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New to this forum! Need advice :(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by username41489, Jan 18, 2015.

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  1. username41489

    username41489
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    Hi all!

    I'm totally new to this website and I like what I've been reading so far. Ok so to get to the point, I'm a bisexual woman, who recently moved 3000 miles across the country to pursue my masters degree at Brown University. I'm super thrilled to have moved to this new place because I've had the time to get over someone I was madly in love with (a straight girl, GEEZ), and now I'm open to meeting tons of new people and dating and whatnot. Anyways, there's this girl (sigh) who's really awesome and I have been crushing on her for about 3 months now. She is from another country and is currently out of the US because we're still technically on winter break. I'm a masters student and she's still an undergrad (it's all legal, folks!). She claims to be straight, but then she'll say things like "You're my type <3" and "I wasn't interested in grad students until I met you <3" and other flirty things which makes me think she likes me. She did include the heart emoticon by the way. So now my question is, what do I do? Oh also, I still haven't told her I'm bi. i've only told one friend out in my new home and my sister and one friend from my original state also know. As you can imagine, I'm really nervous to come out to anyone at this point, since I've had boyfriends before, I'm concerned people will think that was all fake and whatnot, which it wasn't, I just like 'em both! :slight_smile: If anyone could give me some advice about this girl (we'll just call her JC), that would be great. I'm hoping to come to a conclusion about this flirty behavior soon! Thanks guys, I really appreciate it!

    SR
     
    #1 username41489, Jan 18, 2015
  2. username41489

    username41489
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    anyone?
     
    #2 username41489, Jan 18, 2015
  3. gasian

    gasian
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    Wow! Congratulations on getting accepted into Brown!

    You could try taking the direct approach, just plain asking JC if she's into girls that way.

    You could try taking the indirect approach, flirting back to see if she still flirts with you afterwards.

    Never feel pressured to tell anyone your sexuality. If you feel that you can trust JC...no, if you know that you can trust JC, then go for it! If not, better to test the water a few toes at a time.
     
    #3 gasian, Jan 18, 2015
  4. silverhalo

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    Welcome to EC.

    I think you have a couple of options. Firstly you could come out to her which may then in turn give her the confidence to talk to you. Or if you don't fancy that then you could just be friends with her enjoy that and see where it goes.

    What would you like to happen next?
     
    #4 silverhalo, Jan 18, 2015
  5. username41489

    username41489
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    Thank you gasian and silverhalo! I guess what I'd like to see next is still more flirting from the two of us (which I'm terrible at) and maybe something special the night of her birthday which is in two weeks. I was planning on surprising her at her house with flowers and a card after her birthday dinner which I'm unable to attend. I'm scared to come out to her because I feel like she might not reciprocate and it'll be awkward in lab (where we are colleagues) after I say my news. What do you guys think? Thanks again for your advice!!
     
    #5 username41489, Jan 18, 2015
  6. gasian

    gasian
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    I'm getting cavities from how sweetly you're going to treat this girl.

    To me, it seems that you have two options. First, you come out to her before her birthday, then see how things fold out from there. Or, you come out after her birthday. Which do you imagine her taking better, coming out pre or post bday? Either way, I think you'll do fine! Labs are supposed to be purely professional areas, right? Even if things go down the drain, she shouldn't start treating you like a pariah just because of your sexual orientation. Worst that should happen, is she assumes a strictly professional behavior to you.
     
    #6 gasian, Jan 18, 2015
  7. username41489

    username41489
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    Ahh, the thought of coming out to her really freaks me out! I don't know why, but I'm hoping she makes the first move. In the lab, it's like kind of casual but still sort of professional. Also, I'm kind of her superior since I'm a masters student and she's still an undergrad. Don't know what that has to do with anything lol, but yeah, I'm super nervous guys. I don't know how to do this.
     
    #7 username41489, Jan 18, 2015
  8. username41489

    username41489
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    So guys, I asked my lesbian friend from college (whom I haven't spoken to in a few years) about this. She said this girl is toying with my emotions. I just don't think J is like that though, I'm really freaked out. I want her to like me the way she seems to like me. Is that wrong? I'm so confused...
     
    #8 username41489, Jan 19, 2015
  9. gasian

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    Ask another lesbian or bisexual or straight guy friend. The best way to conclude a poll is to have as many nonpartial participants as possible. If J doesn't know you're bisexual, then how can she toy with your emotions purposefully?

    It's never wrong to want somebody to like you the way they seem to. Do you have any mutual friends? If so, feed a line to the mutual friend about you thinking she might have a thing for gir...never mind, stupid idea.

    It's never wrong to want somebody to like you the way the somebody seems to like you. A friend of mine likes to flirt with me (he's straight), and it sucks not being able to return the compliments with equal passion. Kinda stalkerish here, but better than the above idea: Do you know if she's part of Brown's LGBTQ club thingy (I don't have the name, sorry.) ? Better yet, casually ask her opinion on gay marriage, etc.
     
    #9 gasian, Jan 19, 2015
  10. username41489

    username41489
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    She's definitely not part of Brown's LGBTQ group, I'm not sure what it's called either lol, but I can ask how she feels about gay marriage casually when she's back in Providence. I know she's ok with gay people as friends because she has a few gay friends (men mostly). I don't want to get heartbroken again like last time :frowning2:
     
    #10 username41489, Jan 19, 2015
  11. username41489

    username41489
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    She's going to be in lab tomorrow…I'm so nervous! This is an awesome/terrifying feeling haha. Any idea on how I should act tomorrow? I wish I could be calm cool collected and confident hahahah aaahhhhhh! (&&&)
     
    #11 username41489, Jan 20, 2015
  12. gasian

    gasian
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    Take a deep breath. Rehearse it out to your pillow. "Hi J, how was your winter break? Oh! That's good! Really? Well..my break, I found out a few things here and there, nothing important..." polite conversation ensues. You've known J since August-ish, right? Try to anticipate what she says. Just treat this like an MCAT, LSAT, SAT, or ACT that you studied for. You know what's gonna pop up, now put that brain of yours to work! Good luck!
     
    #12 gasian, Jan 20, 2015
  13. username41489

    username41489
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    Omg, so she bought me a gift from her country…it's a dreamcatcher. She got me this because she knows I have trouble sleeping <3 what a sweetheart!!! I'm definitely falling hard for this girl. She looked amazing yesterday when I saw her for the first time in 6 weeks. I don't know how to approach this situation. I'm too scared to come out because I want her to make the first move. I tried asking her to dinner but she's jet lagged and slept through the texts.
     
    #13 username41489, Jan 22, 2015
  14. username41489

    username41489
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    Omg so we went out to the bar last night IN THE BLIZZARD, and she showed me she could tie a knot on a cherry top with her tongue. i almost passed out it was so hot. HELP MEEEEE
     
    #14 username41489, Jan 27, 2015
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