Sexual exploration and dating as a single mom?

Hi, I just joined this forum. I started pondering bisexuality right before I got into a relationship with my last partner, a man. We were together and monogamous for almost 8 years (we broke up a few days before my 30th birthday this past November) and during that relationship I started identifying as pansexual. I have a 2 year old son with the ex, and I have never gotten the chance to explore my sexuality.

Dating (and sexual exploration) is difficult for me because my son lives with me full time. The time he spends with his dad is completely orchestrated by me, I drop him off when I get off work and pick him up before bedtime. My ex is completely uninterested in overnight visits, so the only time I have without my son is late afternoon/early evenings three days a week (weekdays at that). My parents love their grandson and would love to babysit overnight every now and again, so I could probably get some free babysitting once or twice a month, but it would have to be scheduled in advance and coordinated with their schedules. My son does not do well around people he doesn’t know, and I live on a budget and not in the best neighborhood so finding a teenage babysitter would be challenging.

After spending years of my life with the wrong person, I am picky. Having a 2 year old crawling all over me constantly makes it impossible for me to feel lonely, so it frees me up emotionally so that I don’t jump into something wrong just because it feels right in the moment. I am attracted to men (as I have always been), as well as women and trans men (which I have no experience with), but what I really find attractive in any gender is sense of humor, kindness, and creativity. My free time for dating is precious, and I have no idea how to not “waste it”. My gut wants to get to know a person online or over the phone before I even meet in person, but from the few people I have talked to through online dating, most people willing to do that are looking for something serious. This is all new for me, so I would need to feel a connection to feel comfortable exploring my sexuality but I am not looking to rush into anything exclusive or serious. I also should mention that I live in a small town/suburb about an hour outside of St. Louis, MO. It’s total bible belt territory, and while there is a large lbgtq community in the city, driving an hour to and from with my time constrictions is nearly impossible.

The only person in my life that I can talk about this with is my best friend, who is gay. I know he is excited for me to be out of my unhealthy relationship, and I know he is happy that I want to explore my sexuality. He doesn’t understand what it is like for me as a mother, though. His advice was that I couldn’t really get a feel for someone unless I met them in person, which is easy for a single person without kids to do, but not me! He text me last night that he met a trans female that he thought was “really cool” but I was probably “out of her league” physically and she was “open to meeting me as a friend”. I am totally annoyed by being set up what I feel is an any-trans-will-do way. I text him back this morning and asked him what specifically made him think that she would be a good match for me (no reply yet). If the perfect person for me was a trans female then I would be interested, but that is probably the gender that I am least attracted to (I usually do not like ultra feminine). At this point I pretty much feel like, although his heart is in the right place, he doesn’t understand what I need or am looking for. That being said, I feel like I really have nobody that I can talk to about this, and so I turn to the internet!

Anyway, I know this is a lot, and if you got this far in my confused babble then thank you for taking the time to read it. Any insight or advice is appreciated!

 

I'm not sure, but it's worth looking into! I don't really want to bring people in and out of his life, but at this age he wouldn't know the difference.