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My current relationship isn't even a relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by crazycat, Jan 18, 2015.

  1. crazycat

    Regular Member

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    So like I've been kinda seeing this guy and he has a bad tendency to not contact me for weeks on end and at one point I broke up with him because he went like a month without talking to me, but he asked me to take him back and I said yes. He's repeating a lot of the same stuff, only now there are new issues.

    Like he was always very sexual with me, and sometimes that worries me. Like when he first started to go weeks at a time without texting me, it was after I refused to send nudes, and like when he started talking to me again after a day or so he started asking for nudes again, then I refused and that's when he went like a month without contacting me.

    When we got back together he immediately wanted to get sexual again, and IDK it made me feel weird. Then like we were cuddling on his couch and my hair was in his face and I told him I was going to get it cut and he said "No don't!" and then "Okay just don't get one of those lesbian dyke-haircuts." That of course bothered me, like I never told him I'm pan and I definitely didn't tell him I'm genderfluid. So I tried not to let it get to me but the next day I was still really worried about it and so I texted him about it telling him I'm pan, explaining to him what pansexual means, and like I tried my hardest not to come off like I was scolding him and to try to explain to him calmly and nicely why stuff like that really bothers me and he just accused me of being "hyper sensitive or looking for an excuse to be sensitive" and said "Sorry your offended by a word" He kept insisting that he did nothing wrong.

    I decided to drop the conversation knowing that I wasn't going anywhere with him, and when we saw each other again everything seemed fine. But then he did the same thing where he like ignores me for a while, and then when he texted me again he almost immediately wanted to sext. When I said it makes me feel uncomfortable when he's always sexual and that I want to sex boundaries, he said "Restricting sex is fucked up" and "I don't do boundaries" and he said that I must not be attracted to him if I don't want to fuck all the time and that he can't help wanting to fuck me all the time. All of that really bothered me and I've only gotten one text from him since, and this was a few weeks ago. He hasn't really been contacting me at all.

    I know he's sending all these bad signals but 1) I feel like if we talk about this stuff in person it might be easier and better 2) He still has something of mine so I at least want to get that back and 3) he's way out of my league anyway and I don't date people a lot so I probably shouldn't be picky.

    I don't know, what do you guys think about this?
     
  2. NatWheeled

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    I think he's a prick and treats you like a sex toy.

    I think you're way out of his league not the other way round....you deserve better!

    The whole "beggars can't be choosers" mantra does Not apply to dating. Be picky! Find Mister Right, don't settle for anything less...trust me this guy is way less than right.

    So my advice? Get whatever of yours he has, dump him....and go find a guy who appreciates you! As you said yourself, what you're in right now isn't a relationship.
     
  3. jay777

    Regular Member

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    There are a few things missing here.

    You don't really seem to love him

    He has no real respect or appreciation for you.

    He seems not to be the kind of person you like to be around.
    You sound like a sensitive person who could need considerate and nice people around.

    This partnership looks to me like a "better than nothing" partnership.
    Drawback of such partnerships is they keep you from having a really fulfilling partnership.

    You could tell him that you came to the conclusion you are not what he is looking for and you wish him the best, he will surely find someone who will fulfill him more.

    You could think a bit about what kind of partner you want, and maybe write a few points down and think about it... so that you could have a core of what you would like...

    Here are some hints for finding people:
    emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/165567-who-else-lonely-lesbian.html#12

    What are your hobbies, where do you think people you like would be ?
    A convention ? A literature club ? A photography course ?

    From your postings you are a very thoughtful and nice person. You have something to offer.
    You could show yourself more.
    Here are some hints for flirting:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/151502-flirting-nah.html

    I'd say just talk to people more... be brave...
    oh and don't drink too much... you could stick to the lighter stuff... cider, or no alcohol at all :slight_smile:
    Its sometimes like something gets bottled up if we restrain ourselves too much daily... and gets out when we drink a bit too much :slight_smile: So maybe you could be a bit more outgoing in daily life...


    (&&&)(*hug*)
     
    #3 jay777, Jan 18, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2015
  4. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    Run, don't walk away from this guy. He's treating you like shit, and you don't deserve that. No one does.
     
  5. Lazuri

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    I'm gonna join the choir here.

    There's nothing down that path but suffering and it's more likely to get worse rather than better.

    It wouldn't surprise me at all if there are other girls with the way he stays out of contact and treats you like a sex toy.

    If he asks for another chance a month later then just tell him to take a cold shower and fuck off.