actually repulses me. I do get slightly more hostile towards him during these periods of time, but really I was just minding my own business when he decided to abuse me.

 

People like this don't understand that friendship is a privilege that you earn by showing respect, support and affection. The second a "friend" abandons one of these corner stones the privilege is lost.

This guy cashed in all three and he does not deserve you. I've seen you around and you seem like a nice dude. You definitely deserve better than this guy.

So fuck 'im.

 

Good.

OK, I think it's all under control here. Should we check up on you in a week, or no need?:icon_wink

 

Good idea. I have the tendency to feel bad about something like this for no particular reason.

 

The best revenge for the kind of person that taunts you that you're gonna come crawling back: utter silence. Total ignoring. No interaction whatsoever. Like you could not care less (even though you do). Encourage you to try it

 

I just found this quote, and I think it's the perfect measure for true friendship...

You are stronger then him, remember that. He sounds bipolar to me. You don't need someone in your life who is going to be abusive. Block him, un-friend him, from every social app you have. Strict no contact. Just tell him, "I don't need someone abusive in my life" if you ever have contact with him.

Living a good, genuine life is the best revenge for people like that. Ignore them, and when you see them in 10 years you'll probably be a well adjusted person, and he'll be the same.

 

Gently chiming in here as someone with Bipolar, someone with Bipolar could be abusive and manipulative as the next fellow but that's a misuse of the diagnosis, because being abusive or manipulative is not part of the criteria or characterization of Bipolar Disorder. I just try to spread awareness since I'm open about my Bipolar on behalf of those who are 'in the closet' about their Bipolar

 

I can't see him becoming much more than a turd later on, to be honest. He really only treats me like this, I don't know what I've done for him to do this. That aside, I'm pretty much sick of his shit, I'll probably die if I ever go back to him.

 

You need to take care of yourself first of all, he is obviously a malicious power in your life, and you need to remove his power over you.

I really suggest cutting ties completely, and if he keeps bothering you, doesn't accept that you are not interested in having him in your life any longer, actually talk to someone who might be able to help. This might be harsh, but he sounds like a toxic and volatile danger to his social circle.

I know how you feel... I've recently cut ties with my (ex) best mate for one last atricious thing he did, which I could not forgive. He's done so many wrongs already, even illegal things, but I've always stuck with him, as I was certain there was good in him that just needed time to surface, that he could become a better person.

He can't. He's hopeless, and he needs help. However bitter the disappointment and sadness about losing a best friend is, I had to do this to protect myself, those dear to me, and to remove harmful influences from my lives.

You are doing everything right by not dealing with him anymore.
You deserve better. (*hug*)

Oh, and try to stop doing anything out of revenge. It won't get you anywhere, and he might find a way to turn it around and make you feel bad again. Don't let that happen.

Just be done with him.

 

Hey man, at the end of the day. The problem is with him and not you, don't forget that! I've had this sort of problem with a friendship. One of my friends, me and him got on really well and one day he totally flipped on me and came out with loads of nasty comments. Sometimes I would take them back just because I was lonely, but really I should have just found better friends. Sometimes I think its better to be a loner than stuck to a friend who makes me feel like crap.

I hope there is a group or club you can join to find more sain people or buy yourself a bike and go cycling and explore. Either way, don't even give yourself time to think about this toxic "friend". Hes not worth your time!!

 

Thanks everyone for the replies. I'll update in a while if I'm contemplating taking him back.

For the love of god guys, talk me out of it if I do.

 

Just checking up on you!... I almost forgot all about this thread. Hmm, no replies lately. I knew you could do it!

 

Yeah, he unblocked me again last night and started abusing me again, but then was apologising - only for the time that he called me useless. But nevermind all the other insults he threw at me, that was completely 100% true in his opinion. Seems legit.

 

In all honesty, I would turn the tables and do the blocking this time. You really don't need someone like this in your life.