Hey everybody! My mom tends to say things that can be taken in a way that sounds homophobic (even if she means it as a joke), and sometimes it really offends/upsets me. Like, I understand how important it is for the LGBT community to feel represented in the media and to be portrayed in an honest fashion. I understand that many in this community get upset when the actors portraying the characters are not actually members of this community. All the time we see straight couples on TV with straight actors cast, but rarely do we see lesbians portraying lesbians, or gay men portraying gay men. Well if I say that the LBGT community is upset by this to my mom, she gets her friggin panties in a wad, “Oh the gays are so angry,” or “Oh the gays are so sensitive.” No mom, they’re really not, they want exactly what you have; honest representation in the media with actors like you playing characters like you. She does this a lot with anything I say about the LGBT community. I’m not even sure if I’m LGBT, and this shit bothers me. She does similar things with transgender people. I told her about Laverne Cox the other day and showed her a picture and a video. She told me she would have know he was a man and that he sounds like a man. Um, Laverne Cox is a gorgeous woman with an awesome voice. She looks like a woman because she is a woman. I also graduated with a trans man. When we graduated he still identified as a woman and used his female name, but for about 2/3 years he has been identifying as a man and using his name. Whenever I talk about him to my mom somehow we always end on the topic of him being born female, and she always refers to him as she. It really bugs me. I don’t completely understand transgender people, but I understand enough to use the pronouns and name a person prefers and to not act like an asshole. But my mom apparently doesn’t. She always says to me how she doesn't understand transgender people and she doesn’t know what she would do if I was transgender and blah blah blah. I don’t know how to talk to her about this because she is kind of (emotionally manipulative isn’t what I’m looking for but will have to do) and will try to make me feel bad for calling her out on it. Any advice because it really bugs me, and it doesn’t help that I’m questioning my sexuality. I don’t want to hear these things at all let alone from my own mother if I do figure out that I’m part of the LGBT community.
I'm sorry your mom says things that upset you. And I'm sorry she makes you feel bad for pointing out her ignorance on LGBT topics. She really should be thanking you for the opportunity to rethink her opinions and maybe grow as a person. As hard as it might be, if you feel really strongly about it, I think you should keep calling her out when she says things you find offensive or upsetting. Unless you think that might make her start questioning your sexuality, if you aren't ready to deal with that. Try not to let her make you feel bad about it. You shouldn't feel bad for saying what's true. Even if you can't change her mind, she might at least stop saying these things around you to avoid getting into a debate and you won't have to deal with hearing them anymore.
