Grieving first gay relationship - what were your experiences?

So my ex girlfriend and I broke up almost 4 weeks ago, after a rather tumultuous 8 1/2 months together (which included a number of brief break ups). It was passionate, and with that passion, included a number of extremely high highs. But the lows were pretty awful, and it had to come to an end. I don't want her back, but I miss her terribly. I know how miserable I was, especially towards the end, but the wistful part of me remembers that connection we shared when it was good. I want to honour and respect our time together, but another part of me does want to lay us in the past. She was my first gay relationship, and getting over it is such new territory.

What were your experiences - how did you move on? Have you moved on?

 

(*hug*) i know the feeling.
it took me 3 or 4 years to properly move on.
i still pine once in a blue moon but i know our relationship wasnt good at all deep down. yes we had a connection but it wasnt a healthy relationship.

you deserve someone who respects you and wants the best for you and lets you speak your mind, someone who wants to comfort you when you are sad, someone who cares about your emotions/feelings, someone who makes you happy way more times than they make you sad, someone who argues with you but doesnt flip the lid and break up with you because you disagreed on something, someone who does little things for you like remembering your fave choc bar when they were just picking up some milk in store, someone who doesnt want to hurt you intentionally, someone who wants to learn new things with you, someone who is patient, someone who doesnt pressure you. ( i could go on and on) im not saying your s/o did or didnt do any of those things but basically you deserve someone who is super awesome.

it helped me to feel ad for a while but keep myself busy, find a new hobby or pick up and old one. i cut off all contact with her cuz it was super hard for me but some people can still stay friends. time and space and allowing yourself to feel sad all are part of the healing process. you have to feel the hurt to move on thats what i hated, i hated feeling the empty-ness and just wanted it to be gone and be back to my normal self again. it was a weird and long process but im all dandy now and so will you be in time give yourself time but dont close down, go outside for a walk listen to music, feel sad yes but keep moving and look after yourself. if you want to eat 2 pizzas one night eat 2 pizzas.

i think with abusive relationships theres a sort push and pull affect going on, you dont like them for what they did but you still see all the good in them and that was what was so confusing/hard to me. in the end all that would help me is remembering the horrible parts and how much better i was not being sad all the time because of someone (but yet i was still sad just alone...sad...), and only now i can look back with memories but i feel not much anymore of our time but i know definately it was a bad relationship.

just look after yourself.

and i wouldnt go on the rebound (even if you really think you may like that person) as you are just going to end up back to square one again of being hurt. just take time out to be you and rememebr how good life is when youre happy and doing things you like with your friends/work mates not with a toxic person. its not easy but it is possible chin up. surround yourself with people that care

(soz essay) oops.

 

I suppose my feelings of pain comes in waves - sometimes I feel absolutely fine, others I am inconsolable. It also feels like there are many layers of feelings to work through - where I will remember a particular aspect of the relationship (which can be as minute as the way she looked at me), or a particular argument, or a particular moment when things were lovely between us. I was madly in love with her, and had so much hope in us working, then when things weren't so good between us I felt very rejected and hurt.

Remembering the good times between us is more pleasant than when I get stuck on how hurt I felt in the relationship - right now I'm remembering the darker times between us, and it is not pleasant. I had to end it as I was very unhappy - initially I felt very numb, and then relieved it was over. But from those initial relatively pain free days, I am now missing her terribly. I love her very very deeply, which is perhaps why reconciling that love with the hurt I felt being in the relationship is quite difficult to come to terms with.

Ultimately I want to feel at peace about us, and be able to mark it as something in the past. But right now, in terms of my feelings, I feel like I am still in the midst of the aggro between us. I don't know, maybe allowing myself to feel what I am feeling is the only way I'm going to get over it. But I hadn't anticipated that almost a month on, I would still feel very sad whenever I think about her. There is a massive hole where she used to be - but today I realised that perhaps that hole was already there when things started to go very wrong between us.